T O P
Silver-Animator-1905

She should have taken a bite out of the other side too


enjoyyouryak

Then she could say she “8” it.


RobotWithHumanHairV

How do you people come up with this stuff


[deleted]

Wondering the same thing, i guess there are chromosomes assigned for humour too?


Iron_Freezer

that guy must have loads of chromosomes


[deleted]

Yeah i feel a solid 50 pairs instead of 23 pairs


TheRunningFree1s

Ups Syndrome


VCRdrift

They're on drugs.


Tomatetoes97

Here have my fucking upvote. I hope you get diarrhoea during your next performance meeting at work.


siccoblue

Well that's rude I agree


dumbdumb893

r/angryupvote


krishywish

I am yelling


generalecchi

/r/AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA


No_Ad_9318

This is a library


stealth57

No, this is Patrick.


Jody_B_Designs

Wait a second, this is supposed to be a Wendy's.


squiebe

Wendy's on break she's eating a hamburger vertically.


ItsMeSatan

Shhhhhh!!


CosmicCreeperz

I mean for gods sake why the side?? At least she could have bitten one of the ends. Now it’s lost all burrito structural stability.


Flaky-Fish6922

she's asserting dominance.


CoastalFunk

But the ends of the burrito are all that chewy tortilla so I’d say she did the smart maneuver Tortilla is the delivery system for the yummy insides.


Skratt79

Easy fix; cut the burrito at the bite line and eat it like 2 separate burritos.


Conscious_Figure_945

I like your glass half full outlook on this... Totally made me realize how much of a pessimist I am 🤣


GM900

Now she can't complain if you take a bite out one of her meals.


julioarod

Ask for some of her drink then bite the side of the cup.


Ephemeral_Wolf

Wait til she's having a cup of tea from a porcelain cup to really flex


attackonyourmom

Ok, that actually made me chuckle.


SkyNetscape

[There’s nothing to it.](https://giphy.com/gifs/sabpacheco-tea-willy-wonka-teacup-skV0H0m5ZRUFG)


Mega---Moo

Lies. 100% will still complain.


MangledSunFish

I worry about some of the relationships people on Reddit seem to have in real life. I wish you luck


Secondsmakeminutes

They are all imaginary anyway. Mostly keyboard warrior Virgins


Urhhh

Warrior Virgins...are those like warrior monks from the Sengoku period?


FetishAnalyst

Yes, but there’s less religion and more virginity. And they only actually fight themselves on the inside.


hogboger

At least they are fashionable with their fedoras.


Ardent_Gunner

And everyone loves a well trimmed neck beard


PaperDistribution

r/nothingeverhappens


Exact_Ad_1215

———————————No bitches?——————————— ⠀⣞⢽⢪⢣⢣⢣⢫⡺⡵⣝⡮⣗⢷⢽⢽⢽⣮⡷⡽⣜⣜⢮⢺⣜⢷⢽⢝⡽⣝ ⠸⡸⠜⠕⠕⠁⢁⢇⢏⢽⢺⣪⡳⡝⣎⣏⢯⢞⡿⣟⣷⣳⢯⡷⣽⢽⢯⣳⣫⠇ ⠀⠀⢀⢀⢄⢬⢪⡪⡎⣆⡈⠚⠜⠕⠇⠗⠝⢕⢯⢫⣞⣯⣿⣻⡽⣏⢗⣗⠏⠀ ⠀⠪⡪⡪⣪⢪⢺⢸⢢⢓⢆⢤⢀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢊⢞⡾⣿⡯⣏⢮⠷⠁⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠈⠊⠆⡃⠕⢕⢇⢇⢇⢇⢇⢏⢎⢎⢆⢄⠀⢑⣽⣿⢝⠲⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡿⠂⠠⠀⡇⢇⠕⢈⣀⠀⠁⠡⠣⡣⡫⣂⣿⠯⢪⠰⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⡦⡙⡂⢀⢤⢣⠣⡈⣾⡃⠠⠄⠀⡄⢱⣌⣶⢏⢊⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢝⡲⣜⡮⡏⢎⢌⢂⠙⠢⠐⢀⢘⢵⣽⣿⡿⠁⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠨⣺⡺⡕⡕⡱⡑⡆⡕⡅⡕⡜⡼⢽⡻⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⣳⣫⣾⣵⣗⡵⡱⡡⢣⢑⢕⢜⢕⡝⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⣴⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⡿⡽⡑⢌⠪⡢⡣⣣⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⡟⡾⣿⢿⢿⢵⣽⣾⣼⣘⢸⢸⣞⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⠇⠡⠩⡫⢿⣝⡻⡮⣒⢽⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ —————————————————————————————


Purple_Carrot9861

Right? Some of them seem so outrageous.☹️


Drakayne

Wait... People om reddit have relationships??!


DMcI0013

Nope. Not even the married ones


Vihzel

100% will bring it up during an argument 4 months from then.


[deleted]

[удалено]


FunnyObjective6

That's why I myself wait 4 months to take a bite out of her meal. Be the pedantic toxic asshole first.


MakoLov3r

Your +17 years of experience are enough for me to believe you


DatChernoby2Guy

(Ignores)


ste189

I don't think that's the point, usually if she took a bite out of the end, you could probably accept this. Taking a bite out of the side of a burrito makes me question her judgement on life itself there's no going back...


sinopa82

This! I think op misspoke, ex-gf had taken a bite.


[deleted]

The audacity of biting the burrito in the middle though...🤨


Bdguyrty

Lol right? You bit my burrito? Sure, whatever. You bit it on the fucking side like you were eating corn? Okay, now we have a problem.


TesticleMeElmo

I’d be taking bites out of the bottom side of her crunchy taco for this


Z3z6

Damn. That's some escalation Enders Game type retaliation. I approve.


SouthOfTheBorderline

I’d plan a special dinner, tell her I’m going to cook for her. Light candles, put out flowers, box of chocolates. Full hallmark movie experience. Make a beautiful steak with her favorite sides. All the food has a bite taken out of it. Life’s like a box of chocolates, never know when they’re all gonna be bitten in half. After dinner sit down for a movie. Something really good she wants to see. Edit the file so it cuts to the credits right before the climax. Won’t be a total dick though, got the full file on deck.


The_Abjectator

Your options for retaliation are: 1. Buy her an ice cream in a cone but bite out the bottom. 2. Make her a chili dog using an extra thin slice of white bread instead of a bun. 3. Serve her spaghetti with a spoon. 4. Buy her a Boba tea but switch the straw out to a regular size.


SouthOfTheBorderline

The ice cream might be a little too mean, the burrito is still edible. Bite the bottom of a cone and her delicious treat is being fed to the ground. I… do make chili dogs and use thin white bread for the bun. Damn, I really do hate myself. Spaghetti with a spoon can sometimes be an advantage if that sauce be chunky. Cut the spaghetti with the edge of the spoon, build that perfect bite. My Italian ancestors are rolling in their graves rn. Even worse, give her a boba straw with a small cut in it. I like this. This is the level of petty I aspire to be.


MizLudiculous

This is some revenge porn and I’m fully here for it.


drugs_mckenzie

Lmao just imagining the face when opening a box of chocolates with every single one missing half. This is great!


[deleted]

Why on the side lmao ☠️


Elitenova45

She only wanted a bite and the first bite of the burrito when eaten normally at a lot of burrito restaurants is usually just the tortilla and she wanted to taste everything on one bite.


RexorFWT

One bite everyone knows the rule


Alekipayne

That is why you learn to unhinge your jaw.


Karmaless-user

It's a cool party trick when you can eat three cupcakes in one bite. Source: can unhinge jaw


emlgsh

Found the anaconda.


ayestEEzybeats

I don’t believe you. Need a video/gif/small series of photographs for proof. I mean, you don’t *have* to prove it of course, but you’d be a whole lot cooler if ya did..


Karmaless-user

There's technique to it. I have to pull out the sides of my cheeks and kinda faceplant into the cupcakes, and they have to be placed upside down.


fulltimefrenzy

Ahhh, the ol' "Lil' Debbie-Deep Throat". Classic.


Tanliarian

Yeah, don't do it too much or it starts becoming too easy to unhinged, and it happens when you don't want it


Alekipayne

Try a whole slice of three layer cake


Darentei

If you need unhinging for that, your cake is too dry.


NotSoKeptWoman

The guy’d be a keeper for sure. That’s a handy talent.


Atlxien

Where are we Frankie


Royced5

sorry dont know where didnt have my morning snow i mean coke i mean diet coke


[deleted]

Is that you Paper Hands Portnoy?


poops-n-farts

This comment made my day


Interesting_Bank4465

Your comment gave me PTSD from that video where he keeps getting interrupted


Ieatclowns

But you can see she has her own burrito in the photo....


jkhockey15

That’s worse if that’s her reason as opposed to doing it *specifically* to mess with him.


South-Diamond-4522

Ikr wtf


ididntknowiwascyborg

Makes me think she did it as a joke. Looks fuckin silly


LichtTheLost

To assert dominance


Sad-Vegetable6983

So disrespectful, I'm mad just looking at it.


ipickscabs

Hopefully fucking with him. I’d have a solid laugh about this with my wife


Kerjj

Honestly if my partner did this specifically from the side I would laugh. It's a tiny bit from a massive burrito, and being on the side makes it very funny imo.


ThreeMysticApes

Gotta tell her “you want me to touch your taco later, you better not touch my burrito when I’m gone.”


FineUnderachievement

This reminds me of a weird thought I had on the bus the other day.. bear with me. So I saw an Indian couple on the bus, being affectionate, and I was trying to think of a ethnically charged euphemism for sex. Now, I realize, this is all terrible, but I was just entertaining myself. So like, 'put your burrito in my taco' or 'put your egg roll in my wanton,' or put your hotdog in my buns' so, what do I go with here? 'put your naan in my vindaloo?' idk, this is pretty bad, but reddit, take the wheel


Bleys087

Put your tikka in my masala


Krushed_RED_pepperR

Chutney my samosa ;)


Bleys087

Put your kebab in my curry


zowie2222

Put my chicken in your tandoor.


zwalk07

Holy shit how did you have the time to think things like this when there is a God damn bear on the bus with you.


uniquedifferences

Careful or he'll say he's going to bear with you.


Boy_Possession

Ah yes. The Justin Bieber Way.


East-Canary-538

Fun fact ! That photo was part of a social experiment and actually wasn’t him, they got a burrito double and called the paparazzi in an attempt to go viral .


Reldarino

I loved that Justin did not known about this experiment, one day he must have woken up, turn on the tv, and see “himself” being hated by everyone for eating a burrito sideways. He knew it wasn’t him but he played along by saying nothing, true legend lol


QR63

Yep! For everyone that didn’t know, search Yes Theory Justin Bieber on YouTube. It’s one of their most viewed videos. Different than most of their content, but they’re incredible overall!


sitzenschlitz

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vs6In7UtyXY 2018 was a simpler time.


sunnyinphx

That’s actually the only reason I wouldn’t hate her. I would laugh but definitely tell her I didn’t want her to do that anymore. That’s fucking hilarious


D_Athletic_Director

Like a savage


Mega---Moo

This is the person that you either marry...or break up with tomorrow...nothing in-between. I married her, and she is still doing this shit after 17 years.


LostcityAztlan

She’s just making sure no one is trying to poison you ☠️


pm_me_cute_sloths_

My mother used to do this every time we would get ice cream as children. It got to the point that we would hand her the ice cream to check for poison and beg her to. She had us trained lol, and we were none the wiser for a long time until we were like 12 lol Apparently little me was convinced people were trying to poison us at every turn with ice cream, and only ice cream I’m 100% going to use that trick on my children


LostcityAztlan

Lol she really got you, begging her to check for poison 😅😅


princesskelbell

That’s exactly what I say to my fiancé lol. Or taste testing!


storeyhoneycomb

"quality assurance" when I'm feeling professional


Orionsven

In this case, he left the food unattended, so it's caretaker tax.


LegalHelpNeeded3

Honestly, if my wife shot back with that reply, I wouldn’t even be mad lmao


IveGotATinyRick

I say this to my wife any time I steal a bite of her food!


marcstov

Sounds like the perfect woman to me


Mega---Moo

We suit each other...


IsTomorrowAcceptable

So wholesome


phadewilkilu

Holesome burritos.


jwymes44

Yup. Plan on engaging soon. Drives me insane but I wouldn’t want anyone else biting out of the side of my burriti


CharlieBr87

Congratulations, you are the first person to make me ponder in depth the plural word for burrito. I think the English language is incorrect and needs to be updated with this new terminology. Thank you for your contribution to society. Take this Nobel peace alloy 🏅


mohammedibnakar

> plural word for burrito. Burritum


hamtoucher

ROMANES EUNT BURRITUM


Easilycrazyhat

It's actually burritopodes.


Dirko_0

Lucky!!! I would marry a lady who did this to me too. So unexpected, harmless but carefully thought out; gold.


blueblissberrybell

But I bet she helps you find socks in a heartbeat!


[deleted]

[удалено]


BertMacGyver

All I have to do in the mornings is say my wife's name in a slight "I'm about to ask a question" tone and I get "I DONT KNOW WHERE YOUR SOCKS ARE."


moral_mercenary

Yeah, I'd think it was hilarious.


Drakonslayor

That was my thought. My wife would do this and cover it with something. I would laugh way to loud at this haha! She's been doing stuff like this for the last 12 years :)


UnmotivatedDiacritic

One day you’ll come back from the bathroom wishing there was a bite taken out of it. And then maybe one day, many years after your wife passes, there’ll be a bite missing again.


Mega---Moo

Sad, but true. My one grandpa never remarried after 60 years together, and my other grandma just lost her spouse after 61 years together... Both are/were absolutely devastated. It's your *person* that does *the thing you hate, but not really*. Hopefully, we can have another 40 years of hazing each other...


Wolfensnatches

I think some people can only have 1 true love in their lifetime, especially if the marriage lasted a long time. My grandpa has been without my grandma for 20 years now. They were high school sweethearts, married 52 years. He's never remarried, never even dated, and he still talks about her a lot, telling us stories and reminiscing. He keeps her very near and dear to his heart. She is always with him ❤ May we have many, many more years with our spouses 🙏


Anon21436587

100% truth, my wife and I do this shit to each other all the time and love each other for it.


TobyGoRawr

I would 100% do this to my wife


Additional_Ad4880

But… on the side of it… #Why


[deleted]

Just to taste everything inside the burrito If you eat the upper part first all you taste is flour


LoddyDoddee

Or.... hear me out... you wait for him to have some, and then get a nice middle bite after asking. 🙃


[deleted]

GFs like asserting dominance more It's worse in my case, she legit just eats half my meal sometimes, what she'll do is she won't order anything for herself and eat half my meal, just to mess with me


impulsikk

"I dont want any fries." I order fries. "I'll just have a few". Eats half of them.


Adaphion

This is when you order them an order of fries anyways


LoddyDoddee

Aw! That sucks! I've never done that! My husband usually gulps his down in a few bites and then stares at my plate, so I end up giving it to him. Lol


LizzyLeonhart

Omg story of my life- are we dating the same person? He says he doesn’t want Chipotle, I ask him multiple times “are you sure?” And he sticks with it. Okay- I order my chipotle, he stares at it forever, and is like “im just gonna have a bite”- a few bites later I barely tasted it and it’s gone! LOL Its cute though so it’s okay


fcocyclone

Because its funny. If a gf did this to me i'd come back and laugh about it.


Mamasan-

Exactly Some people in here are getting irrationally angry and don’t realize it’s just a joke I’ve done the same to my husband and he’s done it to me and it’s funny.


Sloblowpiccaso

Its in the middle of the the burrito it ruins the structural integrity of the burrito. She is a monster, and if their partner likes it they are also a monster and im happy they found each other so they can stay the fuck away from me.


ryohazuki224

JOEY DOESN'T SHARE FOOD!


Bahnmor

Came here to say the same thing. The only acceptable response.


Chfwahoo

She establishing dominance…. Pee on her…


SalvadorMagundi

Cleveland steamer


[deleted]

Lmao I just got transported to being a 12 year old on urban dictionary


siccoblue

Time to initiate docking with the homie right in front of her


AdRemote9464

Dirty Sanchez


Ok_Tooth_6059

Stanly steamer


Kick_Natherina

Rusty Trombone


AdRemote9464

Alabama hot pocket


txijake

Pee on her wedding dress without her knowing.


ParksDontBsuspicious

Jail!


PhilosophyScary7048

Believe it or not, straight to jail.


SunflowerOccultist

We have the best customers in the world….because of jail.


coxykitten923

Straight to jail


ronchee1

Do not pass go


WereAllMadHereNow

Do not collect $200


Nacrazy13

"And for that reason I'm out"


KeepCalmNSayYesDaddy

"But you're the only shark I ever wanted." 😭


throwawaystranger69

I'm just here for the water and for that reason I'm out.


NormalDeviance

What a monster. Who does that?!?!


sonic810

JOEY DOESN'T SHARE FOOD


oohrosie

Two problems here: 1. she didn't even let you have the first fucking bite, that's blasphemy. 2. Who THE FUCK bites the middle of a whole burrito?! Grab the pitchforks and torches, she must not be suffered to live.


dynamic_caste

Someone failed the marshmallow test


MarrkDaviid

Girlfriend tax


Enano_reefer

I don’t mind the girlfriend tax but from the *side*??? What kind of monster is this??


[deleted]

[удалено]


mentally_unstable22

And it’s the FIRST bite.


Realwinrin

food > girlfriend


FuqqBoiDev69

Kiss her while she's chewing it and take back what's yours.


leakybunnygirl

Time to breakup with her


[deleted]

It’s a meme at this point


Remy385

You never start or finish someone else's food without asking. The first bite of a burrito is too satisfying to steal. Mid burrito bite is forgivable if it's a good relationship. But first bite?


KalebMW99

And last bite is saying goodbye, you need that closure lol


spazmatt527

With burritos, I disagree. The middle-bites are the best. First and last bites are usually full of folded flour.


Pikachu_91

My ex did this shit all the time. Once, we had some leftover chinese food, just enough for one person. He wanted it, so I said "sure, I'll just eat some bread". I made myself some bread with nutella. I turned around for a minute, and when I wanted to grab my plate to take it to the table, half of my sandwich was eaten. So I let him have the Chinese food, and he still ate half my food. He did that shit all the time, too. Stole the best stuff off my plate. It made me so angry. When I got upset, he said he thought he was just being cute. No you're not, you're a selfish ass.


KeepCalmNSayYesDaddy

The "sorry not sorry" routine isn't cute, it's inconsiderate and selfish.


TnelisPotencia

I'm happy you're free from that nightmare.


[deleted]

[удалено]


CynicalC9

So you took a picture and posted it on Reddit, in the middle of the meal?


significant_shrinker

Marry her, have beautiful children and live the next 20yrs of your life together then divorce her ass for this shit.


holsomvr6

"But... why? We had such a lovely life together! There were no signs!" "Remember when you took a bite out of my burrito? 20 years ago? Yeah. We're done."


CmndrPopNFresh

Dump her and by dump her I mean make her use the bathroom second


AnnaBanana3468

That’s so rude. And in the middle? I’m sure it got cold because she broke the seal. Time to breakup with her.


jediknightofthewest

What kind of psychopath are you dating, and when do you think she’s going to murder you and then pose your body for investigators to find?


chippy-triforce

Marry her and then divorce her because breaking up isn’t enough


KeepCalmNSayYesDaddy

Divorce is too expensive for the man. Talk about getting married and then break up the day before Valentines.


marcstov

“It was like that”


Slutformashedpotato

r/comedyheaven


timmytimsnuts

Get rid of her while you still can!


InAfterThePurge

THIS MEANS WARRR


DylanNotDillan

Your girlfriend is an absolute menace to society💀💀


Garibon

Right in the middle. Why not the end like a normal person? This is such a power move though in fairness to her. Id be kind of impressed.


BWC_Superior

Ex gf*


shwoopdeboop

This is not mildly infuriating


sonofareptile

Why does it bother you though? Do you kiss her?


BoilingBat

People actually care about that shit? Its your girl man who cares


iits_kev12

it's not the fact that she gave a bite,it's where she gave it.


Remy_2089

In Joey's voice "Joey doesnt share food"


Plastic_Comment_5189

Firstly, who eats a burrito like that?! Secondly, why are you still with her?! Burritos are sacred and cannot be shared.


c3h8pro

Is she at least house broken?


bloodredswan

Ex-girlfriend.