By - __Fallen_Angel__
No one should be working that much my dude. Don’t blame yourself for the fucked up state of the world.
Yes this seems to be the actual issue here.
If ur working that much make it a job where u can sleep lol. Im about to get a job where I wake up and push a button.
Sounds like that guy in the bunker on lost!
It wouldn't be bad if he was allowed to get out and walk the beach every once in a while.
100% agree, my mother works 3 jobs and it’s still not enough for her! I want to do much more for her but I still a student in school and I’m trying to provide for myself and my family.
Capitalism and poverty ended this mans relationship. I’m really sorry man that fucking sucks and I hope y’all can at least stay amicable and have a fair situation with the kids.
Capitalism is not the issue at all, it's not getting priority's in order, and she wasn't loyal, did she address with him that she wanted more... Regardless what's the point of extra money if you're never home... I have 4 kids a stay at home wife and nothing more than a G.E.D and make plenty of money to make it, it's about priority's, what's more important, the Family or the dollar
He literally said it was a different time from now. And he doesn’t have a degree. Sit down 🪑
I don't mean any harm to him, just the comment saying capitalism is the issue, it's not, I don't have any degrees either, I'm a carpenter
No poor communication did lol
Yes obviously most if not all things like this are but it’s rooted in society and in circumstance
No, capitalism did, lol
Lol you don’t even know their income or expenses, this is a communication issue
I doubt you’ve ever been in a relationship, neckbeard 😂
Why not both?
Have you? Because you seem pretty naïve. Good communication is a must, yeah, but you're acting like outside forces can't impact a relationship. They can and they do.
My main question is if it was needed.
He said that he was putting money into two separate accounts for them.
Did the wife demand that he make so much money? Why were there two separate accounts to begin with?
It makes me question if OP cared more about making money and saving then being with his wife and kids
How about he wanted to be a provider for his family more than spend time watching them struggle.
As a man if your kids are hungry you failed
As a man if your wife is wanting you failed
As a man if you can't keep and protect your family you failed.
I've worked 2 jobs to feed my family. I've walked this struggle. I nearly didn't make it out of this with my family. He could have spent more time at home, yes but what did she do so he didn't have to work so much? You don't know? Then don't pass judgement.
And if you find yourself at home with kids while your partner is working all day everyday and then nights aswell. Think what do I need to do to free up their time so we can enjoy it together.
I think she was having him do 2 accounts so should could have more money to leave him
Thats insane. A man has to do more than work to provide for their family. But seem like you both took on "traditional" roles and it's super warped.
Why wasn't she working to help you provide for the family? Marriage is a partnership.
She cheated and left. It's not your fault. She has a responsibility to talk to you about her unhappiness, her needs not being met and a solution to resolve the problem.
Not saying this is OP's case but if neither partner has gone to college/trade school and thus has nothing to show other than a HS diploma, then it's going to be hard as fuck for both of them to find jobs. So they settle with various low-paying jobs that take up tons of time. Then they have kids and turns out daycare is expensive as shit and it's just cheaper for one parent to stay home while the other is still working all day.
It's a hard situation to get out of. Still wrong to cheat though.
Agreed. We have super-traditional roles in my relationship, and I hate it. He works too much, but refuses to help with the house and kids. It's insane. I have mental health issues btw, and they're not helped by being alone with young children all day, every day.
But instead of cheating on him like his ex wife did, I try my best to communicate things, have told him that I want to back to working in less than a year, and he will bloody have to start doing his share of the Housework and childcare. And of it still doesn't work out, I'll leave. You know, instead of cheating on him for a couple of years first.
Good for you!
I'm sorry, I'm your husband. I work between 50-70 hours a week. My wife went back to work full time last week. I didn't see it as worth it now the kids see less mom as well as missing dad for an extra 100.00/wk after childcare (400-600/mo) and increased insurance costs (+750.00/mo) (her job offers insurance which disqualified our marketplace plan) but i support her for her sanity.
The cost is why I'm waiting until my youngest qualifies for 15 hours free nursery a week, otherwise it wouldn't pay me anything at all after I've paid for the extra fuel etc for going to work. I'd probably start off part time, and increase to full time once kids are in school.
I get it. I had to come to the same understanding. I can earn more but I what I can't earn is time for my Mrs to speak to someone who's not a toddler. Going to work gives you people to talk to. People who don't need nappies changing or you to feed them. If you can both work and share the housework life works out better all round. Even tho we could earn more if just I worked we do OK now
They didn’t have the traditional relationship though. A traditional relationship works on the idea of a father working 40 hrs and being around their children.
I have a “traditional” household structure. Where my spouse works the average 40 hours a week. I see my partner and we go and hang out and our daughter will willing spend time with her father which gives me time to relax and do my own activities.
When spouse isn’t forced into working ridiculous hours a regular traditional relationship still allows time to bond and spend time with your wife and kids.
Where do you live that you can support a family with only 40 hours a week?? What does your partner do?! I'm genuinely curious. I work 60-70h a week, 120k a year and it's still an uphill battle lol
Probably a European country, maybe Scandinavian country.
The whole point of the traditional is one parent at home and take care of the children and one getting money
You do this till the kid is in like 8th grade and can care for themselves then the other can work a part-time job again
This is how traditional works
I’m sorry to hear that. I know it’s super tough, and a tough position for both parties honestly. Perhaps it is ultimately for the best. If you were having to work 100 hours a week to support them, it maybe just wasn’t a good long term fit for either party.
My father shares your story, with the exception of my mother cheating. My mother left after 21 years of marriage. (She was trying to wait till all 4 of her kids finished highschool, but she couldn't take it). My father was a great provider. His job was a long haul truck driver. He worked from Sunday night at 7pm till about Friday around 3pm. He was home Friday night until Sunday evening. My mother did everything else. Honestly, all I can say, I'm sorry your wife cheated. But I am really happy your kids don't have to see that type of marriage anymore. Your kids deserve to know what happiness looks like. Reading the comments, I don't think you took your children into consideration. They are humans, you need to show them how to love and how to accept and be loved.
Right or wrong it sucks either way. Cheating is never the right option at anytime. In the long run it doesn't benefit anyone involved, and is probably if I had to pick one, the only situation that can't be worked through. Trust just cannot be replaced.
You didn't do anything wrong.
You were providing for your family.
Your partner chose to cheat.
There is no reason to justify cheating.
Now, take care of your children and work on yourself.
Hopefully the fact that your ex cheated will get them $0 in child support.
That’s not how that works. Unless he gets evenly split custody, he may have to be child support.
Child support doesn’t benefit the spouse. Stop confusing child support with alimony.
So her work taking care of the kids and the house full-time is not work? She was working. Without her, he would have had to pay someone to take care of the kids, clean, cook, shop for food, do laundry, and literally everything else to be a functioning human.
They were doing equal amounts of work.
Time to change the system.
Some judges are already doing it.
Adults aren't responsible for their adult EX.
As soon as the relationship ends, so does the help.
Get your life together, meanwhile, I'll watch the kids.
No need for a custody battle, be logical adults. Simple.
Ok, explain to a judge how he will take care of the children when he’s working 100 hours a week? All it means now is one mouth less to feed (hers) but doing all the labor she used to at home. Again, I think you don’t you’re confusing the concepts of child support vs alimony.
>Hopefully the fact that your ex cheated will get them $0 in child support.
Just because the ex cheated, he still has to take care of his kids.
Taking care of your children does not mean paying the other parent child support.
The children should remain with the parent that is financially capable of providing for them.
The other parent should get themselves on their feet while the other parent watches the children.
Again, that’s not how that works.
Again, that's how it should be.
Which ever parent needs to get on their feet, the other parent can watch the kids.
Your EX isn't your bank account.
Nobody is saying that. But we get it, it still sounds like you have no idea how it actually works, and even less of how it should work.
Agreed - your EX is not your bank account. But if one person is working 100 hrs/week to provide, how is that person ALSO going to be the primary child care provider? And the individual who has been providing full time UNPAID labour to do the child rearing may have had to give up opportunities/experience/schooling etc to provide said care, which might render it more challenging to simply traverse into a different role. It's a balance, & that's why the courts don't have a blanket one-size-fits-all policy like the one you're suggesting.
No one SHOULD take advantage of a partner OR an ex when it comes to support, but to add to the Dumpster Fire of a situation, whereby one individual is working 3 jobs to provide for the family financially, there aren't many safety nets that are in place to permit the breakdown of a family in this position to seamlessly bounce into 2 self-sufficient households WITHOUT the children suffering.
This is heartbreaking all around & I hope this parent can continue to foster a meaningful relationship with their children - one where they can both contribute financially to their well-being AND be able to spend time enjoying one another's company.
But how is he supposed to take care of the kids when he needs to work 3 jobs?
How is she, if she's a broke stay at home mom?
Yes because he can definitely take great care of them whilst working 7 days a week...
Unfortunately this decision is made by one judge, one time. The first decision that is made in terms of custody and support has a HUGE bearing on how the final arrangement plays out. Numbers will be adjusted over time, but unless something goes sideways, the judge will keep the initial custody arrangement if at all possible to prevent instability for the children.
And if OP is the only working parent, and is working all the time, 9/10 times the mother will retain primary physical custody and OP will be passing child support. Alimony isn't usually calculated in the initial court orders, but the expectation will be that the kids will have a home and food and childcare.
After school care can handle that, or, a nanny.
It's a common occurrence in the US.
Of course the parent getting on their feet can have the kiddos anytime they want, but, the parents should not have to pay each other anything.
Need money to care for the kids?
I'll watch them until you are capable.
Thanks for coming to my TED talk.
He has toddlers. They aren’t in school for an after school program. He also works 100 hours a week to provide basics so how can he afford a nanny?
Who knows, maybe working that much was to attain an image to keep the other partner happy.
We can't speculate.
All we can do is cross our fingers that the parents will be rational and do what is best for the well being of those little humans.
Thanks for your response bud.
The parent who is financially better off is usually better off because they're working, and therefore not available to look after toddlers. You didn't think this through.
That’s not how this works at all. Judges want both parents involved and yes that generally means one pays child support.
You’re talking about alimony not child support. Child support isn’t for your ex but for your children. It’s assumed that the person who has to take care of the kids has less time to work, so the other one has to pay. The past is irrelevant.
This is love right here ^
Well hopefully she’ll still get plenty of child support, unless he wants his kids to go without!
Noscopesheriff givin off those incels vibes. Only a couple real options here… angry teen that doesn’t understand the logistics of co-parenting, or sad older man that doesn’t understand the logistics of co-parenting.
Lol, this comment made me laugh.
Western women in the 21st century don’t appreciate security and provision anymore they think it’s a given, they want the hot exciting guy from the foam cannon party. They’d rather get with the exciting guy that makes them tingle, than stick by your man that would be a better long term candidate. I get it if you have no time she’s frustrated but you had kids with her, what the hell, so many women wreck their own homes because of selfish reasons. This is the result of the sexual liberation and giving women no consequences for wrecking their own homes
That's a lot of words for "women won't fuck me and it pisses me off"
I’m not pissed off buddy. Kick rocks
Why do men cheat then? But wow though. Just... Wow.
Idk maybe she just had two kids and hasn’t had sex with him for several months or more. The amount of men who actually have the ability to cheat is very small, you picked him. Most men are necessitous and are monogamous by necessity. Women in general want men that other men want to be and other women want to bang, so the men that women pick sometimes cheat. According to an okcupid study women find 80% of men as below average in attractiveness, so the remaining 20% have options. Only 1% of men on tinder get swiped consistently and super liked.
Cheating for a man would be emotionally investing in another woman and taking his energy and resources away from his wife and giving it to them. Having sex is just filling a sexual need and men can separate emotions from sex, if you don’t believe me just look how prevalent porn consumption is, men can separate emotions and just scratch a physical urge. Women on the other hand if she’s having sex with another man she’s most likely already checked out of the relationship. Men and women are different, most of the double standards between men and women benefit women, overwhelmingly the double standards benefit women, so the one double standard where men’s sexuality plays by different rules than women outrages women. I’m not saying cheating is okay for men, if there’s an implied contract of monogamy and he’s dishonest about it then i’m not saying that’s okay. But men and women have completely different roles, they don’t play by the same rules
Rollo's books need to be manditory reading for every 15yo boy.
Seriously man, at least someone understands and has done their homework. He’s doing important work to unplug men from the matrix, those who are ready to be deconditioned anyways. Deconditioned from the programming that gynocentrism has given us. But inevitably if you unplug from the matrix, the crabs will try to drag you back in. You’re not allowed to say anything about women if it’s in any way unflattering to them, regardless if it’s true or not. It’s the emotionalism, “don’t judge me!!!”, you’re not allowed to make any kind of assessment or “judgement” against women. We’re supposed to just tolerate their bad behavior and men are the ones who have to take 100% responsibility with 0% authority. Men are the ones who lose custody most of the time and have to pay bills even if she leaves you, men have the right to make assessments and judgements in order to secure their own future of their life. And men need to understand how the dating game works, 5 minutes of alpha beats 5 years of beta. Hence Jada Pinkett Smith still an alpha widow to tupac and never got over it, she has everything she could ever need in Will Smith, and it still isn’t enough, she’d rather have Tupac. So men need to learn these things so you don’t end up cucked like will smith or getting divorced. I don’t hold any resentment or anger, I just look at things objectively, but of course they want to silence you by calling you names
Sleeping all weekends is what did it in. Had you used that time to be with your wife it may have been a different story.
I know a lot of couples who resented the fact that their partner slept all weekend.
You do realize sleeping is a necessity, not a luxury, right?
7 days, 24 hours each. This means a total of 168 hours each week. Assuming OP only did 80 hours, not the 100 each week and assuming 7 hours of commute total each week, we are left with 168-7-80, or 81 hours.
A healthy sleep schedule totals about 6 to 8 hours of sleep a day, for a healthy minimum of 42 hours. We are now left with 39 hours per week total. Assuming OP still has to get groceries, go to the bathroom, eat and drink, I think we can deduce an easy 9 hours per week for 30 hours left, spread over 7 days. If we assume OP also needs some time to wake up in the morning before getting to work, and if we also assume that his ex-wife won't always be available at the exact same time as he is awake, we're left with remarkably little actual couple time left.
You understand that if she is alone watching children that she probably isn’t sleeping in either. Especially if they are toddlers.
Looking after toddlers is extremely easier than working 100+ hours across 2 jobs and 1 part time one
Necessity or not, if you're sleeping all weekend your partner will resent you. IF you're working OP's hours your marriage is probably fucked but you could at least take her out on weekends somehow. Even if you sleep in during the day. The fact that he said it never even occurred to him that working all the time would be a problem tells me he probably wasn't particularly attentive
Yep, some people want attention from their loved ones.
So, why did you have kids?
Cause that’s what couples do
That’s a terrible reason to have them honestly. I’m sorry it went down that way.
Y’all probably didn’t think too much about how tradition should fit into your lives.
That is very bad logic. It's such bad logic it looped around to not even qualifying as logic anymore.
Because everyone else does it? Wow. That's miserable.
You give off this weird passive aggressive vibe where you say its your fault, then portray yourself as a "good man" by providing your family and there was nothing you could've done cause you were working for her and the kids, leaving her lonely. That infers that it is ultimately her fault for leaving you for someone cause there was nothing you could do in your situation. Solely judging by the tone of your post I would leave you too.
If he did not worked then you would call him a deadbeat and if he said its not his fault then you will find a blame too. You just wanted an excuse to say it
You don't have to jump to the other extreme. It's just his roundabound way of putting the fault on her from his wording that makes him seem like the 'good man' trying to provide while she left him for someone else while he was working hard for her that's leaving a bad taste in my mouth.
It would've been much better if he had just said he didn't have time for his family and they decided to separate, here it just looks like he's putting himself on a pedestal and putting down the wife.
Didn't have time and spent all my time working are 2 different things.
I didn't have time for you as I was seeing my buddies is diferant to I don't have time for you today I've just been working 15 hours straight
You’re right. I’m sure she would have stayed with him if he just refused to work and they all lived out of a van/box
Lmao I don't understand how not overworking himself to death suddenly gets flipped to being homeless and in a box, reddit truly never ceases to amaze me. Can't he work less hours and his wife take charge? Can't he share parental duties with his wife and do 50/50? These informations were never made clear and somehow reddit can only see 0 or 100 and nothing in between. Really hilarious to see.
Because a lot of people’s financial situation is like this. If they don’t work 100+ hours a week, they’ll be out of a home in a few months. People don’t work that many hours a week for fun or because they wanna earn some extra money. 100+ hours a week with a wife and kids sounds like desperation mode and doing anything you can to make sure your family is provided for.
You not understanding how someone overworking themself because homelessness is a very real possibility doesn’t change the fact that it is a very real possibility for them.
Well i hope there is water supply , electricity, toilet in van or box .
Doubtful but hey she wouldn’t have felt the need to cheat/leave him
Why did she not discuss things to him ? And OP is also to blame to never ask her opinion on this matter.
Yes he should have done less to make sure they had money
Ikr lmao this is such an obvious bait for sympathy
And the guy has my sympathy, dude works 100 hours a week to provide for the family and the bitch decides to up and leave with another man, you women don’t understand how much us men sacrifice for the community and the world
I get that she shouldn't have cheated, but he is partly to fault, you can't work all week sleep all weekend and leave your wife to raise the kids on her own. That's not a partnership.
She has a responsibility to address the issue if her needs not being met.
Both of them made bad choices.
You’re right. Why didn’t he just go find a better job?
Why don’t homeless people just get homes?
“If your homeless, just buy a house.” - random girl from YouTube
Then they should have moved somewhere cheaper, it's not sustainable what he did, as the results show
Yea. Like I don’t get why homeless people just don’t move somewhere they can afford.
Hi, homeless person here, I live on an island that's very expensive especially the rental market. There's nowhere cheap on the island, it costs money to move somewhere else, and you need a current address to get a job or home anyway. How should I move my stuff on a boat without a car? Do you want to be my "current landlord" cause i can't get a place without one. Once you're homeless it is SO difficult to get out and more expensive to survive, I have to buy all my meals precooked or microwaveable, I have to shell out money to motels to put a roof over my head, I have to go to the laundromat to do laundry and I can only bring small loads since I have to walk so I'm paying hella money just to wash a few items and then do it again the next day. My friends live in their car and they have to pay gas to move around frequently or else they'll be towed, they don't even have a microwave so they can only eat snack type foods, they can't get a job because they don't have an address. Being homeless is HARD and EXPENSIVE it's not easy to just move somewhere cheaper.
That’s literally the point of what I’m saying. People have said he should have found a different job/moved somewhere cheaper to live. I’m pointing out that that is very hard to do
Oh sorry I read it as being serious
This comment section sucks...
Imagine if you didn't get love, sex, or much physical interaction from your spouse but only money?
"It's not your fault"
"She cheated, not you"
If my wife only worked and never have time to do things happy couples do then I'd cheat too! What's is this? 1945?
There's this thing called being human, and having human needs that a lot of Americans substitute for status and a big paycheck... Which is why they have a house and 2 Mercedes but lack the ability to have a conversation on multiple topics that doesn't involve school, College or Corporate America jargon/indoctrination... Or how to deal with and manage diverse personalities and cultures. Lastly, how to anticipate human needs without throwing in the towel and running to the nearest comfort zone because of a fixed mindset.
Even I took a pay cut from certain jobs because Quality Of Life overall matters more to me and the people I care about. Fuck being a top salesman making 6 figures. Now if you can make 6 figures without lifting a finger. More power to you! But if you gotta slave 100 hours a week and don't have time for anything else but watch your bank account grow, I bet money you have a vanilla personality.
I've known several guys who took the 'work 100 hours a week and provide as much money as possible' route.
Same shit as this guy, worked all day and slept all weekend.
All of their relationships ended the same. She was attention starved and left and he acted like she was cruel.
But like...you ONLY provide money. Nothing else. You aren't there, you aren't present. When you are home you're tired. Wtf do you expect? Like you said its not 1945 where the housewife is expected to sit around and dutifully wait for her husband.
Exactly! Fuck that bullshit!!
Yeah the problem is you forget the pressure on men to provide.
Just like their dad's did, in this modern world where our wages are significantly less than our fathers were. With this in mind we are supposed to provide like our fathers while giving women equal job opportunities ( while due to fucked up laws women get paid less for the same job)
When a child Is born a women goes into 'nesting mode' and men go into providing mode. If unchecked women can ignore their partners entirely for the baby and men can ignore their partners in efforts to provide. It's just fact. If your suffering because of one of these don't resent your partner. Explain what's missing in your life and what you will do to get it back from them. Don't expect them to change everything, your almost definitely 50% to blame. As I was.
Couldn’t agree more. Not everything in life is black and white. There are two sides to every story. Not saying it’s ok to cheat, it definitely isn’t, but it definitely doesn’t make the wife 100% inherently evil and OP 100% the good guy. I wish Reddit commentators would have a bit of balance.
So maybe "boredom" needs to be put in the wedding vows.
"Suckness and health, but boredom? I'm banging the UPS guy" 🤣🤣🤣
>I wish Reddit commentators would have a bit of balance.
Me too. I wish we had casual knowledge of who uses Reddit when dating.
It would help us normal people avoid trains looking for a place to wreck.
One day you will be treated horribly by someone you loved and trusted. Remember your beliefs when they repeat them back to you: There are two sides to every story - and surely you had it coming.
No two sides of a story justifies domestic violence, cheating, manipulation, deliberate mistreatment, spousal rape, or more. Imagine if a man posted about dating the most distant and unappealing partner and said she deserved to be hurt for it. Then people defend those antics. Now look at yourself here and consider what your statement really implies.
You’re putting words in my mouth here. I was talking about this situation, which is cheating. I’m not justifying rape or murder or abuse and to imply otherwise is just bang out of order. I simply don’t believe all cheaters are inherently terrible people, the same as I don’t believe all thieves are inherently terrible people. If I had a friend whose husband treated her like a total slave for example, and she repeatedly told him how she felt she was a single parent doing all the work whilst he didn’t pull his weight, and after years of telling him she’d had enough and wanted change, then she met someone and ended up cheating, I wouldn’t place 100% blame on her, tell her she was the worst person who ever existed, that she deserved to die etc like a lot of Redditors do. In terms of what that says about me as a person, I’d say that makes me pragmatic, balanced and reasonable, but I guess you are free to think whatever the heck you like.
You are declaring there are two sides to every story.
So go on, then.
Put on a very public display on what you mean when saying there are two sides to domestic violence, manipulation, lies, deceit, infidelity, or more. You have every possible opportunity to share how your position is reasonable or healthy.
Now you're saying that two sides to every story only justifies cheating - betraying someone in the most intimate way imaginable - but not other acts of deliberate harm. Do normal people look at deliberate acts of harm against a partner and declare there are two sides to every story? How would you behave if a man treated his girlfriend like shit, while people chimed in to say she had it coming?
And you wonder why I prefer to know if someone uses Reddit if I decide to date them? They might be an anonymous hot mess like you.
It isn't okay to publicly wish that people deserved to be hurt by someone they loved and trusted - no matter what form this hurt takes.
I’m declaring that there are two sides to every cheating story, yes. Jesus I bet you’d argue with your own reflection wouldn’t you?! You must be fun at parties!
That no excuse for cheating . She should have discuss things with her husband instead of cheating .
Yeah whatever... Just like how he should have told her straight up he's only gonna be the breadwinner to the max and won't have time for anything else and she should just deal with it?
You know like she would have said " you should quit one job and spend time with me weekends , we will save money monthly to have better living condition"
I never said she should deal with it but discuss things with him.
Why isn't the wife working and helping out with the bills what is this 1945??
Because she was watching the children? Considering he was gone over 100 hours a week I can assume he didn't do any childcare. How was she supposed to get a job exactly. Please tell me.
Clearly they couldn't afford childcare if he's working three jobs, he would have to quit a job first so they can work out a schedule. She must've been miserable at home 24/7 with the children and no attention from her spouse.
Fucking the neighbor you mean , kinda hard to watch kids with Dick in your mouth
My husband used to work a lot. I stayed home with the kids. There was no other option. I had to be the one reliable parent. Now we both have a better work/life balance. It's not perfect, I still do a lot more than him at home, but its better.
Gee man. I don't know, why not ask OP instead of reading between the line?
I'm calling absolute bullshit. There's absolutely no way you needed to work 2 full time jobs and a part time job to make enough. I need to see your finances bro, how much were you making and how much were you spending per month
I begged my ex to hang out with me and my son...he decided to sleep
I got a boyfriend, left
He turned my son against me
I guess its my fault
How long should I have waited for him to get up and see the big picture
Sounds like a bit of both. Men do seem to have this idea that raising children at home isn't real work, or not the same kind of work as a job, but its one of the hardest jobs on earth, a fact men realize pretty quickly when they find themselves in that same position. But like some of the others are saying, you shouldn't have had to work as much. Was there a solution? Maybe, it also depends on your actual relationship, did you just come home & sleep, or did you try to help around the house & chip in too? Did you listen to her stories & problems & make time for the 2 of you?
Its hard to say & I can relate to how you feel, been there myself. Best thing you can do now is figure out what you need to do to be a great dad because that relationship is both more important than any other & your choices & behavior will impact their lives for potentially the rest of their lives.
I would much rather be taking care of the kids all day. Its demanding but it's simple stuff.
It's hard labor actually. It's not all about just feeding and bathing kids. A homemaker also has to coordinate schedules for things like doctor's appointments, track inventory of food and other household items that need to be purchased, do the shopping when it fits into their schedule, plan meals and do a lot of prioritizing and scheduling of all other household tasks.
I design and build apps for a living, and am a senior team lead at that. My work is complex and requires hard skills in engineering, strategy, storytelling, and design. I am also a single person who takes care of my household (of one person plus a dog), and it's difficult. It also requires a lot of the same skills most "office" jobs do, especially when kids are involved.
Cheating is literally never ok. Fuck that scumbag
Sleeping all weekend after your partner has also worked 100 hours looking after kids that same week is definitely not ok either. But, she should have just divorced him.
2 jobs means a shift while partner and kids are asleep...
It is okay unless the wife provided a better alternative.
What? Did she say he should quit his job and get way less money for time?
I doubt it... she just wanted the best of all worlds. Get that money, and thrilling, low class romance on the side.
Fake. No way in fuck you work 100 hours a week
Nothing justifies cheating. But you both lacked in communication. If you wanted more time with family you should have communicated that with your wife, discuss with her possibly going to work to help out so you both could have family time. There is so much more to bring a husband and father than providing money. I hope you find peace in your life and everything works out for you in the end. <3
If she got another man it was premeditated not your fault dude , sorry for my language but fuck her
Did she expect you to work that much? Did she expect the amount of money you were bringing in? Why didn't she work too? As a woman I can't imagine being ok with my partner working 100 hours a week and sleeping on the weekends. That is terrible. But I would work too to help take that load off of them. I understand that raising children is a job too, but if you needed 100 hours of work to support the family then why didn't you each work 50 and raise your children together? I have a sister that is a single mother that works 40 hours a week and raises her son. They don't live uncomfortably just not well off. I don't understand your post, I wish I had more context. From what you have said I think you both could have done more for your relationship and your family. I'm a workaholic and I understand just grinding to improve your life, but if I were in a marriage I would expect discussions about how we could do it together. Not one person work the other raise the children. It doesn't work that way for many modern families unless you come from money.
It’s incredibly hard to sustain a marriage like that. My husband, who I love so much, travels overseas constantly and will be gone 4-5 weeks, be home for two, then be gone for a month. We have two young children and I feel like a single mother most of the time. Besides that, he’s not here to be intimate with, or really reassure me that he loves me and still thinks I’m beautiful, etc. I’ve thought about divorce but then I would really be a single mother. And I don’t want to be without him anyway. Sometimes I think about finding someone on the side so I’m not so lonely, which is crazy and awful that those thoughts come into my head. What I’m getting at is being away like that hurts your relationship. I do hope that she had a talk with you about this before she left.
You should join a support group or some therapy if that’s available to you, you shouldn’t stay with someone just because of your fear of being a single mum, your happiness matters. Your relationship can really only be saved if he changes his work patterns or works on communicating while hes away. If he has internet he can reassure you that you’re important to him so dont settle for loneliness. Relationship therapy is your best bet
You're blaming yourself for a thankless wife and a cruel world... Wrong move, be angry, be violent, take up boxing or hunting or something, take out your anger and spend the money you saved on things of value, don't let this broken and immoral world destroy you.
OP, this is NOT your fault. This decision is on her. If she wanted to act like a mature adult, she would have discussed with you her loneliness and any other issues in your relationship to give you a chance to change things. There were things she could have done herself to make things better. She took the easy way out.
On the brighter side of things OP, now that she is gone...you can downsize your home, pay child support, but maybe reduce your hours so that you can go back to school and get a better job so you can live your best life. The best revenge is living well. Someday you will meet someone who is mature and can be trusted to work through problems with you.
Not entirely ur fault. She was a cheater and u were a moron. Both of u were dumb, but only she is despicable (ie, if she didn't try to communicate with u that she is feeling lonely).
I feel sorry for the children.
DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF! Yes I did shout. You did what you though was right providing for your family. No one can shame you for doing that. But that doesn’t mean you should have to. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. Find happiness now, it’s possible. Sending love
Don't blame yourself. She should have communicated her discontent. POS cheater
It’s not your fault
If you blame yourself now, you'll regret it more later than what ur regretting now.
Recently, one of mu cousin brother got a shocking divorce, it was shocking because they were married for 16 years and she was really a good wife.
Now, on the surface it may seem that she too was working hard along with him to keep the family under one roof, but she had a while other game going on below the surface.
They had shifted to Australia some time ago, but she was clever enough to not leave him instantly.
She used his resources to get a nursing degree there along with a PR and even a job.
He had even bought a car for her to travel to work without hassle.
They had kids too, But it mostly seemed that they hers as she was never bothered to even take care of them.
He used to feed, teach and even play with them while she was always busy on her laptop.
She left him as soon as she got a nursing degree and had an affair with some doctor.
She got pregnant and then left my cousin.
Moral of the story - She didn't even think twice before starting her life with someone else.
She just did.
Mourn if you want to, but be sure that time doesn't pass you by.
Your ex was insensitive to not realize that you were working yourself to death just to fulfill her needs.
Sounds like she had a victim mentality.
Don't fall for that. You have the right to be happy just as much as anyone else.
Don't play the blame game, it'll cost you your life and happiness. Just bury everything and be strong enough to start anew. 💌
16 year gone to waste. That woman is a two faced snake , one eye fakes crying to look like she cares and other eye looks for another opportunity to earn her more wealth and lust.
I completely agree.
I think this is just one of those harsh realities of life, even when you may have done nothing wrong and had the best of intentions.
Your wife could have been stronger and prioritized her role as a mother over her role as a cock rider. **Real woman sacrifice.** You deserve better.
She didn't deserve you. Remember that. You are amazing and way better than just someone who workes a lot
I don't think it's as simple as that.
She didn't do anything wrong, he chose work over creating new memories with her and they grew apart.
To me what really did it in was that he said he slept all weekend. If he used weekends to really be with his wife I think it would be a different story.
Took way too long to find a comment like yours. I can understand her side just as much as OPs. Providing for your family is admirable but when it interferes with your ability to be with your family (actively participate) then it is a negative. Fault can be thrown at both of them here.
Exactly. You fall in love out of a shared connection that can wither away and die once you stop actually making time to connect
You’re right. Better to be shit poor as a unit.
Wouldn't say shit poor but for OP it looks like he overworked himself to be able to not only keep up with basic costs but also set money aside. There has to be a balance there.
I agree. Sudden unexpected costs such as a debilitating illness and or injury don’t ever cause families to be homeless and no one should work to have money aside.
Again, balance. There has to be a balance.
Sure. She found her balance on another mans cock. I hope op doesn’t lie to his kids for her and if he has sons makes them know how bad of a deal marriage is for men.
No, you don’t have to blame yourself, you were the one working all the time to provide for your family while she was cheating on you while you were gone.
True, but in her defense She was working too. Just inside the home.
Still doesn’t justify cheating.
Pardon my language, but don’t let that piece of shit make you feel you’re in the wrong or make you feel bad because she “felt alone” and went ahead and abused you. I keep seeing “not getting attention” be a justification for cheating so don’t let that bitch do the same, she had no issue with abusing your trust. My best advice is to tell the truth to your child when they reach a good enough age so they have a better image of you.
Don’t let her back in your life, she cheated once, she’ll do it again.
Yeah it’s despicable that people justify bad actions. Things could always be worked on or just end them before cheating happens
Goodness... No one should deserve that. Especially if you were the one putting in the work to make sure you and your family was supported and living comfortable. She will realize later down the road that she made a grave mistake and took what you did for granted..
You did nothing wrong. You actually did everything you could to have you both under great living conditions, you don't have to blame yourself since you tried everything you could to make it work. You're an amazing human being and you should know that. Best wishes from here.
Maybe, maybe not. It's over now. I hope can heal from this and move forward.
Of course it's your fault just like it was my fault
Bri she cheated, trust is gone it doesn't come back not your fault. Move on
Look on the bright side...you get to work less, lots more free time to do what you want to do.
Find someone new...carry on with life.
Nothing justifies cheating. But you both lacked in communication. If you wanted more time with family you should have communicated that with your wife, discuss with her possibly going to work to help out so you both could have family time. There is so much more to being a husband and father than just providing money. I hope you find peace in your life and everything works out for you in the end. <3
Sorry to hear your misfortune. Seriously, join the trades!
That is DEFINITELY not all your faultI’m cut yourself some slack. What you did, it seemed like all for the family, so no foul
Wife’s are funny. You are probably really going to get f’d in the divorce though. My condolences on living in a gynocentric society.
You don't deserve to be thrown around like trash. I don't want to overstep my bounds but I think you need to spend some time taking care of yourself. All of that work would drain the life out of anyone.
>by working 2 full time jobs and 1 part time job 100 hours a week M-F. In order to make enough money to keep a roof over our heads and put money into a separate accounts for each of us.
No, it's not your fault. That's on her 80%, sure you could have reached out if you noticed her becoming distant but it sounded like you worked your ass off so she could be comfortable.
If anything, take this as a lesson about just how important communication is in a relationship. I wouldn't have started transitioning if it wasn't for my wife, she was the person I was the most scared of telling but she was the most supportive in the end.
I wish you well, sir or madam, but don't be too hard on yourself. At least you were able to be a good provider. <3
I'm very sorry. You did what you thought was best. She doesn't seem to have the same values that you do and that's actually the main problem. It's very important to share values.
I hope you have a great future. Take this time to get a trade.
Never heard a more sure fire high school writing exercise. Title. “No one else to blame”. First sentence. “There is another man in my wife”.
Ummmmm. There’s someone else bro, you blew your continuity. C-
Nah it's not your fault. She should have been more supportive if it was out of your control.
I can’t say too much because I’d have to know the entire situation, but at least you cared enough to want to provide for your wife and kids which is a lot more than some men are willing to do. And this by no means is male bashing at all; just wanted to point out to give yourself some credit. I’m sorry and hope this leads you on a path where you’ll find happiness💖
There was a period in my marriage where my husband worked 1 full time job and 2 part-time jobs while I took care of our children... one of which was delayed at birth and needed extra assistance. We decided that I would stay home with the children. I would got up early with him before he left for work and make him breakfast and pack his lunch. Then I would get everything ready for my day with the children. When he came home I gave him time to unwind and I made sure that dinner was ready so that we could all eat together. I made sure that he knew that I appreciated the sacrifices that he made for our family and he made sure that I knew he appreciated me. Yes, I got tired, yes I missed him being at home with us. BUT, it was what we needed at that time my husband is now retired and his labor was not in vein. You are not to blame for your ex wife choosing to cheat. Marriage is not easy, it requires work, patience and understanding. She did not appreciate your sacrifices.
all you were to her was a walking atm
What if…your wife worked too, put kids in daycare, and together shared the bills? I know “this and that and this,” but what does “raising kids on her own” actually mean? There was not enough shared responsibility in the marriage maybe.
No one should be working 100 hours per week. Doesn't matter if you are puting money in different accounts and saving up. By the time you get the money you want to have you will probably have more health issues to deal with. Maybe drop one or something it will eat you out if you continue working 100 hours per week. Especially now you are probably not really stable emotionaly and that is completely understandable. Make sure you put your health and your self above work always. Money will mean nothing if you don't have your health. Hope everything works out for you in the end.
You did what you felt you had to do to support yourself and your family. There is never an excuse for cheating. Be kinder to yourself.
My boy, you’re working 100 hours a week to keep a roof over your family’s head and she ups and leaves for another man? Man fuck that bitch for not being loyal, she should be grateful that you were sacrificing everything for her and the family cause with how the marriage rate is constantly depleting year after year, she’ll be lucky to find another dude to put a ring on it
Maybe, but it still takes two to tango
This might actually be one of the major reasons I hesitate to start a family. It stems from a lack of confidence from being able to provide for the family and cost of doing so; limited time to develop relationship with family. Unfortunately, it's mostly either/or in our times. If i'm financially struggling, it's on me and I alone have to deal with it. If I have a family, it's on me and we all have to deal with it and the ramifications of it.
Even If i'm able to provide for the family, they'll most likely barely see me or get to know me. I applaud all the parents who can successfully strike a good balance.
You was working too much my dude. You did what you thought was best, but this is why I would never work all them hours. Can't blame someone for getting lonely and doing something like what she did
Imo, if both of you agreed to the marriage then it should be both of your responsibilities to communicate and work things out. So don't try to put all the blame on yourself.
Best thing that happened out of all of this is that your abke to admit that You were to blame for alot. Most cant even do that. You may not have a do over with her but maybe there's someone out there that now, you no how not to act, you actually have a different relationship. One where your happy an so is your partner. Even better maybe it'll be your soulmate. Do what ya have to do to get over this an start over. I have faith in ya. 😉