T O P

My (34f) husband (35m) always disappear on weekends and won't talk about it

My (34f) husband (35m) always disappear on weekends and won't talk about it

R_Amods

This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- I've been married to my husband for 4 years, also we have had a daughter together. For the last few months my husband has been going somewhere on the weekends, when this started he would answer my calls, but if I asked him any questions about where he is/what he is doing, he would just say "I don't know". My husband usually leaves late on Friday or early on Saturday, he usually comes back late on Sunday or early on Monday. Everything else in our relationship other than this was perfectly normal. In the past few weeks my husband hasn't been answering my phone's calls or texts when he goes where ever he goes. When he came home I asked him why he wasn't answering my texts and calls, he said "I don't know". I just want to know how I can get my husband to talk about this


Icy_Comfortable53

That's a really disturbing storyline. How would he not see your texts or calls.


dion_o

I don't know


hehehexd13

listen here, you little shit


asetrella

Damn you. r/angryupvote


Jefe454

I fucking died and it's all your fault, good job


bananicula

I forgor 💀


LavaPoppyJax

Ha, the fact that you act like everything is normal otherwise is the weirdest part of this. You could just not be there when he shows back up. Thatxwould be normal.


flyingokapis

Same thoughts, how can everything be normal Mon-Fri when you surely must be doing your nut all week asking where the fuck he was? OP must be so laid back that this has been going on months and hasnt demanded to know where hes going. Also, I assume he works Mon-Fri so I'm going to throw it out there; shit husband/parent taking off from his family each weekend.


pokemonprofessor121

And change the locks...


livingmylifeway

I don’t know why you key doesn’t work


microbarbie

Love this


ChicBrit

What on earth? How has this been going on for months? You have a kid together, he can’t just go AWOL every weekend. When he says to you “I don’t know” what do you say back to him? I can’t imagine letting this go on for a single weekend let alone months. Totally agree with the other comments saying to get a PI on him, but I also can’t imagine not raising hell until he tells me himself. Maybe you are scared of knowing the truth? But hun, you have to know - this isn’t how married partners behave.


ShimmeringNothing

"Where are you right now?" "I don't know." "What are you doing?" "I don't know." How can the conversation just end there??


lynnutella

“Why doesn’t my key work anymore?” “I don’t know.”


rvidxrz

LMAOOOO LIKE


myohmymiketyson

Some people are so avoidant of conflict in their relationships. He says he doesn't know (avoidant) and she's like "okay" (avoidant) and this has been going on for *months*. There are so many possibilities from secret family to affair to drugs to avoiding responsibilities to hating his wife to a part-time job, but nothing we say here can make him talk. She just needs to put it all on the line and be prepared to walk away. Fuck, snoop. A disappearing husband is as good a reason as any. Just do something. Edited-


frotc914

"well clearly we need to see a neurologist then because your brain is shitting the bed"


panlevap

Plot twist, he disappears with a metal box of olives: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/otlvev/aita_for_cleaning_out_the_fridge_without_telling/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf Today Reddit is full of husbands acting suspicious and wives underreacting.


AlmightyAcey

That was a wild ride of a thread. I ***NEED*** to know what's in the box!


freeeeels

I feel like we aren't going to get an update. Wasn't there a guy a while back who would disappear into the bathroom with a stick of butter, come out without the butter, and refuse to elaborate? Feel like we didn't get an update to that one either.


panlevap

Unfortunately there WAS an update. I don’t know if the update was genuine or fake, but basically it said the husband was shoving the whole butter in his butt.


Ok-Cheetah-9125

That was honestly my first thought for what he was doing with the butter.


CatHairConfetti

Well, olives *are* basically biodegradable anal beads.


SaltyPeppermint101

Thank you for making me laugh.


Jo_Peri

Why would anyone do this... 😧


mzm316

Please link


panlevap

I doubt l could find it, l have just the vague memory of reading it not long after the original post. Why l remember it: because it was kind of disappointing. Half of the comments were saying he was shoving it in his rectum. And the update was just like this. At that point l was hoping for something unexpected…


Sypsy

I think it's this: https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/hh3y0z/tifu\_by\_confronting\_my\_boyfriend\_who\_kept/


AlmightyAcey

So many unanswered questions.


CatastrophicFlailer

That story turned out to be fake, but holy hell was it hilarious.


measure400

*extremely Brad Pitt voice* WHATS IN THA BOXXXXX


mdunkel08

This thread gave me a very Seven vibe..."WHAT'S IN THE BOX?!?!?" Also, seriously, what's in the freaking box?! How do you not look in the box?! What is going on here?!


AlmightyAcey

I want it to be true but part of me wonders if it’s a troll post. Because what normal human being wouldn’t look?!


Haunting-East

Pretty sure it’s methadone. It has to be kept in the fridge. And that’s all fine, if he’s working on his chemical dependency and taking steps towards no longer using heroin. The big issue is idk how he thought he could lie to his wife about it.


Arcades

[What's in the box?](https://imgur.com/a/hQ8bMJM)


K3stal

She has still not opened the box... the curiosity is killing me and I'm not even involved!


SnooPeppers1641

That was my thought too! hahaha


caharm0418

Why did you do this to me today? I didn't know that I needed to know what was in the box until now.


gettingLIT_erary

You know what I’m bothered by? That if this post is real, how much you refuse to value yourself and your own worth in order to accept this behavior and treatment from your partner. This sub is super sad today and full of OPs with low levels of self-worth. You see people in this sub who say “it’s ridiculous to always suggest people leave their partners” but what is truly ridiculous to me is how often I see (mostly) women compromising their feelings, their values, and their own time to accommodate a partner who would never go to the same lengths to accommodate them. OP, please know this is not normal or okay and it’s time for an ultimatum that you have to be willing to follow through on.


gi_28

Thank you. Why are women always expected to stay and work it out?? But he can leave whenever he feels like it. He can shut down and shut her out. What happens when he decides to leave them permanently??? Do you think he's gonna say "Oh wait, I'm married. Maybe I should work things out"? This relationship is beyond repair because he doesn't want to fix it! His behavior and refusal to communicate while dismissing his wife is mentally and emotionally abusive. PERIOD. She has asked questions, he refuses to engage in conversation. You cannot force someone to talk! She has to do what is best for her and her daughter. Her DAUGHTER is the priority, not him. She has to set an example for her. Laying down and letting a man walk all over you is not something I want my daughter to learn. Stand up for yourself. You don't need this shit. So many women leave their husbands and end up being just fine. And just to be clear, NO ONE SAID ANYTHING ABOUT LEAVING BEING EASY. However, you do not have to stay in a toxic environment just because it's familiar.


wigglebuttbiscuits

Yup. And the people who say it’s ridiculous to suggest people leave their partners are usually full of extremely bright suggestions the OP can’t possibly have thought of such as ‘you need to sit down and talk about this’.


ChairmanGonzalo

I think people can overreact with these types of subs telling people to leave. I feel like a relationship problem has to have gotten pretty far in order for people to turn to Reddit for help


maggiemoo86

RIGHT? This is how I feel anytime mentions the divorce rate. Yeah, you know what? Both my grandmothers would have divorced their abusive husbands had the law been more favorable back then. The time is well past for anyone to put up with this kind of crap.


foursheetstothewind

This constantly blows me away. My wife wouldn't put up with a fraction of the things wives write into this sub about. If I just disappeared for a few days there would be no peace in the house until I gave a satisfactory explanation with preferably some proof. I I just lazed around playing videogames for 10 hours a day, she would not stand for it. If she found a tinder profile not once, but multiple times she wouldn't be bought off with some half-assed excuse. I don't understand why some people are so scared of being alone they will let their partners walk all over them instead of standing up for themselves.


Necessary_Coyote_927

I just can agree this isn’t normal. Are you very depend on him? Is there a possibility for you to secure a job before you start to figure out the truth? Is he spending a lot of money on this weekends? Or could you follow him on one of weekend and leave your daughter with your mom?


cottagelifeliving

Fuck the PI you don't need money to see what's going on! Leave him because someone who loves you and treats you with respect Doesnt do that


cottagelifeliving

Why do people think they need to stay in relationships just because they've been in them for a long time? If someone says they want to know where they are and they try to talk about it and they still won't tell them, what are you waiting for? I don't get it? You want proof ? The proofs in your gut. You don't need to leave someone only if there's proof they're doing something wrong. You can leave someone because you don't feel respected and happy in the relationship anymore. THAT IS ALL YOU NEED. This concept of "proof" with PIs isn't always right. The woman needs to do think about how she feels and how she's been treated. THAT IS ALL my friends.


pokemonprofessor121

Right? Replace the locks and then don't answer his calls & texts for a few days!


rembrandtismyhomeboy

If he asks why he can’t get into the house, answer with ‘I don’t know’.


TheRedditornator

Let me break it down for you: 97% chance he has a second partner/family he sees on weekends, and he tells them he works and sleeps at work Mon-Friday. 1% chance he's a drug dealer. 1% chance he's a serial killer. 1% chance he's a gay male stripper. It's one of the few unexpected situations where your partner moonlighting as a gay male stripper is the best option.


9562GangGang

Not even that. There’s a lot more possibilities. You just have to be more observant. He could’ve formed an addiction to gambling or drinking or something and uses his weekend “to escape”. No justifiable reason nonetheless. I would say getting a loved one involved to help see where he’s going. But I do suggest getting your personal situation taken care of just for worse case scenario. Meaning learn to financially provide for you and your daughter. Be okay with the fact that you guys may have to move on. Prepare for the worst but pray for the best!


w57je5476w5sjh

Come now, drug dealing doesn't take up your whole weekend, but drug using might. Stripping doesn't either, unless he's cross dressing. And he doesn't need to be gay to get a rise out of stripping for other guys, just an exhibitionist.


braised_diaper_shit

>Come now, drug dealing doesn't take up your whole weekend As someone with several friends who are dealers, this isn't true at all. The weekends are where you make 90% of your money. And drug users need service very late at night.


throwrahousearrest

drug dealing certainly can take a whole weekend.


SavageComic

Women can enjoy male strippers too!


RawPeanut99

I concur.


MelodramaticMouse

Or, and hear me out, I once saw this on a sitcom: he got a secret weekend job in the next town over so he could buy her something nice for their anniversary. Hey, it could happen :)


lilmissmartypants

Yeah, I like this response too. And usually my thing to jump to positive outcomes as well, unfortunately not likely😞


MelodramaticMouse

Definitely not likely!


Wonderful_Big_2936

Overboard?


Lennylove1993

Huh?!?! “I don’t know” Girl you better strap some boots on and handle this nonsense! “I don’t know” ?!?!?! Unacceptable 1000000%


seekeroftruth2020

Sounds like an affair. And he can't even be bothered to come up with a cover story, which might mean he wants you to figure it out.


bliiiiib

Or drugs


spugzcat

Or he’s a serial killer


MediumPassenger9572

"Why is there blood on your clothes?" "I dont know"


seekeroftruth2020

*gulp*


ManzBearzPigzIzRealz

This can’t be real.


zyh0

No replies is a dead giveaway, its like a half-assed story


xvszero

This is absolutely not acceptable. It's 99.9999% likely cheating, but if it's somehow not, it's probably drugs or crime or something. Or he hates being a father and decided to just... not be sometimes. Don't put up with this bullshit for a second longer.


thisprettyplant

I’d check the bank statements, might be gambling at casinos. Or you can see if he’s using his credit cards at hotels. Hopefully OP is able to view their bank statements. If she can’t that’s a red flag already


honeymochie

Like I seriously hope it is not the worst case scenario. This type of behaviours is absolutely unacceptable.


Turms70

He also could be in prision for the weekend. It depens where Op is living. But i know that in Germany he also could go for the weekend in prision. We have that kind of punishment for example for drug crimes, and you get it, if you have a job and a stable family. Our staate do not want break that stablising elements.


MissMaryFraser

Surely those people wouldn't have access to their phone, as OP's husband did initially?


Turms70

No contact to outside. No phone. And the crimes are not the real bad ones. Serios enough to go to prison, but not realy bad. Drugs, bluecolar crimes or.. bar fight... etc..


ohdearitsrichardiii

Shouldn't you be a liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittle more stealthy about cheating or drugs though? I wonder if it's something he's embarrassed about, like he's illiterate and finally learning to read. Or he's a furry


decaffdiva

Why be stealthy. She's already shown she will accept this behavior after the first time so why put any effort in to being stelthy?


alienabductionfan

Right. The first time he disappeared all weekend and had no explanation should’ve been the last time but OP gave him the world’s biggest, blankest hall pass. He chose well for himself.


LifeIsNeverSimple

Yup I think OPs husband is either the dumbest cheater in reddit history or he's doing drugs or something else illegal. Hell even then he should be able to think of SOMETHING as an excuse.


DocHickory

Oh, come on now, he's not the dumbest cheater in reddit history. How can you belittle the stupidity of some true masters of idiocy? Give credit where credit is due!


ohdearitsrichardiii

Fingers crossed there will be an update soon


LifeIsNeverSimple

Next time on Jerry Springer: Husband cheated on wife with his male drug dealer to pay for his addiction, wife finally confronts him but still somehow unsure what to do!


IdlyBrowsing

I mean, he should be a little stealthy but seeing as OP is letting him waltz back in every Monday, he doesn't need to be.


starkrest

Exactly. The dude has probably been getting away with things like this for years, he probably doesn’t think he needs a good excuse as he’ll just be let back hone each time no consequences. If my partner did this even once we’d be having a chat about it lol


charliethefocks

Its WAaaaayyy beyond disrespectful. ​ I can't believe she puts up with it. I would be livid if my wife pulled that. Its one thing to say, Im visiting So-n-So and should be back on Tuesday. It's another to thumb your nose at someone and drive away.


equilateral_pupper

He could be a secret agent on a top secret mission


Hermiona1

Whatever it is, its something so serious that he wont admit what is he doing. So he knows what hes doing is wrong.


Dwirthy

This must be a shit post.


thisprettyplant

I hate that that is always a possibility in this freaking subreddit. Makes me not want to reply to anyone.


zemorah

What can you even reply to a post like this without sounding like an asshole? This is just sad if true. Also, I just read an AITA where someone’s homeless friend was house sitting and she painted, redecorated, drilled holes in the cabinets, threw random shit all over the yard, killed the plants, and created an ant infestation. The OP wants to know if they’re TA for being upset. 🙄 So many shitposts and just stories that make me question why someone bothered posting.


SquirrelLuvsChipmunk

Lol! I had to unsubscribe to AITA for that very reason. The shit posts are out of control. RA is starting to become the same way


SaltyCrabbo

You’ve tolerated this why exactly? This is far from normal in any relationship


financiallysoundcat

He's likely cheating. And he clearly thinks you're an idiot.


SS144000

Wtf. Hire a private investigator. That should confirm your suspicions


bluebell435

At this point, it doesn't matter what he's doing. If my husband disappeared on weekends, I wouldn't care why. He could be volunteering at a homeless shelter or teaching little league. That wouldn't matter. It's game over.


electric-sushi

Yeah exactly. Last time a post like this came up it turned out he was taking night classes and was embarrassed to tell her….but in the unlikely event this is something like that it’s still unacceptable behavior.


ToxicApexLegend

It’s the fact that he is saying “I don’t know”.. now either there is another side to the story that the wife ain’t saying or he’s just an asshole


Ms_Panda

Yeah the “I don’t know” really gets to me. He doesn’t even respect OP enough to try to put in effort into his answers. My ex did this to me all the time, it drove me nuts. “How’s the weather outside?” “I don’t know” “You have a window in front of you... can you just look outside?” “I don’t know” I wish I was exaggerating.


ha_look_at_that_nerd

If you think *that’s* bad, sometimes when my dad doesn’t know the answer to a question (and doesn’t want to figure it out) he just *won’t answer.* And he gets a little annoyed when you ask him again (even though he didn’t answer…) so he definitely heard me the first time. I love my dad, but that drives me nuts. Luckily he hasn’t done that much lately.


Ms_Panda

Oh my ex did that too! Haha. Literally what you described would happen with my ex, to a tee. He thought that just giving silence was enough of an answer. And he had the nerve to actually get annoyed when I did the same as you and repeated the question or asked “did you hear me?” So stupid. I’m sorry that you have to deal with that still.


Hestiaxx

I would want to know for the divorce case I'd be actively building against him.


[deleted]

Why waste your money. Who cares what he’s doing. The fact that he’s behaving like this and shutting you out is so far across the divorce line the details are irrelevant.


james_b989

I agree 100%


Gaspa79

Depending on the place OP lives, evidence of adultery may be better for you when you file for divorce. EDIT: a word


SINGHISKING211084

Even roommates dont pull this kind of stuff on each other and you guys are married, ffs!


Disastrous_Ad_8561

he has another family. When he leaves again change the locks. When he comes banging 3 days later tell him when he gives the truth you give the key.


nightcrawleratnight

Wouldn't it be great if someone else posted. "my husband only comes home on weekends"?


dekecs

yeah, 3 day from 7 days of the week. thats like he is away 40% of the time.


Icy_Comfortable53

Why doesn't he answer your question about where's he's been?


dion_o

I don't know.


Maru3792648

My dad used to do this while cheating. His unacceptable behavior set a terrible example for me and my brothers. **YOUR DAUGHTER IS WATCHING THIS.** Please have some self respect and end thisTHIS weekend.


AeBS1978

Exactly! My ex did this toward the end of our marriage. It set a bad example for our kids, my son is still struggling with relationships and what is and is not appropriate. I let it go on a little too long. One of my biggest regrets, and a lot of wasted time.


Seaside_Holly

Wow. Hmmm, it sounds like he has a different relationship going on. What kind is up to you to find out. It could be a lot of things, but cheating is the first guess. I’m sorry about what you’re going through. Don’t let it slide. It’s clearly not something he is supposed to be doing or wants to hide, so letting him get away with “I don’t know” is not acceptable!


oldclam

Private eye, GPS tracker for his car, GPS tracker on his phone. The car tracker is probably cheapest and easiest. I am so so curious how this happens. He just peaces out, says "I don't know", to any questions, and you just go living your life like nothing happened? This is very very strange. Have you never confronted him? Never looked at his bank accounts or credit card statements? Is he hemorrhaging money? Have you gotten tested for STIs? Pls update us if you find out OP


datderthrowaway13

Some people are that willing to turn a blind eye to retain "happiness" I'd say cya cheater. At least have some goddamn dignity OP


MMBN67

yeah op could get an apple air tag and place it somewhere in his vehicle like in the seat or something and everytime he is near it and it gets ahold of a iPhone Bluetooth or something it will ping and she can track him and it would probably cost less than a private investigator and one evening she can leave before he does and go to the usual place and stake it out.


wigglebuttbiscuits

Well...he’s most likely either cheating on you, using drugs, or doing something similarly unsavory. So you could follow him or hire a PI or just tell him you’re going to file for divorce if he keeps pulling this shit.


Cilantroduction

A member of my former in-laws family was married to a man who had a second family, and second wife, even though he was married to my SIL and had 3 kids w her. He disappeared on weekends and most major holidays. Like, 25 years later, everyone learned the truth.Someone from his worked made a phone call to my SIL. They gave names, addresses, pics. Raw, indesputable proof that he had been leading a double life. He had a second long term affair/family situation. He was always out "camping. Hunting. Motorcycle riding. Fishing." On Christmases, Thanksgivings, Easters, and almost any holiday. He was just not present. When he did show up, he clearly didnt want to be there and the vibe I always caught off him was defensive contempt. Idk. This is not normal behaviour for your husband to be engaging in, especially the vague and evasive language. I don't know. I think you need a PI, and, you need to get your legal documents birth certs, bank acccount info, retirement account info., deed copies if applicable, car and home insurance. Who is the car titled to? Who pays mortgage? Where is your baby's borth cert., immun. Records?, SS card. Etc. PROTECT. YOURSELF AND YOUR CHILD. Get copiesof everything and get a small strong box for this, cash, YOUR things of value, passport, etc. Start squirreling away cash. Get an individual bank account. Get a burner phone with minutes for emergency. Fond put whether or not your car is titled to you so that if you leave w your child, he cannot say you stole his car. Get grocery store gift cards every time you go shopping for your household and you stash those away for when you need groceries in future. You consult w every Family Law attorney within 10 miles of you. You get that free consult. Let them open a file. You take THEIR info. Get your own files on each atrorney and office. Your potentially adversarial future ex spouse cannot use ANY of those attorneys because of conflict of interest. I have been around the block and brrn through the nastiest, shittiest and most toxic divorce from an abusive narcissist. He pressed fake charges on me. Slashed tires. Denied me my car because the bastard had it titled to him.behind my back. (He was in the car dealership business). Just protect ypurself and your child. Create an exit strategy if you need one, and be safe. Good luck.


An_Asexual_Weeb

Cheating, some sort of crime, secret family, cult, addiction of some kind, gambling, club/sport that he’s embarrassed about, etc. I hope there will be an update because this is wild.


DullWinter

Time to get a PI


Eponarose

Can you track his phone location? If you knew *where* he was going, it might give a hint about *what* he is doing. But I agree about hiring a PI


RagdollSeeker

Look, we all know he is cheating. More than that, he has a double life. Dont be surprised when he comes up with a baby. The important thing is what you will do about it. If you think you are in a bad place, keep silent and hire a private investigator to collect legal evidence. Take your time and make financial preparations, know your rights. You do not want to be wake up one day and get thrown off to the streets to make room for that double life. Make sure you have ample evidence. If you are in a good place, still collect tracks but you can confront him earlier.


notevenapro

Search court records for your county. Sounds like weekend reporting to jail.


Belraj

So, he replies "I don't know". And then what? What's the next thing that you say or do? I don't want to be abrasive, but I just can't picture that conversation. I leave on Friday, don't reply to my wife's calls or texts, damn, police would be looking for me on Saturday. Casually stroll back in on Sunday, saying "I don't know" like some doofus, that's either admittance to the psych ward or a divorce. We've been together for 16 years, but that's some unacceptable shit right there. I'm sorry.


re_gina0119

WHAT??? How was this not a spaz out issue the first weekend he decided to just take off and go mia?? I'm curious to know what he could possibly say to make this appropriate behavior from a husband and father. I know the reddit default mode is red flag emojis and advice to leave your spouse, but girl...you might want to actually do that. I wouldn't even keep feeding a cat who treated me this way, you go get food at your new home now, biscuit.


SirNibsAlot6

Imagine if this guy was just playing mini golf or standing in a park all day


MMBN67

honestly I have thought about that myself sometimes. just do what I want for a bit and go crazy and forget life's struggles every now and then.


throwAWDorian

What the fuck? "I don't know"? He sounds like he's so used to getting his way with you to the point where he couldn't even bother with a well scripted lie. Ask him exactly where and why he's going. Give him an ultimatum. That's just wrong on so many levels. I'm so sorry op, I bet it's extremely confusing and soul crushing to not know where your so is every weekend. He's either cheating on you or he's got some secret private life that you definitely don't know anything about. Neither is okay and I hope you put your foot down and ask him about it. If he refuses to tell you anything, just ask yourself if you're okay with him treating you like this. Like SHIT. And then go with what you feel is right. If he ever makes you feel like what he's doing is normal and isn't wrong in any way shape or form, just know that he's gaslighting you and don't take shit from him. Leave him if it comes to that. Good luck, OP.


Rollermom

You don’t need a PI. You need to file for divorce. Don’t waste any time. When he asks why you filed, answer, “I don’t know.”


JustMMlurkingMM

Get a locksmith to change the locks when he’s away next weekend and don’t let him back in. If he asks why you are doing it, say “I don’t know”. He can sleep in the road until you get an answer.


volundsdespair

Honestly I think the *most* bizarre part of this story is the fact that you allow it to happen. Tell him to tell you the truth(because "I don't know" doesn't count as an answer), or you're leaving him.


dekecs

So like he is away from the family (and duties, and responsibility) in the 40% of the week? 1. do you have separate finances? 2. don't you think you underreacting the situation? is the "i dont know" a good answer for you? no consequences at all? this is not normal. 3. 100% cheating, document everything, and fight for alimony. save up some money honey! do you know his spending habits? how much money do you guys have?


Illustrious_Clue1883

Not one of these I don’t know men ffs. They usually turn out the most vile and insidious. I’m serious. If he won’t explain it’s time to file for divorce. This isn’t normal. In fact it’s scary.


Badknees24

Wtf?!! I wouldn't accept this for ONE weekend, not ever. You're meant to be in a partnership. This is not that.


kindakinky-femdommie

I don't know how much more obvious it needs to be that he's cheating on you?? I know it can be hard to come to terms with but sadly this isn't a sitcom where he's secretly working on a tree fort or doing undwater basket weaving contests until a dramatic climax. He is missing on weekends. He refuses to tell you where he is. Every single sign in everything other than television points to him cheating. Not only cheating but lying to you. How stupid can he possibly be to think "i don't know" makes ANY sense. You know fully that he is aware of his surroundings every single weekend. He just doesn't want to say he's cheating and is horrible at lying. I'd say tell him you know what he's doing. Give him a chance to admit. If he doesn't then take action.


sevenoutdb

Yeah - husband's can't ghost their wives on the weekends and expect this to just be normal.


therealsatansweasel

If she's been this gutless for this long, its not going to change. Why would it? She is willing to accept the flimsiest excuse. Much like an abuse victim, she will stay. Cause she is, he's abusing her trust.


Last-Construction295

He cheating and that’s that. That’s not a marriage if he can’t be honest about what he’s doing.


naharyiaboi

He’s pulling a Walter White on you


Routine-Divide

This is literally the plot of a horror movie I saw- the husband left every weekend and was a serial killer. OP this is extremely abnormal. Please protect yourself. You shouldn’t care about talking to him about this. He has zero respect for you. He doesn’t even give enough of a shit to try to lie. Get out of there.


gi_28

I would pack my shit. Pack up my daughter. Go wherever tf I want. And IF he has the balls to call and asks where I am, I'll respond "I don't know". If he doesn't call, good riddance. Fuck this guy. This post pissed me off. I'm so sorry Queen. You don't deserve that!!!


emotionless_p_bitch

Hire a private investigator


Orion-Galileo

He’s cheating on you.. and he’s not even trying to hide it.


willfully_hopeful

I’m shocked. I have no words. Why are you taking this so calmly!?!


goodvibestoday

I know you know that whatever he is doing on the weekends and disappearing like this isn’t okay. At this point, the reasoning is null. His blatant disregard from communicating with you truthfully about where he is/what he’s doing when he leaves you and your daughter for days on end is wrong in itself. There isn’t another explanation for this other than he’s doing something wrong/sketchy during this time, whether it be having another family, another relationship, drugs, crime, etc. You can drive yourself completely crazy by imagining the reasoning for his behaviour- it doesn’t change the fact that it’s inevitable he’s doing SOMETHING that wouldn’t be okay with you, or the fact that he’s okay with flaunting the fact that he’s hiding it from you and refuses to be an open, honest and loyal partner. Him saying “I don’t know” when you question him on it is so disrespectful and frankly, a disgusting response and way to treat you. I think this is beyond getting him to “talk” about this. He’s already done so much damage to you and your daughter emotionally. You both deserve so much better and so much more love. Get out. Radically accept you may never know what he has been doing, and that regardless of what the truth is, he has done more than enough damage thus far from putting you through this turmoil.


SummersRedFox

Maybe he is serving weekend jail time? Hire a PI?


Altruistic_Call8439

Put a tracker on his car and confront him


TheRedPill1978

You don't need to pay for private investigator.....you could just leave a smartphone hidden in his car and on silent mode..with location on....and use app like Findmyphone and track his location from any computer or other smart phone you have.....at no cost of $ to u..... He's hiding something big and you have to find out what it like. Far most likely is he is cheating on you. There is a tiny chance it's something good like he's working a side job and saving up for a gift for you but vast majority of time it's something shady, like he's a male stripper, prostitute, a cheat, etc.


DeliveringIdiots

The fact that you have accepted the "I don't know" answer for months is blowing my mind. I don't know is not an answer and if that was my partner I would demand the truth or we would not be together anymore if he was disappearing every weekend


ITguydoingITthings

Easy answer: follow the money. Check bank accounts and credit cards...see where the money is going and where HE is going.


Infinite_Chicken1968

He has another life. Check the bank statements


CherryBomb214

At this point it's not even a "what is he doing" problem. It's a lack of communication problem. There's no "how do I get him to open up". The conversation should be one about communication and boundaries and straight up telling him he is shady as fuck and it's effecting the marriage. Also, dude is probably cheating on you.


MemoryFrost

Dude probably has a whole wife and kids in a different state lmao. That’s really shady.


78FANGIRL

I wouldn't be talking about it I would have kicked his ass out the first time he left. I would have filed for divorce by now. He is probably cheating. WTF. He can't live two lives. You should leave every single weekend too! Your daughter can be left alone, right?! That's ridiculous! Why do so many people put up with such bizarre behavior?


moradorose

How about this... you leave, don't tell him where you're going and don't answer his calls or text messages. See what happens.


Peppatwig

Next time he leaves pack his shit for him. That's totally unacceptable even if he was just leaving to be by himself


Elkensburg

He is part of the Winchester family and has agreed to only help on the weekends. But, in all seriousness, that's not okay. I would explain to him that either he gives up what's going on, or you give up on him. Marriage is about being open with one another. There shouldn't be anything that could prevent him from explaining what's going on, hell even fabricating a lie is imo better than just refusing to say anything.


Holmeister

Every time he says he doesn't know where he is/goes, he is lying to you. That is a bad start, and the only real option you have is to assume he has something to hide. Let him know this, maybe it will prompt him to open up. The problem is he has already been lying to you, consciously and brazenly, knowing that you know he is lying, for months. I think it is time for a PI, *even if he does tell you where he goes.* There's just no telling whether he is being honest at this point.


pearlrose85

“I don’t know” sounds like the excuse an 8yr-old gives when they know they’ve done something they shouldn’t. (In fact, I heard it from MY 8yr-old last week when I asked why there were sprinkles all over the bathroom floor. Kids 🙄.) He knows exactly what he’s doing, he just doesn’t want to tell you because he knows you won’t like the answer, and he’s too lazy to think of an alibi. If he’s so checked out of your relationship that he disappears several weekends in a row with no excuse (not even no GOOD excuse, simply no excuse at all), then no amount of counseling will bring him back. And I don’t recommend stooping to begging, bribery, or threats. Your options are tolerate it and stay, or quit tolerating it and leave.


oceanique86

Wow, this is basically a step away from him banging someone on the couch in your living room. He is basically saying he does not care about you and your feelings, and is not willing to take responsibility. You know he is not actually Batman and is most likely not spending this time volunteering in a homeless shelter… so that leaves one option - he is having an affair, as the best option, the worst option being he might be a serial killer. So why do you need to stay with him?


nanettehimmelfarb

Take the opportunity the next time he leaves to pack your stuff and leave with your baby before he returns.


No-Plane-4117

Buy a throw away phone leave it in his car with GPS on an track it they hav those apps for parents tracking there kids. Then a couple hrs after it stops moving make a appearance. Find out whats up. When he asks what your doing there then you hit him with the idk. And if its bad you can also hit him with the IDK how much alimony I'm getting from you but I'm def going to get some


pizzaorburrito

This is so strange. Why aren't you like, "Where the fuck are you going and what the fuck are you doing?"


budderocks

"I don't know"? You should tell him it's not safe for him to leave if he can't remember what he's doing while he's left you, with no notice, for 2 days. He's doing something he doesn't want you to know about because it is likely bad. No one would answer that way if there was nothing to hide. You shouldn't accept this. Common courtesy would dictate that a roommate tells their other roommate if they're going to be gone for a couple days, and you're supposed to be closer to your husband than roommates are. Insist he communicates with you and demand answers as to why he is abandonding you and his child. If he won't answer, you don't have a relationship. Edit:Typos


TheDkone

This can't be real. If it is, then you don't really have a relationship with this man and the only reason you are still married is because it is more convenient for him not to leave you. I phrased it that way because you are letting yourself be a doormat for him to walk all over. Anyone, male or female, with a shred of self-esteem would resolve this immediately.


charlies019

Does he gamble? Playing pokers can be addictive Nd last many hours. Test to see if he will buy you stuff.


Ehvyxo

Forget the PI, just leave him. Doesn't matter what he's doing, either way he's a liar. Obviously he DOES know what he's doing.


AnonymooseMousey

For me, the first time would be grounds for a long discussion . The second time I'd have been packing my bags. This would NOT fly.


Mountain-Patience-59

So many questions. Is he usually this dismissive? Does he typically just expect you to put up with whatever he decides to do and not question it? Does he have any mental health or addiction issues? I just reread. This has been going on for months? WTF? He's being a terrible husband and father. Not only is he absent, but he's hiding something AND he's unreachable for days at a time. What's the dynamic in your marriage that he is getting away with this? Are you dependant on him? You need to sit him down and insist on an explanation. Don't accept anything less than the full truth. You need to assert yourself and make it clear you won't put up with this any longer.


Turms70

I dont know where you live, but in germany, we have a punishment, where you are in prision over the weekend.


Jessicabuddy9

Sounds like he can't talk about it . Maybe he is on a fight club the first rule is .... Seriously though wtf ... Nope. Could you imagine if you disappeared every weekend refused to talk about where you were? Just left your kid and husband? Insane right? Tell him he needs to tell you if your leaving and of he doesn't tell you ... Leave - that's crazy sketchy. Best case he is cheating worst case he is doing drugs or something else that could endanger you and the baby. Well BEST case he is secretly helping blind orphans and worst case he is a serial killer but they seemed unlikely


zoomzoom42

Either hire a Private investigator to find out or tell him the next time it happens you're calling a lawyer. Sounds like he has another person/ family on the side to me.


IllChampionship5

You need to stand up for yourself here. Don't accept his nonsense "I don't know" answers. Tell him you are leaving if he doesn't come clean with you.


[deleted]

If he won't give you a straight answer on where he is, then you can assume he is doing something he knows you would not approve--like having an affair.


Damned_again

Worst case he's cheating on you, best case, though still fucking bad is he's leaving you to do all the work so he can fuck off and have fun. Both are unacceptable and you need to let him know that ots not going to continue.


rebelmumma

Nah worst case he’s a serial rapist/killer and he hunts on the weekends. Best case he’s an untrustworthy fuck.


pghWealth

I don’t know if anyone else would admit this-but, I will. I cheated. I did this. He’s cheating. File for divorce. You’re accepting his behaviors..but, it’s not your fault. You deserve better. You deserve someone that, not only stays, but answers your very valid questions. He’s doing neither. I’m so sorry you are dealing with this...& I hope you heed a lot of these people’s advice. I wish you the best.


sugarbear999

Even if he wasn't having an affair don't you think it's wrong that he won't tell you anything about it. It's a clear disrespect to your emotions


PhuckedinPhilly

A little while ago my nonmonogamous life partner told his wife that he had to go get a thumb drive that he left at the office. It was eleven at night. His office is five minutes from home. He got back home an hour and a half later smelling like sex and pall mall cigarettes. He probably didn't even remember the thumb drive. His wife didn't question a thing. Don't be like her. That's your husband. Demand answers. He's not playing fantasy football with the guys. Take it from a cheater who sleeps with cheaters. Dudebro can't even take a moment to make up a somewhat believable excuse.


PhuckedinPhilly

Oh, and as someone who is in recovery, addiction doesn't wait until the weekend


Deathbecomesher13

Hire a private detective


heyhajime

either cheating or drugs


Hulque94

This is either completely fake (OP hasn't responded to anyone, and I don't think anyone is legitimately this clueless) or your husband is guaranteed cheating on you.


Leamsy90

I’m a spiteful bitch. I would do the same. Leave your daughter with him and leave for the weekend. When he calls don’t answer and when he demand to know where you were I’d give him the same answer. But like I said I’m spiteful


Unlikely_Complaint67

Hire an investigator before confronting him. You'll be glad you did.


BlueberryOverall1842

???? Girl.... ok then u start going out on weekends see how he likes it. Dont return calls dont say who ur with even if ur alone. Men hate getting a taste of their own medicine. If he wont talk about it I'm sorry he is coward. I would look into divorcing him as well .


LiluLay

What the hell, OP? Have you a shred of dignity? What about a strong sense of curiosity that would compel you to address this situation strongly? Are you from a culture where men are never questioned or expected to respect or consider their wives? If not, I don’t know what you’re doing redditing this instead of figuring out what the fuck your husband and father of your child is up to on the weekends. Track his phone, ask his friends, start watching his social media. This is the kind of behavior that needs to be confronted. If he won’t come clean you need to start investigating it yourself. But brace yourself for the worst possible outcomes.


mfkent99

Either He has a war on crime and is a vigilante, or he's doing the opposite of that, or possibly cheatey kinda stuff. One is more likely than the others though sadly.


LowerSalad

It is so weird I don’t have words, but maybe a strategy. « Hey, I’m going away this weekend, and every 2 weekends after that. You’re watching your daughter. Bye! »


goldencricket3

If he can't answer, Track. His. Phone. It's either an affair with humans or it's an affair with drugs - but either way that's sketchy, sugar. Put a tracker on his phone or on his car and follow him. You deserve to know.


YesIamlookingstyou

I get Second Family vibes here.


Haunting-East

He’s got a whole ass other family on the side


QuietComplainer

I didnt instant go to cheating. I remember seeing this show about a woman married to a serial killer. She didnt know until he became obsessed with and tried to attack a neighbor and got caught. Either way, cheating or serial killer....I'd leave. If your not in a position to, put a tracker on his car and or phone. You don't deserve to be treated this way, especially with a child in play. Its your choice, but answers will come either way you go about it.


lata3009

Affair or drugs. Welp or both unfortunately. Hes gotta want to talk to u. Theres really not much u can do to make him talk. Give him the choice Pack up and leave if he continues to leave and be secretive or you continue to deal with this mess and no complaints.


nellybaby95

For months and you’re still with him!? Sounds like he’s cheating. How does he not know?


Ornery_Special_1680

The only reason I’d even be waiting around for an explanation at this point is so I could make it clear on the divorce papers exactly why the divorce is happening.


Mission-Document5257

Communication is key - I don't see any here. Definitely suspicious.


Syd_Syd34

Lmao he does what?! Girl, if you don’t change them mfkin locks the moment he leaves Friday night 🙄