T O P

My ex girlfriend is pregnant, and wants me back. (25M, 22F)

My ex girlfriend is pregnant, and wants me back. (25M, 22F)

R_Amods

This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- My ex and I broke up a few months ago. We haven't been in touch much tbh. I met someone who I can only describe as my soul-mate. She's kind and funny. Not that my ex isn't a good person. We mainly broke up due to religious reasons. She knew I was an atheist, she's a super Christian. I think she thought she could convert me. Anyway, she called me not to long ago. Saying she is pregnant. She showed me the evidence. I was her first bf. She didn't date anyone after me. It's almost certain that's my child. She says she won't pressure her religion on me anymore. That she wants her child to have a father in there life. Honestly I grew up without a father. I always felt something was missing. I have a responsibility to my child. I am hesitant to break up with current gf...


QuitaQuites

Why do you have to break up with your current GF to be in your child’s life?


SoCalThrowAway7

Yeah OP should just be seeing how gf feels about him having a kid and give her an out which sucks, but either way he shouldn’t be getting back together with ex, just figuring out how to coparent.


Flaky_Tip

He should also get a paternity test because it wouldn't be the first time a woman lied about who she slept with.


AveenaLandon

> He should also get a paternity test because it wouldn't be the first time a woman lied about who she slept with. OP there are three possibilities here and two of them are bad. 1. It is your child 2. It might be someone else’s child. Maybe a ONS and now she wants you to be in her life to pay for the child. 3. There’s no child. She wants you guys to get back together and she now has gone off her birth control. So, once you guys get back together the chances are high that she’ll get pregnant again. What a surprise! OP, you won’t be the first person who got baby-trapped.


SoCalThrowAway7

Well yeah that step is a given. I just mean in the case that it is confirmed to be his child obviously


[deleted]

"Joseph, I'm still a virgin. It must be God's child."


Mindshattered

"OK, but then why did 3 random men show up with presents for you and the baby?"


Perless_cucumber

I see the dawn of a new religion


OpinionBearSF

> "OK, but then why did 3 random men show up with presents for you and the baby?" "Probably some MLM they were shilling for? The "free" gifts are how they hook you."


GuardianSlayer

Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis The Wise? I thought not. It’s not a story the Jedi would tell you. It’s a Sith legend. Darth Plagueis was a Dark Lord of the Sith, so powerful and so wise he could use the Force to influence the midichlorians to create life… He had such a knowledge of the dark side that he could even keep the ones he cared about from dying. The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural. He became so powerful… the only thing he was afraid of was losing his power, which eventually, of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught his apprentice everything he knew, then his apprentice killed him in his sleep. Ironic. He could save others from death, but not himself.


Jamster_1988

I'd want to see the positive pregnancy test as well.


willgo-waggins

This times a million! She’s obviously not that “Christian” if she was fucking you before marriage. I have a bunch of family that is hardcore right wing (fake) Christians and none of the kids had sex before marriage - including my now 26 yo nephew (he’s close to and honest with my sin so I know this is true stuff). The girl is likely either 1) lying about even being pregnant or 2) lying about it being yours just to get you back. Also she is lying about something else. She IS imposing her religion on you if you have not had a conversation about the possibility of abortion (if she is actually pregnant).


Older_But_Wiser

**That's very unfair and untrue.** There are millions of people who have a total belief in god but don't believe in abstinence before marriage. Likewise there are very religious people who believe in pro-choice, vaccines, science, medicine, drinking alcohol, dancing, dating, driving cars, evolution, turning on the lights on the sabbath, and a multitude of other things that certain religious sects don't approve of. Just because one doesn't belong to a religious sect that prohibits premarital sex doesn't mean one isn't religious. Likewise just because one is anti-abortion doesn't mean that they are religious. There are many atheists and agnostic people who none the less feel abortion is bad.


theworldisnotquiet

Yeah my parents and their friends were all raised as devout Catholics and several of them moved in/had sex before marriage.


WorldAsChaos

Why is it likely she's lying about being pregnant or him being the father? Pregnancy is quite commonplace for people having sex. You seem pretty salty about women in general in your comments. Kinda rich coming from a man who knocked up a 17 yo when he was 22.


sdrichmond

Don't you mean he was baby trapped by a 17 year old. /s.


willgo-waggins

This is the route to take. First of all if the one you are with is truly your “soul mate” and that is mutual, she deserves the love and respect of being allowed to make her own choice for her own life. That’s just being a good human there man! And it’s showing your feelings truly as well. Second let me tell you some of my tale. I am a 51 yo single dad. My first wife (GF at the time) became pregnant with my oldest when we were 22 & 17. I was 23 when my now 27 yo was born. I allowed her mother and mine to finally pressure us into marriage a year and a half later. It lasted exactly that long. I NEVER wanted to be with her, I just wanted to raise my daughter and I didn’t know that I could do that without being with her mother. I was too young to understand that this was not a difficult thing to integrate into your life. Over the years (I’m shortening this a LOT) I have had three more children by two other women who I was married to (o e adopted and two natural). I have had full custody of my middle two since they were 11 & 5 (mother was a terrible alcoholic who actually died from it at age 40) and split 50/50 on the youngest. Everyone is just fine. I spent a LOT of years as a single dad and quite honestly from both my and my children’s POV they have been the beet for all of us. I have had relationships throughout this time and they have integrated just fine. My point is that not only do you not have to give yourself and your principles up because of a child, you should absolutely not do so or your child will never be able to learn and grow from YOU.


Spare-Librarian2220

Dude... My wife and I basically raise my son from a prior relationship. I was stupid and signed away most of my rights to appease the ex, yet we still have 50/50 visitation. My kid keeps talking about how much he wants to come live with us, and he'll get to make that decision when he's twelve, maybe sooner. if it is indeed your kid, DON'T WALK OUT ON THEM.


QuitaQuites

This is what I’m saying. I’m not sure why OP, and a lot of men, think they have to give away any sort of rights, you don’t. Even if she says she doesn’t want you in her life unless you’re single, you stick around, you ask about the baby and her pregnancy and when she has the baby, you get a paternity test and a lawyer. And if she’s cool with how things are now, great! You talk to your current gf and explain you’re having a child and will be in that child’s life and even have 50/50 custody.


willgo-waggins

I have NEVER had less than equal 50% rights and in the case of my middle two, full custody and she wasn’t even allowed to visit due to alcohol/drug issues.


QuitaQuites

Good. There’s no reason to have less.


Fyrefly1981

Definitely should not walk out on the kid if the kid is indeed his. You can be involved and co-parenting can work well. You don't have to break up with current GF. Just make sure you keep her appraised of the situation.


onetwoskeedoo

Exactly.


angel_heart69

Super religious Christians believe that any child born out of wedlock is a bastard. Therefore she probably has plans to marry OP. And anyway why are we believing that he is the only person she's slept with. Boyfriend or not you can still have sex.


QuitaQuites

I’m not believing anything and don’t really care what she thinks. That doesn’t mean OP has to marry or be with her in order to be in his child’s life if that’s his child. That’s why there are paternity tests and lawyers and family courts. If OP wants to be a full time father, once the baby is born he filed for 50/50 custody based on what she’s said to him and a paternity test is done and that’s it.


LittleRedCarnation

Websters dictionary also says that a kid born of two parents who arent married to each other is a bastard. Bible people and royalty are the only ones who give a damn about that though.


willgo-waggins

She ain’t all that religious if she was takin the D from OP. Just saying’ 🤷🏻‍♂️!


Older_But_Wiser

Maybe your religion believes premarital sex is prohibited, but there are many religions, and many Christian sects, that have no such belief. I'm not Christian and not religious but I don't see how premarital sex means someone can't believe in their religion.


lahclaire

I am a Christian and I have had sex before marriage. That doesn’t make me an awful person or any less of a Christian. For me, it’s more about having a relationship with God than following all the rules of Christianity. A big part of me believes that so many of the “rules” of Christianity were created by man to take control of the people. While, God gave us free will for a reason. My whole family is Christian and we all think this way except for my traditional parents who even still have always supported us with our own beliefs. I grew up thinking that if I had sex or even just moved in with someone before marriage it was an awful sin. Then, when I became old enough to form my own opinions, I realized that people are creating more and more rules that are designed to shame people and make them feel awful. God is loving. He does not shame people for their sins... hence why he sent Jesus to die for them. Whatever “sins” I do don’t make me any less of a Christian or a “bad Christian”.


2-718

My situation exactly. I have a gf soon to be wife and I meet her while this other girl I dated was pregnant with my son.


king102938

While I second your comment, I think what OP wants to know is if he should leave his current gf so that his child can grow up with a normal family where the child has both parents who still love each other and not divorced or split up. I think that’s the dilemma OP is facing


JimHimJim

A thousand times this.


jcdoe

Exactly. You don’t need to be in a romantic relationship with the mother to be in one with the child. You and the mother broke up for a reason and that didn’t change when she got pregnant. Do a paternity test ASAP because you don’t even know its your child yet. Then you need to sit down with your ex and have some adult conversations. Is she carrying this to term? If so, what will your custodial relationship be like? How will child support be handled? How will you two parent the child?


Poop_Noodl3

My vote is small town


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jordantask

Yes. Seconded. Get a paternity test before you even talk about anything else.


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MeatloafMa

You are a very smart man to stand up to her intimidation tactics. If she was sure the baby was yours, she'd have had zero problem getting the paternity test.


Chrimpsy

You can be a good father without being in a relationship with the child's mother. Just let her know that your relationship ended for a reason, that you've found someone else you truly want to be with, but that you will step up and be a good father and want to have a civil relationship with her so you can co-parent effectively.


Positive_Mango_2783

Exactly this. And also be responsible and tell your current gf asap. Don’t wait. Let her make this decision to stay as well.


Notheone_you_think

This you don't need to be married or in a relationship to be a good father, and she probably want to get married for her religion .


Rosieapples

Seems her religion didn’t stop her from having sex outside the sanctity of holy matrimony and all that!


RChromePiano

This is the neat part about religion. You get to choose which parts you want to follow and which parts you don't.


BacoBoozeday

You also get to make laws forcing other people to follow the parts you like! It's win-win really.


Rosieapples

And look at all the damage it does. If they actually FOLLOWED the teachings of Christ it would make more sense. The Catholic Church is a case in point.


Notheone_you_think

Yes, i have friends that marry super quick because their girlfriend don't use and son't belive in contraceptives and dummy men don't use , and then shame there self so bad that the "best" option is marry.


willgo-waggins

This right here. She did it once. It’s much easier after that.


[deleted]

It doesn't sound like she's even asked him to get back together or break up with his girlfriend. It sounds more like the OP is catastrophising.


TheyCallMeHotWheels

This. This. So much this.


Truezor007

This answer right here


will_munch_carpet

I dunno... I'd be devastated if I didn't live with my kids full-time. I have full custody, and frankly I don't know how my ex-wife deals with that, even though she sees them a lot. I'd go off the fucking deep end.


Chrimpsy

Sounds like you've already made your decision then. It's clearly the wrong one but if you insist on breaking up with your soulmate to be in a relationship with someone you don't want, no one can stop you.


will_munch_carpet

Huh? I'm not OP, and I'm not breaking up with anybody. Also: there's no such thing as your soulmate. Don't let Disney movies get inside your head.


mrningbrd

People can believe whatever, saying soulmate isn’t bothering you specifically, it has nothing to do with you. Let OP have his soulmate, I think it’s sweet.


Chrimpsy

I assumed you were OP, but in terms of the soulmate comment I was simply using the language he used.


kittens12345

Why did you assume? It tells you if someone is the op or not


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i_am_not_you_or_me

18 years? That's optimistic. Kids are lifelong and even just as dependents they can stay around longer than 18.


DisastrousBobcat5

If OP is in the US, unless you come from a wealthy family or have a really good head start, most kids aren’t even in a financially stable enough situation to move out until their late 20s or early 30s. A college education in this country doesn’t even guarantee a job right after graduation, plenty of people are stuck working other jobs outside their degree for years.


darkstarsxx

I know your head is probably swimming and you're feeling panicked. First and foremost - you have time. You have options. You need to take a fucking breath dude. Don't make any rash decisions. Confirm the pregnancy with a blood test at the docs and confirm with the doctor about doing a paternity test. Because you've been broken up, and are even considering changing your life again.... Do this. Do NOT believe her when she says she won't pressure you about religion. Her religion states she needs a family and so she's trying to put it together. Even if she doesn't pressure YOU - raising your alleged child will be difficult. She will want to raise them with religion. Dedications, baptisms, going to church etc. Then the resentment for YOU not being part of it will build. Evaluate what has she truly changed or realized in this aspect besides finding out she's pregnant. How has that brought her further from her God? I question your ability to process rational thought right now. You're able to be in a child's life without being with the mother if / when you establish paternity. You can actively participate and be a wonderful father while role modelling that staying for the kids and being miserable is not healthy. Also, as for your soulmate, I would if you haven't discussed this with her. Maybe she's not down for this situation - which STILL doesn't mean go back to your ex. Or maybe it will be the best thing to happen to you both.


RousingRabble

> Do NOT believe her when she says she won't pressure you about religion. Her religion states she needs a family and so she's trying to put it together. If your second sentence turns out to be true, then she is already forcing her religion upon him.


darkstarsxx

I suppose it's a generalization but I am assuming that *most* religions function around purity culture bs. I've always enjoyed the saying show me a Christian and I'll show you a hypocrite. I think you're right she is inadvertently forcing it on him. No good.


Rosieapples

She sounds like what I would call a pseudoChristian. They wield the religion like a weapon to control others while cherry picking the bits that suit or don’t suit them.


[deleted]

"I'm still a virgin if it wasn't vaginal"


SenselessNoise

Poophole Loophole


learninglots8

Or she genuinely loves and misses him?


kittens12345

She wouldn’t have tried to force something on him if she truly loved him


TheMightySephiroth

She wouldn't have said she's preggers then. The baby is CLEARLY a guilt tactic.


fatboy-slim

I have an excellent dad who never lived with us growing up. I was 1 y/o when my parents divorced and it never even bothered me. 🤷🏻‍♂️


usrnme___

You can be a good dad without being in a relationship with the mother of your child. Co-Parenting isn’t hard she’s just most likely protecting her image in their church if she is pushing you to get back wd her.


Notheone_you_think

She wants to get married for sure, i had seen this history already with Christian girls.


SevsMumma21217

How far along is she claiming to be? You've been broken up a few months and she's just now telling you that she's pregnant... It's suspicious. You need a paternity test. That can be done while she is pregnant. It's a simple blood test that can be done as early as 10 weeks. All of that said, if this is your child, you should step up. And by step up, I mean go to court and petition for joint custody and figure out a child support arrangement. You don't need to be with this woman in order to be a good father. You don't have to tie yourself completely to a woman who is not a good fit for in order for you to be a good father. She says she won't force her religion on you but that exactly what she's trying to do. If you marry this woman --because that's what she wants, so she can "erase" her "sin"-- both of you will end up miserable. And so will the child.


CronusTheDestoyer

Prenatal paternity test before any conversation


_DRmAYHEM_

Paternity test.


8_bit_brandon

Dude, I was in the exact same situation as you are a few years ago. Get a dna test, cuz surprise, the child wasn’t mine. I stayed with her for 4 years but ultimately it didn’t work out. Crazy how identical you current predicament is to mine


YaBruhAhmed

Underrated comment


Prestigious-Check-23

You can be a good father without being in a relationship with the mother.


abarua01

Get a paternity test


themediumchunk

“It’s almost certainly my child.” This made me cringe so hard. Your first thought should have been confirming the pregnancy and then getting a prenatal DNA test. This is not something you play around with, this is not something you assume. You say you’ve been broken up a couple months and she’s just now telling you. Why? Does the timeline add up? Even if it does, you *still* get a test and make sure that she knows that is something that is non-negotiable.


Kovu9181

She’s super Christian but she’s pregnant prior to wedlock? Ohoho we love a cherry picker. You have a responsibility to the child if it’s yours, yes. Please find out when her due date is and check if the dates match up, just to be on the safe side. You have no responsibility to get back with her - just discuss it with your current partner and be supportive of your ex through pregnancy. As supportive as any future father would be - you’re supporting her so the baby is safe and happy and co-parenting doesn’t have to be difficult unless one party makes it difficult so try be as civil as possible.


yacht-suxx

You don't understand, all the rules? They only apply to the sinners and heathens. It's different for me, I was in unfortunate circumstances which the rules weren't made for. And also, it's all a test from god in which I'm proving my devotion to him by doing the right thing.


fr0otl0ops

Be a good father to the kid, but that doesn’t mean you have to get back together with her. You can co-parent and be there for her during pregnancy,


physiomom

Let your current gf know so she can make a decision about whether she wants to be a step mom. Then start working on a coparenting plan with your ex. You can be a wonderful dad. ETA: seconding what others are saying re: paternity test.


Jane_the_Quene

Just FYI, you can get a paternity test before the baby is born, using a small sample of blood from the mother and the potential father. Totally non-harmful to the baby. You also don't have to break up with your current girlfriend in order to be a father to your child. Many people co-parent without being in a romatic relationship. This doesn't have to be an either-or situation. I'm also wondering if your ex thinks that if you marry her, you'll magically start believing in God? If her religious faith is that important to her, it seems that she won't be satisfied being with a non-believer, and there will be trouble down the road.


Realistic-Airport775

You broke up because you were not compatible, you still are not. Do not make any rash decisions based on pressure. A relationship based on a baby is not necessarily the best one for either of you. Growing up with a father interested in you, who is involved in your life is much better than one that resents you or doesn't want to be around your mother as you felt forced into it. Get a test, check paternity, get legal advice. And should later on you find you are compatible and have a great relationship as well as have a child together say in 2 years when you really know that you want to be together is better than trying to force it for the sake of a child having both parents living under the same roof.


[deleted]

If you broke up a few months ago why is she just now telling you that she is pregnant? I would be super careful with this. She is most likely pregnant with someone else's baby. If her family is very religious as well they will expect the dad(I doubt this is you) to marry her. She probably already asked the baby's dad he said no and doesn't want anything to do with her or the baby, so she is going to use you. Please, please before anything ask for a paternity test and then go from there. DO NOT go by her words!


Eponarose

Before you do *ANYTHING*, get a DNA test on that baby. See a lawyer NOW so she can't write your name on th4e birth certificate without your permission. She SAYS she didn't sleep with anyone else, but that doesn't mean she didn't. ​ Most likely, she's jealous of your new GF.


rust48

LOL, no she said she didn't "date" anyone else. As if that's required to get pregnant, lol.


Sweaty-Demand-5345

You guys broke up months ago and she is only calling you now ? Yeah first things first is a paternity test.


PastaHunter420

Super Christian? Pregnant? Not married? Let me get my clues together for a moment here….let’s see…one sec…ok. She’s a Convenient Christian who is either not truly pregnant, or is lying to you in order to get you back. I’m a not believer like you, bro. Take her to a doctor and get it confirmed. If she’s pregnant, you can still be an awesome dad but not be married to her. Good luck OP


emccm

This doesn’t read like Christian behavior to me. Ask for a paternity test then contact an attorney and set out your custody etc. it’s best to have this done legally to avoid any issues down the road. I would let your current girlfriend know what is happening. I wouldn’t want to be with a man in this situation and she certainly deserves to know the man she’s with got another women pregnant. It doesn’t sound like there was much time between your relationships. As a woman this is a flag to me.


klaire-m

I’m also a woman and there’s nothing wrong with not having extended time between relationships. He identified the problem with the relationship, knew it wasn’t something he wanted, ended it, and found someone that made him happy. Why are you shaming him for finding something that makes him happy? He doesn’t have to be single for X amount of time before he’s allowed to be happy again. Do you realize how stupid that sounds? Your aren’t allowed to place your own timeline beliefs onto someone else anymore than the ex with her religion. Adults are entirely capable of determining what is best for them, and for all we know, he told his current gf that he recently ended a relationship.


Ghostygrilll

Thank you, I happened to meet the love of my life just three months after leaving my abusive ex. We are head over heels for each other, it’s hurtful to imply we couldn’t, shouldn’t, and can’t love each other due to an unfortunate timeline and to say it’s a “red flag”. We started slow and worked our asses off to be where we are and to have such a loving and understanding relationship.


tofarr

I didn't read the original comment as shaming anybody - The relationship is still new, and people want different things - his life may have just changed, and some people don't want kids (or don't want to be in a relationship with somebody who has kids). Whatever way you frame it that is a lot of drama, and not everybody wants that I their life. The new GF has a right to know. I can understand being reticent to tell her as it may end things, but the sooner he does the better.


willgo-waggins

Of course she has the right to know. I don’t ever hide the fact that I have kids from anyone. And ironically enough (and including the current person who does not want any kids if her own) it has yet to ever be an issue.


NeroAldren20

DNA test just to be safe. Tell your current gf that you want to be with her and that thus might make things complicated but that your father abandoned you and you won't do the same. Tell current gf that you would like for her to be a part of the child's life. Make it clear she is the one you want to be with. Tell her any questions she has you will answer no matter what 100% honestly. Tell her if she feels like this is too much you understand but it would be a shame if you guys didn't even try. Then deal with ex-gf make it clear you will be a great father. You will be there for the child but you aren't getting back together. Make it clear you found someone that is more aligned with your values. Make it clear anything she needs to will be there. Tell the ex-gf she will be respectful to your gf. No snide comments, no talking behind her back. Make it clear as long as she acts like a "Good Christian" we can make this work. Also, if your gf decides to stay you need to potentially set up a meeting between them. The mother of your child needs to feel some comfort around a potential person. It's going to be tricky. You need to draw where all the lines are. Be an adult and remove all emotions from potential arguments. Set up appointments for the ex and make sure your gf has all the detail. Doctor, Location, etc. If you are wondering if someone ever went through this before... Look at Tom Brady.


Fadedf0rever

There's nothing wrong with coparenting. You can still be a present and wonderful dad. I think you need to talk to your current gf about this. Who knows if she would even want to stick around to go through it. Even if you choose to coparent, that doesn't guarantee she would want to be a step mom. When I got with my current partner, his ex was pregnant. He was not the father and we've been together happily for years now. As much as I love him, if it had turned out to be his child, I may not be here right now. I didn't want that situation. You never know, your partner could end up being supportive. Your child could have more than just two loving parents. Whatever happens, it doesn't mean you have to go back to the ex to be a good father.


Asok_the_Intern

A super Christian who had pre marital sex...ok


kikivee612

You don’t need to break up with your current girlfriend. You can be a father to your child and not be with the mother. You should get a paternity test first and if it’s your child, do your part. That doesn’t mean you have to leave your current girlfriend. If she’s your soulmate, you should be honest and tell her what’s going on.


Babycheeks80

Super Christin but engages in pre-marital sex? Btw, get a test done to confirm if the child is actually yours before making any decisions.


Plane_Assist4601

You said that she is very religious but she had sex with you. This doesn´t make sense to me.


kevin_r13

Regardless of how much you think she can or cannot lie about the situation, get a DNA test. A few months apart plus going through the emotions of a break up plus being a super Christian who is OK with sex, means there's ample opportunity for her to have had sex with other people.


Poppinguplikedaisies

Hi, just also wanted to add a quick note... If you really love your new gf make sure you're honest and open with her about everything and give her loads of reassurance. She must be feeling insecure and worried about how your lives are gonna change right now.


Mysterious_Horror705

You can be a father to your child without being involved romantically with their mother.


chrisn_221

How did she get pregnant? Did you stick your dick inside her without a condom? Imagine going back to her only to be contacted later by your 2nd girfriend and told she is also pregnant. CONDOMS.


Decorum1

Start with a DNA test. Don't be foolish here. You can still be involved with your daughter whether you get with the mom or not. Don't wait to long to tell your girlfriend about the situation. Just tell her the truth and how you feel. You don't have to make a decision either way yet. Get her input first.


HeroORDevil8

Get a paternity test when the time comes and you do not have to leave your current gf to be an active parent, if she holds the relationship with your child for ransom, court is really the only solution. Also she is still pushing her religion on you if she expects you to get back with her just because she's pregnant.


katsarvau101

Absolutely get a paternity test, and do not sign a birth certificate until you do so- or you risk paying child support for another man’s spawn. However, I admire your desire to be there for the child. And by all means, do so if it is biologically yours.


Woodford82

Talk to your current gf now don’t wait and spring this on her. Get a Paternity test and if your baby arrange custody agreement through a lawyer. You can keep your current gf (assuming she is ok with situation) AND be a good father. Good luck


bookreaderstan

Um have neither of you heard of co parenting? You don’t need to be with someone because you have a child together..... what is this the 50s?


Average_Amy

You can be a father to your potential child (get a paternity test) while still not being with her. The child wouldn't grow up without their father, you would be present. Another potentially traumatizing thing along with growing up without a parent, is growing up with parents who have nothing to do with each other. It is a bad situation too, don't think you are giving the child what they need by forcing yourself into a relationship you don't want, it's quite the opposite. It does mo one a favor and will only cause more hurt and issues down the line.


elleecee

First off, a paternity test is a must! She may not have dated anybody, but you can get pregnant without being in a relationship. Second, a baby is NOT a reason to be in a relationship. It is better for a child to see two parents who are happy with others than miserable together. Their parents relationship(s) is going to be what they grow up thinking a relationship should be. You want that to be a healthy example. My boyfriend has a 2 year with his ex-wife. He tried everything to make that marriage work, but in the end he was just making himself miserable. We met after the divorce. I believe he is my soul-mate and he thinks the same of me. He continuously tells me that he's never been happier in a relationship and I am the love of his life. If you love your current girlfriend and think she could be your sould mate, don't give her up.


artifikh

First of all, you should've used a condom or made sure she was on birth control. If a girl/guy says they're a devout christian but havr sex before marriage, it's a red flag. As a christian guy I need you to know christian girls can be schemey. Make sure you get a paternity test and an attorney to deal with any backhanded methods she'll try to use to lock you down. I don't know the full details of the evidence she brought to the table but until you have concrete proof, question everything she says. Let your GF know about this and respect how she feels about the situation as it's not an easy one to deal with. Go in peace.


WeeklyConversation8

Birth control can and does fail. I know three women who got pregnant while on birth control. Nothing is 100% except abstinence.


artifikh

This isn't about whether or not birth control is effective, it's about taking measures to insure you don't end up in a situation like this one, where you don't have to raise a child who you never wanted/planned to have, with a person you don't want to be or deal with. For Pete's sake, every guy knows that if your pull out game is weak, you take measures to make sure your future won't be bleak.


WeeklyConversation8

It is. Pull out and pray doesn't work. So many babies were conceived that way. Two forms of birth control are best. Condoms and either the pill, shot, foam, film, etc. Also why is a super Christian woman having premarital sex? Sounds like she's only Christian when it suits her.


artifikh

Read my comment carefully. I never focused on one solution, I stated you make sure to take any and all precautions to ensure you don't screw yourself over. You're focusing way too much on the specifics and ignoring everything else I'm saying.


WeeklyConversation8

You said make sure you use condoms and that she's on birth control. I was stating facts about birth control. So many people don't realize that it's not 100% reliable and that a woman can still get pregnant. There are some medications that make the pill ineffective. I also said pull out and pray doesn't work. If a couple are having sex, even if they are using protection, they need to know there's still a possibility she can get pregnant. So many people assume that no birth control was used when a woman gets pregnant. These are facts that should be taught to teens prior to ever having sex, but for some reason it isn't. I don't know why you have a problem with me stating facts about birth control. We have teens thar read this sub.


[deleted]

Ok first of all. Wtf how long did you wait between girlfriends. Secondly. This sucks. Tell you new gf, she’ll be mad and hurt. If you want to be with her still let her know that and deal with the drama that comes with that. All you can do now is be a great dad


olivedi

Stick with your current GF and be father. You don’t have to be in relationship with the baby’s mother, especially if it didn’t work out the first time. Also make sure you’re 100% that’s your baby.


Shanashy

>It's almost certain that's my child No it isn't. Demand a paternity test, and only co-parent or pay child supprt if it is your kid. There's no need to break up with your current girlfriend.


socialjusticecleric7

Yikes. See if you can work out an amicable shared-custody arrangement. (I'd be suggesting that if you were single, btw -- generally when people break up, getting back together doesn't go well.) A kid having their father in their life is a big deal, but being *together* isn't the only way you can be in the kid's life.


brilliantcheese

First of all, as others have said, paternity test asap because this sounds fishy as hell. Secondly, it is actually worse for a child to have parents who are together and unhappy than to have happy parents who aren’t together. If you broke up already, then there was a reason for it and you most likely will not be happy if you go back. And your ex’s promise not to push religion is most likely not one they will keep. She’ll start using the kid as a reason (they need to be baptized, she wants them to go to church so you should too, and on and on). Don’t lose out on this great partner you have now. You can be in the child’s life without being with the mother.


dirty_d_and_the_icks

All she did was call to say she was pregnant? That's fishy. No test pic, no baby doc Appointment? Kind of sounds like a set up to me. You need to tell your current gf what's happening so she's not in the dark. Then you need to confirm that your ex is actually pregnant; go to a doc appointment with her. Anyone can screenshot an ultrasound or pregnancy test. If she is actually pregnant, paternity test. People can say whatever they want and claim its true, its why hearsay gets dismissed in court. You need the proof. Also don't go back to this chic. You can be a good dad without being with her.


mike_wazowskis_ass

If you know for sure you got her pregnant, you need to support her if she chooses to keep it and support her if she chooses to have an abortion for whatever reason. Pregnancy results from two people. However you do not need to break up with your current girlfriend. You will have to have a conversation with her about it and it will be awkward, but you don’t have to leave her.


theSirPoo

Get a paternity test. If it is your child, stay in your happy relationship, and be the best father you can be to your child. But first things first, get a paternity test.


StaceysMomPlus2more

First off all. You can BUY proof on the internet. So there’s that. Secondly, you two didn’t work out for a reason. And I can wholeheartedly tell you, that every single guy friend of mine, that has stayed with a woman for the soul purpose of “I got her pregnant, let’s play house” is fucking miserable. You are not compatible. So there’s no means to go back. If she is pregnant get a test. If it’s yours coparent. But seriously, you need to first verify that she is (in person) and two do a prenatal paternity test.


Smiley-Canadian

1. Get a paternity test and two different locations. It’s possible to do before the baby is born. 2. Do NOT marry someone only because they are pregnant. It will be a horrible, loveless marriage and it will create a terrible environment for your possible child. 3. Stay with your current partner. Your happiness matters too. 4. Be honest with your partner that you want to be a father if the child is yours, but not get back together with your ex. 5. Set clear boundaries with your ex that if the child is yours, you want to be a father but not have a romantic relationship with her. 6. Get a lawyer if the paternity test says you’re the father.


Ciufo04

paternity test first Second talk with current GF about things * don't break up with anyone to be a father, that is not how that works.


Fraughty12

Paternity test! NOW! Don’t be that guy who raised a child for 18 years went it wasn’t even yours in the first place.


Stomach_Junior

I saw a lot of episodes in a show called Paternity court where the woman was saying that she did not sleep with anyone else but the guy was not the father


Puppet007

You don’t have to have a relationship with the mother just to have one with your child, you can co-parent AND still be with your current gf.


sensema88

If you are not married you have no rights to the child until you establish legally establish paternity and go through family court. Fyi.


Ally-05

Dont break up with your current gf. You can still date someone else and still be a good father. And also I'm not saying your ex is lying but how long ago did u guys break up and how many month pregnant is she ? Well basically u can still be a great dad and still be happy with someone else. U got this bro bro


Abc123dorayme321

You can still be a strong father figure without being in a relationship with the mother Also, get a DNA test to be sure


sportsphotographer84

You know there is such a thing as coparenting without being in a relationship with your ex. You don't have to break up with your current girlfriend unless she doesn't want to date someone who has a kid if it's yours. Although just to be certain, have a paternity test done first and if the baby is yours then step up and be a good father. Don't just take her word for it.


thedilemathrowaway

You can be a father and be a part of your child’s life without leaving your current girlfriend. It’s so common and you shouldn’t have to give up your happiness because of your ex girlfriend


SirSteve1968

PROVE the baby is yours, first, and then be a Dad, go to appts. with her, take the baby half time, etc. You can Coparent without being a couple...


alcormsu

In the modern world, you can totally be a father without being romantically involved with your baby mama. Stay with soulmate GF. raise the kid.


Worry_Wart_0685

I hate to say this as a woman but I feel she is using this pregnancy to get you back. Do not break up with your current girlfriend but do let her know what is going on. Respect whatever your current girlfriend decides. Get that paternity test when you can but tell your ex that if it is yours that all you'll be is a co-parent, not a romantic or sexual partner! Your ex is being manipulative and that is a big red flag to not get involved with her. She might be religious but it was her choice to have sex out of marriage and there for she'll have to deal with the consequences. I've seen women try to keep men by getting pregnant, try not to fall into this trap. I hope you also can not resent the child for the actions of the mother. Best of luck to you in this tricky weird situation.


OwlsIsBetterThanMans

Don't sacrifice your own happiness just to be in your (maybe) child's life. Once the paternity test is done, stay with your soulmate. That kind of love doesn't come around very often.


LittleRedCarnation

If shes “super Christian” what was she doing having premarital sex? Demand a paternity test and tell your gf whats going on. You dont need to dump your girl or marry your ex to be in the kids life if youre the father. Millions of people coparent with ex’s every day.


frauleinsteve

She's never going to stop pressuring you to accept her religion. And now she's got hooks in you with this kid. She may be super nice, but religion does weird things to people and makes them rationalize doing things normal people would not do. You sure this is your kid? You need a paternity test regardless. you have not been in her life in MONTHS. You do not know if she grew desperate and got impregnated to get you back. Please be careful.


Bloo-shadow

You don’t have to be with her to be in your child’s life.


Phthalo_Bleu

get a test. stay with your gf. and wear a damn condom.


FunctionEntire1829

I would get a paternity test, then commit to the child and THEN check if your GF is on board and accepting It's all about priorities.


AKA_June_Monroe

To a lawyer ASAP! You can be a good father if the (baby is yours) without breaking up with your gf. Being in a relationship with some just for the kid is a horrible idea.


loveallmyrolls

Tell your current girlfriend whats going on and request a paternity test for the child. If it's yours, you can always co-parent and NOT date your ex. You dont have to date the other parent in the family just to raise a child. You can raise a child without being in a relationship.


Henfrid

Step 1: get paternity test. She could very easily be lying about not seeing anyone after the breakup. Step 2: you're happy, dont leave the relationship. Your kid will be happier with 2 sets of parents that get along instead of one set of parents that hate each other. It 100% ends up in a toxic environment if a child is the only thing keeping a couple together. Coparenting is a far better option.


Marco_didnt

First confirm the pregnancy, if she is pregnant let her know you’ll be there to help throughout the pregnancy as a co-parent and not as a bf. Secondly tell her you’ll need a paternity test to prove that the child should also be your responsibility. Lastly have a serious conversation with your current gf about your situation. The sooner the better as this can be a deal breaker to many.


Inevitable-Shopping

As far as I'm concerned, you can be a father to your kid without having to leave your current blissful relationship


trevzorz

YOUR EX SAYING YOU HAVE TO BREAK UP WITH YOUR GF TO BE WITH HER IS STILL PUSHING HER VIEWS ONTO YOU. You can be a great father to your child without being with their mother. You can get partial custody of your child and co-parent with your ex. You can still find your own partner, have other children, and keep your first born as an integral part of your life and your family. Your ex is manipulating you into the life she wanted to force you into from the get-go. A traditional family structure on HER terms that meets the standards of HER religion. Any time she implies to two NEED to be together to raise this child it is because she is thinking of HERSELF and not your child.


ixid

Your ex is going to revert on the religious angle, it will be an insurmountable barrier.


JuanGracia

Before anything please take a paternity test No matter how much you trust your ex, how good of a girls she is, how religious she may be, TAKE A PATERNITY TEST FIRST!!!!


Ceoolsson

you can be a good dad AND remain with your current GF


Adept_Push3172

She wants the baby to have a father in his/her life that doesn’t mean you have to dump your current gf just to make that happen especially if you’re happy now.


HisokaJOJO

OHHHHHH condoms boys condoms....you are in absolute shit position, it's either your offspring or your gf. Choose wisely.


JcTheSavior

There is an option for both, if the gf is comfortable with him having a kid


Buford1991

Didn’t read past the title. The answer is (sing it like you’re in church): “Fuck No!”


waqasw

become a muslim. convert your current gf. marry her. marry your old gf too. upgrade your old gf to islam. problem solved. tell your old gf that your current gf is also pregnant. Let's see what she says. Or just tell your old gf you are willing to be a father to the child if dna test is good. But you can't be there for her...yet, or at all.


TheIncredulousMom

I was super Christian when I met my husband who is Atheist. I ended up becoming an Atheist as well after a few years. It was really hard to except I had been lied to my whole life that ng beliefs were simply no more than a form of control. My husband never pushed'l, it was never brought up. We never tried to force our beliefs on each other. I was so sheltered I didn't even know what an Atheist was when he told me he was one, I hid in the bathroom and googled it. Through the years after I had more and more questions and ended up where I am in my beliefs now. She needs to be respectful of your beliefs.. her relationship with god is just that hers and that is all she should be concerned about. Also get a paternity test, some of those Christian girls get it more than escorts trust me.


willgo-waggins

Great post!


Salty_0506

any thoughts on getting an abortion...maybe :( i know this sounds harsh but have a convo about it with her


will_munch_carpet

Congratulations.


gotnoh8

That girl's behavior is very suspicious. Somehow pregnant months after you broke up but didn't bang anyone else? Very manipulative. Don't tell your current girl, she doesn't need to know


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dragondude101

As others stated you can still be a dad to the child without being with the mom. That also said, does your current girlfriend even want to remain dating you, because you just threw a bomb at her as well. It's personally dump you, because that is easy to much drama for a relationship that is so new.


CheapChallenge

Have a good coparenting relationship. You guys broke up for a reason. That reason will still be there. She will still try to pressure you or resent you.


2Chiang

Very sus if you ask me. Get a paternity test. If your ex is refusing,, that means it's not your child. If she's still refusing, get the courts to order one from an impartial party.


cagedjaybird

You can actively be in your child's life without being in a relationship with your ex-girlfriend. I would advise you to get a paternity test though just to be sure, but I also wouldn't break up with your current girlfriend who you say you're incredibly happy with.


sosa373

Dude you can co parent and be their for your kid with out getting in a relationship with the mom. Especially if your happy with another woman….. you’ll see how it’s self sabotaging later on. Don’t loose your soulmate listening to a desperate person. No reason for you to get in relationship with someone you don’t want.


TDallstars

You can have a relationship with your child without being in one with their mother.


[deleted]

There is no reason that being involved with this child means you have to break up with your girlfriend. If your ex is saying that as a Christian she needs to be married before the baby is born, then take her to court and force split custody. If your girlfriend is saying that it's her or your child, then dump her. And for god's sake get a DNA test before you do anything else.


married2020

Do not ruin things with your current girlfriend until you get a paternity test. Make sure the kid is actually yours. You can be involved without being in the relationship. Sounds like you two weren’t a good match and now your really happy with someone else. Don’t give up happiness to be a unhappy father, stay happy and work out a custody plan later if the child is yours. If she withholds the child then take her to court and get a court order custody plan. Be prepared to pay child support now, because if you don’t get back with her I’m sure she will take you to court for that.


lizraeh

get paternity test. first you dont have to break up to co parent if it is you child which i may not be she could be baby traping you. but if it is you dont need to break up with current gf.


Ok_Association_2917

You can be in the childs life even if you are co parenting, just talk to your current GF, also she will not impose her religion HAHAHAHAHAHA, dude been there dated that, its total gorgon S$#t, also a child is not a therapy for relationship issues.


SummerNo7

Get a paternity test. She could have had sex with anyone during the time you guys were off and suddlendly it's your baby... Yeah, just no, that girls wants to make you responsible for another persons baby and for her mistakes. Just don't say yes (or sign) and wait for a paternity test (from a reliable laboratory AND that hands you the test result TO YOU, so she can't manipulate that too)


sailor_bat_90

Get a paternity test and talk to a lawyer. You are allowed to have a relationship with your child if it is your child. You don't need to break up with your current gf but do let her know of the situation. She needs to know so she can also make her own choices. Don't be a dumb ass and go obeying your ex, lawyer up, get a paternity test. It doesn't matter if she is religious. In my experience: they are the biggest liars around.


15458434

1. Get a paternity test done. You’re not the first to sign up as father for a child that’s not yours. So have that checked first. 2. She needs someone to help with that child. It’s something she can do alone. At this moment you’re her best option. Since you still love her. Keep your head straight and don’t let your desire for her be used to fool you. 3. You have a girlfriend of your own and ex left you for a reason. I’d say stay in your current relationship. If the child is yours (that paternity test thing I wrote about) get the whole money and responsibility thing sorted out. Through the local legal system. Preferably without going to court.


coatrack68

Well, now you’re kinda fucked. You are now tied to this person for the rest of your life. She’s probably going to raise your kid the way she was raised. You will still need to be part of her life if you want to be a part of your kids life. All this is assuming your new gf will be ok with this. Good luck.


Anna_S_1608

Just because you are not a couple doesn't mean you can't take responsibility and be in your child's life. People do it all the time, it's called shared custody


DataVSLore007

Why do you have to break up with your girlfriend? You don't have to date your ex for you to be in the child's life.


wino_whynot

And FFS, post an update here!!!


jackjackj8ck

Get a paternity test, get a lawyer. Figure out your rights so you can be in the child’s life. Don’t force a romantic relationship with a person you don’t actually want to be with, it’ll never work out, and is that what you want your child to learn from you and emulate in their relationships?


Threash78

So be in your child's life, why does that have to mean getting back with your ex?


neutralgood079

You better get a paternity test BEFORE the child comes. Don’t make a decision until then. Once the test comes back, talk to your gf. Being a dad doesn’t mean dating your ex. Those two things are not exclusive


EndKarensNOW

Demand a test. Without that dont give her a penny. Ether way I wouldn't get back with her you broke up for a reason. But if it is your kid, if, be there for the kid. But dont hurt your life by getting with her


HarryPotter205

Do not break up with your current girlfriend. You can be a father to your child and be with your current girlfriend. I can understand her religious beliefs that she must be married to the father of her child but that is not how it always goes. You can still be a father and be with the girl you love. Also get a paternity test. If she tried to convert you to Christianity then it’s very likely she will try to manipulate you into believing that this is your child and that you need to break up with your current girlfriend. Which you do not have to do.


M0CHlLA

Dude... calm down. Paternity test first of all.


Haunt_chick13

You dont need to break up with your girlfriend. You dont need to go back to your ex. Request a DNA test, its possible that shes trying to trick you into coming back. She might have hooked up with someone else and is trying to say its yours. If it isn't yours you have no obligation to help. If it is yours then you can still be an active and good father without being with the mother. Explain the situation to your current girlfriend and let her know "I made a mistake, the child is mine. I want to help raise it since I didnt have a father growing up and I want to be there for mine. But i love you and want to make things work with you. I hope you feel the same and we can still be together". If my boyfriend/husband said something like that to me, I feel like I would respect him more for trying to do the right thing.


RedditTemp06

Paternity test first


Minute-Tale7444

DNA test-after you have her take a pregnancy test in front of you. Are you even 100% that she’s pregnant in reality & not just making up a story & then will have a “miscarriage” later if you get back together? Something is fishy about this, so I agree-DNA test to confirm it’s your baby & there’s no reason to have to break up w your current gf as long as she’s ok with the potential of you having a child.


Cherryapplefox

I too can purchase pregnancy sticks that will show positive even if I'm not pregnant... she's trying to get you to "do the right thing" and marry her. It's been a while it may not be your child "if" she's even pregnant. She needs to pin this kid on someone ....


Korakorax1

get a paternity test! just because she didn’t date anyone after u, it doesn’t mean she hasn’t had sex