T O P
Needmoresnakes

It's a kind of weird middle ground. Yes if I pass out on a horse the horse is probably not going to just crash into an object directly in front of us but also my car isn't going to panic and accelerate to top speed in a random direction just because we ran over a stick that crunched loudly.


Diogenes-Disciple

I don’t know if a horse could take me home while I sleep on its back either


Blacklark57

Fun fact: one of a cowboy's most prized possessions was his night horse, who was trained to make its way back to camp in the dark while the cowboy slept.


AmeliaLeah

Lol source?


MacGregor_Rose

I MADE IT THE FUCK UP


Endlad

IMAGINE A WORLD RAIDEN, A WORLD WHERE NO ONE WILL CALL ME OUT FOR MY OUTLANDISH CLAIMS, A WORLD WHERE I CAN SAY THE N-WORD!


Blacklark57

Of course! From "Cowboy Lingo" by Ramon F Adams (1936): *In every remuda there were certain horses known to be "night horses", no matter what cowboy might inherit him for his mount. Their sure-footedness and ability to detect animals in the dark was uncanny, and they could find their way back to the wagon on the darkest night. Many night-guards have been ridden by dozing cowboys who, nodding the hours through, sat in the saddle upon a horse that needed no touch of the bridle rein, but jogged the circle around the herd with faithful regularity, and put back every cow that attempted to escape from it. Good night-horses, along with cutting and roping horses, were prized beyond price and generally loved by the man who rode them.*


Loretta-West

If your home is also where the horse lives, and you've travelled that route a few times, it definitely could. The difficult bit would probably be not falling off in your sleep.


DMTrious

I imagine the horse pulling me around in a wagon or a little cart


AnonymousOkapi

It depends how hungry the horse was and how tasty the grass looked along the way


Bismothe-the-Shade

You might be surprised with how much horses love routine and familiarity.


FormerLurker3

I take a riding lesson once a week and we occasionally go on trail rides. Our instructor tells us every time, if we get separated from the group and lost, just basically let the horse go where he wants and he’ll almost certainly go home. Even if there’s food on the trail, they wanna see their friends, they want to drink, they want this stupid saddle and human off their back, and they know all those things happen back home at the barn.


Nexessor

Unfortunately my (or rather my mother's) horse has absolutely no sense of direction and neither do I. So I sometimes trail ride on my own: I got lost and my phone died, so I thought ok ill just allow the horse to go where it wants. Turns out it went into the complete wrong direction took me like 1 hour to get back after finding some people that could give me directions. So yeah there are horses with a bad sense of direction too which I find pretty funny.


FormerLurker3

Oh horses definitely all have their individual quirks. It’s fantastic and hilarious. I love our barn because they have a HUGE pasture and like 4 stables with like 20+ stalls each. They board privately owned horses and do lessons on horses they own themselves, and there’s like 40 animals in the lesson program. I’m too fat for half of them but that means I still get to ride 20 different horses, and get to know the personalities and quirks of all of them. Like Cody is afraid of rain coats but not the little wooden bridge we cross on our obstacle course, and Milo could give a shit less about rain coats but hates that little bridge. Wilbur goes from a walk to a canter the first two or three times you ask him to trot and you have to slow him down until he re-learns the rules, but Stitch will only canter if you RUB your heels on his sides, kicking does nothing. Only rubbing. Also, I firmly believe horses have senses of humor. I swear they actually think they’re being funny sometimes.


red4jjdrums5

Oh they definitely have a sense of humor. My pop’s horse Buddy was a trickster in the stables with hiding things he could reach and Mickey loved pushing you into the electric fence to watch you jump - or he just didn’t notice you since he was a massive Clydesdale, either one. My son goes to riding lessons and the pony he started on seems to have a sense of humor, but it could also be his stubbornness. I don’t go too often to know for sure since I’m allergic to alfalfa and it’s all over the barn.


SomeDemoMain

Interned at the Graham Equestrian Center (Maryland, for those wondering) for 3 weeks this year for high school (still not entirely sure why). Horses are very intelligent and sociable, but ***god damn*** can they be petty. One of them swung at me with their head when I was filling up another horse's water trough. Another one was kind of a prankster, and would ***mock the starlings that were up in the rafters***.


Syrinx221

It's adorable that they want to go back home and see their other horsey friends ❤️


CurnanBarbarian

You could either wake up at home or in the middle of a field haha


HyperbolicModesty

I lived in rural Ireland in the early 90s and there was an old guy who used to come to the pub with a horse and cart, get smashed then crawl into the cart, pull a blanket over himself, and the horse would take him home while he slept.


Th3Fel0n

I grew up in the countryside in an Eastern European country, and while horses and carts aren't used as much around here as they were when I was little, I still remember my grandpa letting me "drive" the cart when I went with him and we were going back home because the horse just knew were to go and I wasn't actually steering it much


Umklopp

(He could probably also rely on the horse to ignore you.)


TheLyz

Oh trust me, the horse knows when it's heading home. I used to trail ride on a lazy jerk who needed to be urged over everything and took forever because he was so slow, but the second you turned him back to the barn suddenly you had to constantly hold him back so he didn't kill you in his rush.


_clash_recruit_

They definitely can. Back in my party days when I knew I'd be drinking I'd always ride a horse instead of driving to neighbor's houses. If you give a horse their head, they always go back to the barn.


allnaturalfigjam

Worked for Aragorn, if only we all had Braegos


Mront

> my car isn't going to panic and accelerate to top speed in a random direction Tesla Full Self-Driving (2022)


M0R3design

Horses are dumb and gullible. They put a lot of trust into the rider and will run into things or off a cliff when told to do so. When jumping obstacles the horses can see fuck-all once they’re close to the barrier and rely 100% on a correct demand of the rider. They’re literally running at break-leg speeds at an object that they don’t know if it’s solid or not. If you want true safe auto-pilot you need to get a donkey. They don’t mess around with danger, they’re basically the OSHA of the rideable animals and they know their rights. The reason donkeys are perceived as stubborn is because they refuse to do things that they perceive to be dangerous and they won’t budge. Reject horse, embrace donke. Literally, they’re lovely <3


TeamWaffleStomp

When I worked at my local shelter, we took in a donkey named Duchess with neglected feet and she was the sweetest thing on 4 legs. Absolute angel, smart, always recognized me and would yell at me when I got to work every morning. Donkeys are wonderful.


M0R3design

As a kid my family and I went on a lot of daytrips and short holidays in the near rural areas. A lot of pastures are open for the public to visit old shrines or because a trail crosses it. A lot of them have a lonely donkey on them and they’re the most chill animals I’ve ever seen. Their eyes make them seem really sad and lonely and I always felt bad for them, all alone on their pastures :( If I ever buy a ranch the first thing I’ll get is a donkey (and a pig)


whiskeyjack434

A mule is the way to go


worthrone11160606

Okay than I'll get a donkey


cybernet377

There are also those huge draft horses that don't spook even if you're driving through a quarry with active dynamite blasting, can manually navigate mountanous cliffs while pulling a carriage because they memorize a route after being guided through it once, and will kick like 90% of large predators to death in a heartbeat, who are way less likely to kill an asleep or unconcious passenger than self-driving cars will be for another couple decades.


I_Abhor_Ted

They might kick large predators but how about snakes? If red dead taught me anything it's that I can trample a full size gator, but snakes are too much lol.


cybernet377

I don't know for sure, but I wouldn't doubt it. Draft horses trained to pull a carriage are comically unstoppable when on the road. It was literally a plot point in Night At The Museum. That's why banks loved them so much until the armoured truck and electronic banking became a thing, because if someone jumped out in the middle of the road to try and rob a money-transport carriage, the draft horses would just *run straight through* the would-be highwayman, squishing him flat under the sheer force of four horses that each weighed more than most early cars did.


Flueknepper

Did you really just cite a point from a fantasy movie to bolster your point?


cybernet377

I was responding to a person who was using Red Dead Redemption game mechanics to bolster their point, none of us here are free from sin


Rakifiki

Draft horses also eat you out of house and home tho. Like. There is a reason we went to having cars.


I-WANT2SEE-CUTE-TITS

Considering the fuel prices we might be back on horses soon


Rakifiki

r/theydidthemath has done the numbers and even with fuel prices it's not worth it. Feed cost + vet bills + hooving + stabling + the extra hours a day required (cooling off, brushing down, takes significantly longer to get places).


Th3Fel0n

Yeah but horses are cool


Rakifiki

I mean absolutely but don't get a horse because they're "cheaper" xD


A-A-Ron1867

Economies of scale my friend. If everybody had a horse and stable, we would have infrastructure in place to make that affordable. Its expensive because its niche


Due-Consequence9579

What scales with horses is the amount of shit you have to deal with. Cleaning up all the shit in the road becomes a huge problem.


whiskeyjack434

Diapers like the put on carriage horses in the city would solve that right?


Due-Consequence9579

https://esc.rutgers.edu/fact_sheet/horses-and-manure/ > A 1000-pound horse will defecate from 4 to 13 times each day and produce 35 to 50 pounds of wet manure (feces plus urine) daily, or approximately 9.1 tons per year. It’s a ton of shit.


whiskeyjack434

Just need the hefty sized diapers is all. I'm kidding, I shoe horses, they shit an unbelievable amount. All the time. I can have a hind hoof on my lap working on and they'll just blast some turds right next to me. Ridiculous


Ironscaping

Your car might actually, Toyota had a spate of these due to software/hardware issues. It's called sudden unintended acceleration


NashvilleHotTenders

"cars would be better if they could bite" bitch do you know how fucking terrifying it would be to have 2700-3000 pounds or more of steel pissed off at you to the point where it wants to bite you?


Rare-Technology-4773

Cars 2


JustGingy95

Kerchew


Lukthar123

Carchow


Endlad

Kerchomp


action_lawyer_comics

What about just a nibble on the neck?


dichiejr

lightning mcqueen bout to gimme a hickie ☺️


HarryPottersElbows

Why would you write such a thing


dichiejr

hows he gonna know i'm dtf unless i write it somewhere? hes a sentient car hes not omniscient.


twi--

dtf better stand for Down To Fucking die bc i’m going to commit a murder /j


2000smallemo

Based


dale-the-orc

😩


IWriteThisForYou

I dunno man, but I wanna read the slash fic now


fitchbit

I have an uncle whose ear was bitten off by a horse.


Digger__Please

My uncle bit off a horses ear, so it all balances out


TeamWaffleStomp

We all have that one uncle


dale-the-orc

Uncle bill?


fitchbit

Idk what this references but I'm not making a joke lmao. Horses are scary af.


Bowler_300

r/carsfuckingdragons might become more than just drawings


TheArcticKiwi

never before in my life have i thought "god i wish i was that minivan"


TeamWaffleStomp

I hope you know that because you said THAT I had to scroll through maybe 10 minutes worth of dragon/car porn to know what the minivan was doing. I never found the minivan. Goddammit.


TheArcticKiwi

[i'm sorry](https://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ)


TeamWaffleStomp

Fool me twice, shame on me.


h616h

Trucks can fuck.


Normal_Kitty

🎵doodoo, do do do do do do🎵


YetiBettyFoufetti

[THIS BARBECUE COULD BRING YOU TO YOUR KNEES AND SO COULD THESE TWO TRUCKS](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WchseC9aKTU)


Acrobatic_Emphasis41

I hate you for this


SomeRandomGuy453

I can link you a lemon demon song about that- and godamn it, it's stuck in my head now.


Wutpomelo

Two trucks


Gongaloon

Having sex


Dervival

Does it make you involuntarily flex?


action_lawyer_comics

I like the tweet about if you buy truck nuts, you’re giving your trick gender reassignment surgery and it’s now a liberal.


Registered_bottom

but how many? that is the question


Ronnoc527

r/DragonsFu-


[deleted]

Please no, I do not wish to be horny any longer


Deltexterity

okay how about we drop the cars part then. r/dragonsfuckingdragons


Alderan922

Isn’t that just yiff?


Deltexterity

also like half of it is just toothless, it might as well just be called r/toothlessgonewild


Alderan922

Ok, I haven’t gone into the rabbit hole yet but I will believe you. Edit: (dragonhole)


Deltexterity

the question is, which dragon hole?


Strange_An0maly

Lol that sub is banned for some reason


Deltexterity

lol yeah


Rakifiki

If it's scaly creatures it's called scalies, a fact which I learned once and have been sadly unable to forget


DMTrious

Welp..... I discovered something new about myself tonight


JiouSws

Don't worry, everyone knows Dragons are hot deep down , so it's surprisingly accepted quite a bit. Compared to furries at least


ShoeIcy

and it’s alter ego; r/CarsFu-


RunInRunOn

I know Car Fu!


ignatzami

Horses are expensive, fragile, and evil.


[deleted]

No the horse is actually pretty cheap to buy. Taking care of the horse is what’s expensive


ignatzami

This is true.


[deleted]

And what you say is also true, as they are terrible people


ValanTem

of course they're terrible people, they're horses. unless they're centaurs, those guys aren't half bad.


[deleted]

I love your comment more than life itsef


TheWakeUpArtist

I see you.


Jake-the-Wolfie

Which part of them do you see, the human part or the horse part?


Lambsauc

Are we talking about the virgin myth ones or the chad centaurworld ones?


8696David

Just ask Bojack


enixthephoenix

I think they come with a luxury tax in the US as well, unless you use them as farm equipment


TheCastro

If you're using it for everyday transportation then it isn't a luxury


Luxalpa

But so is taking care of a car... Actually almost anything negative about horses could also be applied to cars.


The_Arthropod_Queen

then we made cars, which aren't fragile anymore


GIRose

And then we made them able to go faster than like 30 miles an hour, which made them fragile and way more dangerous


OneOfTheOnly

And then we made them even more expensive and dangerous!!! That’s modern engineering for ya


Brick_Fish

Cars after 10 years: R U S T


simjanes2k

We actually build them to be a specific kind of fragile which makes them safer to crash


ChackyBacky

and cars.. aren't?


hugogrant

Why do you think they're evil?


FormerLurker3

I’ve met some fucking mean horses. There’s one at the barn I take lessons at who used to bite me every time I’d try to tack him up. Ya just gotta lay down the law though. I wouldn’t call him evil though, just grumpy and maybe misunderstood. Oh, and lazy, that bastard is the laziest god damn nag I’ve ever ridden.


Combocore

Horses don't exist, stop peddling these conspiracy theories.


Apfelmus_gezuckert

Horses are not evil. If a horse does something "evil" it's always 100% the fault of a human. That applies to any animal, really


goofball_jones

I grew up around horses...though I wasn't actually _into_ them, as that was mainly my dad and my sister. I was the one that had to clean up after them. But they're not evil. They're just big, dumb animals.


Friendly-Hornet-2743

It should be noted that riding a horse while drunk will make you eligible to win a free ticket for DUI, plus all associated fines and court dates!


i_amnotunique

But what if I'm sober, and my horse is drunk?


JhagBolead

Then the horse gets the DUI, duh


EasterBurn

What if both of us are drunk?


Trashoftheliving

they both cancel out and you get sober


whiskeyjack434

Most states won't do that unless your pulling a carriage or something. I've ridden home tipsy and even chatted with the cops about it while on my mule.


Sutied

Cars do shit, you just don’t pick it up. When was the last time horse manure caused global warming?


Alderan922

Well cow manure is causing global warming, imagine if everyone in USA had 1 or more horses, and now if everyone everywhere had 1 or more horses


bitb00m

Horses produce a lot less methane than cows do.


Alderan922

Maybe we should be eating horses then


bitb00m

Or just eat meatless options, I had an Impossible meat the other day and it was really good.


Alderan922

But I like meat


bitb00m

Well there are a lot of meat like things out now but if you've tried them and they aren't quite what you like then ur just gonna have to wait for the lab grown meat cause that will be a lot more similar to the meat you are used to right now.


Alderan922

Well I just hope I can get it here in Mexico and it does not cost like 500 dollars a single meat patty, meanwhile I can keep surviving in chicken


bitb00m

Chicken is one of the most sustainable meats out there. If ur worried about the environmental impact of your meat consumption, chicken is not a bad choice especially on a budget,


Alderan922

I would like a source for this to use in future arguments, but so far I just eat it because it’s tasty and it’s only 5 bucks


FractalAsshole

I will be eating meat forever. My life is too short to worry about changing my lifestyle to reduce the equivalent of a corporation's pollution by .00000000001%.


bitb00m

https://images.app.goo.gl/DgDCJoSmghf8VyYk7 This is my favorite graphic to visualize the impact of different sources of protein. You can make a pretty big impact be eating less beef actually. It really is significant even if you just eat it less, you don't even have to cut it out of your diet. If just half the times you were considering beef you chose chicken or pork you would make a pretty big difference.


FractalAsshole

This is something I can agree with! I largely eat chicken and turkey more than beef anyway since it's healthier.


Dank4Days

just because "consumer responsibility" has been crammed down our throats so companies can wash their hands of it doesn't mean personal responsibility doesn't exist.


FractalAsshole

I'm not going to litter but I am going to keep eating tons and tons of meat. People preaching to folk to eat vegetarian is so silly imo. Someone who is a vegetarian is no better or more responsible than someone who eats meat everyday.


Bigbootybrownbitch

>Someone who is a vegetarian is no better or more responsible than someone who eats meat everyday [This is you right now! ](https://twitter.com/dril/status/473265809079693312?t=PuDCQbjPqUVV4-zfWD8-fQ&s=19)


Dank4Days

if you want to put your own taste buds over the well being of hundreds of animals no one can stop you. don't pretend like it doesn't make you shitty and selfish though, own it.


yxlmal

No you wont bro, meat will run out in 30-50 years


CowCluckLated

Lab grown meat should come out soon. No emissions and less resources.


KillingMoaiThaym

The real cow methane problem comes from their breath actually, when they do the loud breath thing (idk the word in english, eructo is in spanish. Burp out loud in english maybe?


Alderan922

Burp is the word


RevolutionaryRabbit

And not just the horse itself, but all the land that have to be cleared to grow food for them. Whole planet would be one big feed crop farm.


Wild_Goddess

Interesting fact - cows are worse on grass than horses. Horses clip the grass with their teeth, so it grows back quickly. Cows rip the whole plant up.


TheOtherSarah

And sheep, in turn, do more of that than cows. In theory though if you don’t put too many on the land they don’t need to go that far.


Diogenes-Disciple

Maybe we just didn’t have enough horses back then, but it’s worth the experiment


Talon827

Two trucks


Jedinate6

Having sex


TheGreatNemoNobody

Two trucks!


Umklopp

This whole post was an absolute trainwreck


HonoraryMancunian

The second and third commenters are being weirdly aggressive in an attempt to be internet-cool


TyphoidLarry

I think the kids call it a maymay


CantaloupePerfect417

that's what i thought


Shanghai-on-the-Sea

yeah it's sad


abeautifuldayoutside

TWO TRUCKS HAVIN’ SE-


The_Arthropod_Queen

say it with me: CAR BAD TRAIN GOOD


ThrowCarp

This but unironically.


beathelas

They put blinders on horses. Horses trampled people all the time.


Alderan922

That was only on chariots, but when you rode one usually you did not put blinders


Jedinate6

Whenever I read this post, my first thought is always “TWO TRUCKS-“ for obvious reasons.


DemonFromtheNorthSea

If it was cold enough, horses would you give you more pucks for road hockey. Don't see cars doing that.


Peachthumbs

Taxi/bus was the new horse.


_Veni_Vidi_Veni_

A bus combines the best of both worlds


Obamsphere

The university I want to get into is relatively far away from my house, however the path to it consists mostly of narrow streets without a lot of cars so I'm currently saving money to buy a horse and ride it to uni, since it's a lot cheaper than a car and public transport isn't an option.


amaranth1977

...where do you live?


Call_0031684919054

The streets in cities like New York and London were covered in thick layer of shit when horses were the only mode of transportation. Yeah let’s go back to that.


peejr

Why are people so angry at this thought


balrus-balrogwalrus

horses are simultaneously the most durable and fragile animal at the same time they can run long distances and pull heavy loads and have amazing speed and stamina, but if they so much as trip on a fence or get gas buildup in their stomach they straight up just die


Royal-Ninja

/r/fuckcars


JP_Rapture

Horses don’t have automatic collision avoidance anyway. Much like people, just because they have eyes, it does not mean they are looking at where they are going


Upset-Marionberry118

You complete moron, you stupid fucking idiot


fakeplasticdroid

Would be cool if cars could jump over obstacles without needing a ramp.


SantaArriata

Not for long we won’t


simon_C

Trains can bring me home when I'm drunk too.


yahwol

what massive fucking assholes to get so worked up over what show thoughts posted lmao


[deleted]

Why are the comments so hostile? Getting around on horses would be way better than every dickhead owning a car. Good way to weed out abusive degens as well.


Deltexterity

not legal horses on the road though


droppedyourcutlery

wouldn’t it be cool if two trucks could have sex?


darth_asterisk

>it would be cool if cars could fuck [oh boy do I have a song for you](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WchseC9aKTU)


Mazzaroppi

I also recommended the movie [Titane](https://youtu.be/Q5_w2W5G9OM)


NuclearWalrusNetwork

This is like the South Park episode Where George R R Martin refuses to drive a car and exclusively rides horses because they have dicks


amscraylane

I used to live in Eastern Iowa and every so often some Amish boys would come into town. One night they got so wasted, they were helped to the buggy and it was untied, gave the horse the go ahead … the came in two weeks later and we were laughing about how they have a chauffeur because the horse knows the way home.


Gr1mm3r

Don't forget honses also run on biofuel and can process it to eco-friendly residue.


SkandiCane

Ok, but horses were slower and less fatal than most modern cars. And eco-friendly


SharksEatMeat

You guys have horses!?


Upstairs-Teacher-764

I'm not getting a horse anytime soon, but they would have to bite like a bear trap to do anything like a car will do to you.


AnErrorHasOccured_

TWO TRUCKS HAVING SEX, TWO TRUCKS HAVING SEX


I-WANT2SEE-CUTE-TITS

At least I can turn car's self driving off. No way to do it with horse.


kiwi_klutz

I believe horses dying in cities was a really big problem.


goofball_jones

Wow...they _really_ went over the edge in their rage. WTF?


motivation_bender

Cars defending themselves against robbers is dope. A trained horse will respond to commands, but one that bonded with you might straight up refuse to let others ride it. Good luck stealing a fucking horse if it refuses to cooperate


FingerButWhole

Isn't tarmac roads bad for horse hooves


Mach12gamer

If I walk behind my car I don’t have to worry about it deciding to hit my off switch.


[deleted]

cars do bite, piss and shit. It's just that their bites are often lethal and their piss and shit isn't biodegradable and destroys the atmosphere


[deleted]

Horses were just as horrific. Ride a bike or get on public transport. Sheesh.