By - AwesomeTrish
one thing that really annoyed me was the way he treated his mother. in a way he treated her like some kind of servant. When he tapped his cup to her like she’s supposed to serve him. It’s not to say that his mother didn’t want to make him happy by serving him, but jesus he could’ve been more respectful. you can just tell he wanted Lynette to be more like his mother and i bet you if Lynette wasn’t more assertive with herself, Tom would take advantage and walk all over her and she would be a housewife who would let things slide. I’m glad she put her foot down in so many situations because Tom was just so irritating.
Lynette was NEVER the villain. I’ve watched the show with my boyfriend and have had him constantly say that Lynnette was the WORST. When you break it down she isn’t, especially compared to the other women. She’s a woman who with 5 kids with a husband that doesn’t contribute in the slightest. I’d be just as annoyed and abrasive as her, anyone would be. She’s the last person who should be hated on the show.
She's the epitome of "nagging wife" which is code for "woman who does all the work and keeps everything together while her husband uses weaponised incompetence to get away with letting his wife do everything". Poor long suffering lynette
To be fair, his mother raised him that way and it really sheds a light on why his beliefs and treatment of lynette are the way they are. His mom taught him that women should be nothing more than slaves to their husbands and children, especially the boys. The fact that she happily jumps to serve him when he taps his coffee cup and other things she says during this time period show you where this behavior came from. Her.
Doesn't she tell Lynette that you need to be there for our men or something....no wait it was Penny. And Lynette tells her that it doesn't work too well because even her husband cheated on her.
that’s so true. she’s the one who taught him that women are supposed to be submissive. i like how when his mother was telling Penny that women are supposed to serve men, lynette snapped at her by saying “look how that turned out in your marriage” (i don’t remember exactly what she said cause it’s been a while since i’ve finished the show) and everyone looked at lynnette like she fucked up (which she did step out of line) but she was not wrong!
If you think about it, Tom must love Lynette so much to do so much adjustment to her, letting her be “the boss” for most of their relationship. Yeah, his ego feels threatened a lot of times, but he still allows Lynette to boss him over despite his feelings. Growing up in that kind of family setup, the natural is for him to be the Alpha at home like Carlos.
Where does he let Lynette boss him?
He's the one that decided that he was gonna be a stay-at-home dad. He was the one that decided Lynette would go back to work. Then, he decided that they'd open the pizzeria.
Then when Lynette tried to get Tom a job w/ one of Bree's friends, Tom didn't want it (fair play). So, Lynette instead tried to get the job to which Tom gets annoyed and fights for it.
he would rarely let her boss. and whenever she did, she would always seem like the “bad cop.”
I'm only on Season 2 but the episode I just watched made me so mad at Tom!
It was when he decided to apply for the job at Lynette's place of work in spite of her expressing concern about how it would affect their marriage, because suddenly he's insecure and salty about being a stay at home husband when it was his idea to begin with because he threw a massive strop!
I understand comments about him being a realistic character, and I do like that, but at the same time he is such a baby.
•selfish and puts his however unreasonable desires before everyone else
•wanting to sell the restaurant and live in a van
•opening the restaurant in the first place and making Lynette quit her job (her dream career he always wanted to have) to work at a failing business
•blaming Lynette for being depressed while she had CANCER (“yOu nEvEr AsK me about MY feElInGs”)
•making Lynette feel unloved and undesired while she has cancer by forcing her to wear a wig and even pretend she’s “another woman” which is kind of sort of cheating imo. She saw he’s rather have Brandy than her
•forcing her practically to hire him even though she knew him being her subordinate would cause problems in their relationship and SHE WAS RIGHT
•keep on impregnating her despite her explicit demand to only have one child and be allowed to go back to work
•sleeping with her best friend while they were engaged (yes, they were on a break but he jumped in bed with another woman on day 1 smh)
•while he was SAHH keeping the house trashed despite her multiple complaints and making her feel like an asshole for asking to come home to a clean house
•multiple breach of consent for his own sexual pleasure
•especially that one time when he came to her work and forced himself on her even though she didn’t want it right at her work while she was on call with colleagues and clients thus jeopardizing her career
•almost always just disregarding Lynette’s wishes and dreams and making her feel bad about them
•making her feel like she doesn’t deserve him
•she bore him 6 children and gets no respect or admiration for it at all (also I’m pretty sure he guilted her into keeping all after her first pregnancies)
•not wanting to get a vasectomy because “if you die I want to marry again soon and have more children” (as if your existing four isn’t enough)
•enrolling in college for a useless degree which he eventually quits because he partied instead of studying
•that time when Lynette set up a dinner with Bree’s friend to try to get Tom a job because he was depressed but he acted like a disinterested rude ass but as soon as she saw he was unwilling and tried to pitch her own candidacy he suddenly felt like she was stealing “his” job and became extremely hostile towards her trying to bring her down in front of her potential employer even blaming her for having cancer as if she had it on purpose
And that’s only 6 seasons
I wish I could give you an award 🥇🥇🥇
He’s just generally selfish and extremely immature. A man child. A whiny pathetic insecure man child. That’s why he’s so realistic - because they are so common. And the fact that your husband likes him troubles me.
The first 3 points are supposed to be in context with “doing all that without asking Lynette’s opinion or thinking about his family’s wellbeing in the long run”.
he's the WORST
The whole scene where he’s complaining that she never asked him about how HER cancer is affecting HIM… and she says “omg I’m one of those selfish cancer bitches” or something like that… I was seriously hoping she was being sarcastic in that moment and every time I realize she’s serious, I get annoyed all over again!
On point number 3 though, it was her idea to quit and work for him. He didn’t make her. Ed was kind enough to let her come back after finding out she lied to him and catching her at the street fair the same day she was supposed to be back. She then quit and went to Tom with the application to be his assistant manager. The business wasn’t failing then, it was brand new and successful for many years.
Perhaps you’re right about point 3, it just always seemed to me like she just went along with him but not very enthusiastically.
and the part abt him sleeping with renee is egregious whether or not they were on a break. they could’ve been officially broken up for a year, but him getting with her close friend would still hurt! the fact that he could’ve had ANYONE when they were on that break and he chose one of her friends is just nasty
I mostly agree with these but the only thing I don't like is how you're acting like he forced her to have kids. It takes two to make a baby. Lynette knows how babies are made, she's an upper class educated woman who has access to contraception, she chose not to use it just as much as Tom! If you want to talk about a man forcing his wife to have a baby, you should be talking about Carlos...
He acts like a giant toddler throwing tantrums and treats Lynette like crap to the point where she has to be controlling in order to get shit done.
Because he’s the kind of man you have children with, and then immediately regret it because he is also a child. You can’t win because you’re either sacrificing time with your kids and your sanity to please him, or you’re being called a bad wife because you’re trying to run an entire household.
The accumulated a-hole moments and behaviour of Tom throughout 8 seasons made me forgive some of Lynette’s behaviour towards Tom in Season 8. He was so rarely supportive of her wishes and ambition. He didn’t even help at the house or with the kids until he had to or because it suited him after they separated and he had a new girlfriend within a couple weeks.
>!Wait till you get to the separation in season 8. he just completely gives up on the marriage and starts dating someone new. Then MOVES IN WITH HER and introduces her to the kids after 3 months together!! He brings this new relationship to mike's funeral, penny's birthday, family nights, etc. He's so innapropriate and has no boundaries and as always, SO DAMN CHILDISH. He doesn't even try to fight for his marriage or lynette after everything she's done for him. His new gf is just as controlling and manipulative as Lynette but doesn't "get angry" with him so he's happier with her. So then Lynette, as usual, has to be the one fighting for their marriage. !<
i thought it was very inappropriate how fast tom tried to bring jenny into the fold. his free/solo time is one thing, but he should not have had jane around his kids like she was mommy number two. and bringing her to every pickup and drop off was just unnecessary
It's the sexual coercion and general man babyness for me. He's a creature.
i’m watching right now too and on season 6 and almost don’t have the patience to finish the series BECAUSE of tom and all the reasons above. he’s so insufferable
My like/hate for him wavers but every time he and lynette are in a serious disagreement and his body gets all rigid, his face gets red and he gets a threatening, lower tone of voice and tells her to “drop it or it’s going to be a serious problem” or something along those lines triggers me. If you pay attention, it happens a lot. Some moments that jump out at me from memory are when Lynette tries talking to him about his mom possibly having dementia and when she brings up concerns about Kayla. Tom just instantly gets upset and accuses her of being spiteful instead and doesn’t take action in these situations until shit hits the fan. In the Kayla situation, when she has to leave to live with her grandparents, he takes it out on Lynette when the whole situation could have gone a lot different if he had taken action way sooner than he did.
Then, the way he manipulates and gaslights her into being ashamed to want a career over being a stay at home mom pisses me off. Or when she’s upset about being pregnant with twins, again, because half of her children are now adults and she’s having a hard time believing she will love them (mind you she’s only like 3 months pregnant) and he gets angry at her in the doctors office…. Yeah. Stuff like that. He bitches to everyone that she’s a “ball buster” and runs their household and him by making all of the decisions (and that he’s such a good man that he lets her to keep her feeling safe) when the truth is she gives into him and what he wants ALL THE TIME. She does all of the responsible stuff to keep their family afloat and he throws fits until he gets his way. Otherwise their family would probably be homeless because Tom is petulant and often irresponsible.
He’s not all bad and the first few times I watched the series I liked him until I really started picking up on all these little things. He was written to look like the star husband and it works when you haven’t re-watched the series several times and had more time to pay attention to all of the little things. Now I can’t miss them.
ETA - sorry, I know this is already a rambling novel but the fact that he jumps right into a serious relationship with another woman when he and lynette are barely separated is so pathetic that it makes me angry every time.
They are the epitome of “they deserve each other.”
Lynette wants everything her way, but then is frustrated when Tom doesn’t do everything exactly how she wants it. But when he does things, he’s “wrong.”
Lynette claims to want to work but then whines whenever she has to miss something she would have at home. But then Tom doesn’t respect work boundaries.
Tom has an ill fated idea to start a pizzeria but then Lynette lies to her boss to help so they end up depending too much on his business.
Over and over- they both suck.
Yeah, I truly think they just both bring out the worst in each other.
Treating Lynette like a broodmare was pretty bad, imho.
They were as bad as each other. Imo
I kinda think that is the moral of the show lol
He’s awful to Lynette. Always made her feel bad for being a hard worker and smarter than her. Required too much coddling.
Your husband saying Tom isn’t that bad and the most realistic is honestly a little concerning 😭
Reasons why Tom is gross: turning Lynette into a baby making machine when she clearly wanted to be a businesswoman, THE SEX PACT and then him getting angry about the fucking sex pact, he doesn’t care about her wants, him seeing the naked babysitter and then initiating sex with Lynette right after, him making that HUGE risk with the pizza parlor bc he only cared about HIS wants, he’s literally a big selfish child… do I need to go on?
When Lynette had cancer Tom got mad at her because no one was asking how he's doing
I can relate to this one a little. My dad had cancer and my mom did absolutely everything for him & beyond (she always has and always will but she was extra). It’s a lot of burden on the caregiver. My mom never whines about it like Tom did, but I made sure to check in with her on a different level. She did every appointment, med, and just general fear. I remember sitting w my mom when my dad was in surgery and she was like I want to make it to fifty years together. I think it’s a lot on the caregiver. I’ll give Tom points on that, but he could have whined less.
I agree that Tom really isn’t that bad. People claim he’s the most insufferable, but I only think it’s because he’s the most realistic of all the husbands. Others such as Carlos have done a lot worse than Tom but don’t get nearly the amount of hate.
Yeah I feel like for most people who dislike Tom it’s because he hits close to home. I don’t know anybody like him but he feels realistic, and overall he’s a good character
Yeah I agree. I mean imo Tom and Lynette are as bad as each other
Tbh he’s really not that bad. He’s a normally flawed human. He has a few ugly moments but of all the husbands in the show I would argue he averages out to be the best one of them all. Orson is the only other one who gives him a run for his money. Mike is too emotionally immature to compete before anyone comments him ha ha ha