T O P

Broke my own rule the other night.

Broke my own rule the other night.

youknowiactafool

One of my coworkers was telling me how she went to a bar one night with some of her friends and a guy kept hitting on each of them, they turned him down and he eventually left and reappeared after an hour with his hat turned backwards and wearing a different colored shirt and pretended he was a whole new dude. My coworker and her friends knew who he was and asked why he even did that and I told her that he only does that because it has worked for him at least once. He just waits for women he already tried hitting on to get more drunk so they don't remember him anymore. That's the sad part.


ReverendDizzle

Jesus Christ, I cannot imagine having such little self worth.


Nintendevotion

That's kinda gross how pushy he was being. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that : ( You shouldn't have to lie or change how you act in order to avoid that stuff


inowar

guys who don't know what "no" means in public are definitely worse in private


madeupgrownup

I've actually said "So, you're a guy who doesn't hear 'no' then? Do you like keeping going even when the woman isn't into it..." with the full nasty implication behind it in my tone. Dude stopped, turned red, spluttered a bit and then said "it's not the same thing!" and left. Ignoring someone's consent to continue with romantic or sexual advances is not ok, whatever the circumstances. We need to spell out to them just how creepy this makes them look.


HawkspurReturns

[https://that-guy.co.uk/do-you-recognise-yourself-in-our-60-second-film/](https://that-guy.co.uk/do-you-recognise-yourself-in-our-60-second-film/)


carmainelim

Damn the ratio of likes and dislikes is fucking terrifying


SlaveToTheDarkBeat

The execution of this is amazing. Thanks for sharing.


TakeOnMe-TakeOnMe

I can just imagine all the wee feelings that would get bent if someone tried to roll this out in the states. Can you just hear those proud boys who claim to be lions among sheep or gods among men or whatever, complaining anyone who supports the campaign is a "woke snowflake" when in actuality *they themselves* are the snowflakes?


Ok_Judge3497

Just remember when all the manly men lost their shit over a [Gillette commercial](https://youtu.be/koPmuEyP3a0), which is still sitting at 1.6 million downvotes. Its always the ones who complain loudest about SJW snowflakes who can't even handle the light criticism from a cheesy commercial.


Puzzleheaded-Oil5734

When you suggest even minor changes to behaviour its BIG TIME WHINE FEST TIME.


Ok_Judge3497

"hey men, let's be a little better" "SNOWFLAKE FEMINAZI SJW'S ARE DESTROYING AMERICA! HOW DARE I BE ASKED TO BE A SLIGHTLY BETTER PERSON!"


hashtagsugary

After watching Promising Young Woman last night, I got inspired by this kind of language too. My go-to before that was a little more Miranda Priestly with an icy cold tone saying “that’s all” - and then dismissing them with an equally cold stare.


ThrowAwayAcct0000

I like to pretend that I'm clearing my throat, as if maybe they didn't hear me, and then say, "I said, NO." Don't argue, they see arguing as engagement, which is what they wanted. Stone wall instead.


MTonmyMind

That's a good approach: "If you won't accept me saying 'no' here in public, in front of my friend... what happens when I say no at home... in the bedroom? I can't take the chance you'll ignore that too."


perpetuallawstudent

I bet some jackass would take that as a chance to say "so you're gonna come home with me to my bedroom?" which is 🤮🤮🤮


Githyerazi

Yes, you don't debate about the philosophical niceties with a sleazeball. You will not change him, only give him more avenues of approach.


MTonmyMind

I wasn’t thinking of it as a debate or a conversation. My statement isn’t exactly inviting a response. It’s a shut down. Much good as it might do.


greennick

Ignoring someone's lack of consent to do just about anything isn't ok


Tanedra

Exactly, and if they'll cross tiny boundaries from the start, they will definitely cross bigger boundaries later.


JamesNinelives

100% agree! I really wish guys didn't have to have you spell it out for them. Consent isn't just about sex. Respect people's boundaries!


Yogicabump

It should only take one No. I hate it that women might need to lie to get rid of this type of creep


The-Weapon-X

It's rare that they don't know what "no" means, it's more like they don't care, because they think they can pressure you into a yes. That's not ignorance, that's being an asshole.


PM_ME_UR_GRUNDLE

There is an epiphany about consent and boundaries as soon as they feel like someone crossed their own. There is understanding, just a lack of respect and empathy. Dangerous.


pandott

Sometimes even that's not enough to properly teach them. Fills me with rage whenever I read that it took having a daughter to do it. Like, it's better than nothing but holy shit. Still makes me worry about the _daughter_ at the same time.


GarbageCleric

Definitely. In many social contexts we're used to people declining without actually saying explicitly saying no. If these guys actually didn't understand the meaning of these ubiquitous types of responses, they would be unable to function in society. But they're acting like aggressive salesmen who flaunt basic social etiquette to keep you engaged until they can get that "Yes".


enternationalist

I'm going to upgrade "kinda gross" to "totally unacceptable, and effectively harassment". I already hate chuggers on the street who don't take no for answer, and they're raising money for charity as a job. It's not okay to not take no for an answer. Equally, anyone who says "no" expecting that someone else should ask again to earn a "yes' needs to re-examine their boundaries. Personally, I think if you want to stay in the running (so to speak) after getting a "no", you tell the person "I understand, if you change your mind, here's how to get in touch with me". Gives them control, shows respect, and isn't so intimidating. This applies to dating, jobs, friendships...


Konjonashipirate

It's definitely gross. Men are often taught that "persistency" will be rewarded. That needs to stop.


EmploymentAbject4019

Four sweetest words in the English language: “You wore me down” - Tom Haverford Blaaaah. Stop at no save the embarrassment.


mildpandemic

Blegh, I prefer "Fuck off and die".


SCirish843

"Step on a lego" works but might be a little harsher than dying


mildpandemic

Oh I like that…safe for work too.


Yogicabump

I wonder what the thought process of those types is. "I will succumb to your advances because you made my life so completely unbearable that I will do anything, ANYTHING to make it stop" "YAY! Just what I wanted!"


notsoinsaneguy

Tom Haverford's character did not age well. It's funny/not funny going back and re-watching Parks and Rec in 2021. While it's clear that the joke they were going for was something like "haha it's funny because he's awful", it ends up being just "holy crap this guy is awful, wtf is wrong with all these people why do they keep hanging out with him"


istasber

I had the same reaction, and was glad they eventually toned down that part of his character. I think the crazy thing about Parks and Rec is that it isn't a super old show. Like when I go back to shows I watched in my childhood in the 90s and there are problematic characters, I can think "Well, that was ~30 years ago. Attitudes change, thankfully". But Parks and Rec's only been off the air for like 5-6 years.


jej218

Imo they toned down the far out parts of all the main cast. Early P&R feels a lot more like the office in that way. That being said, Tom Haverford is for sure the most yikes character from that era of the show.


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istasber

Punch down humor and homophobia were both staples of 90s/early 00s sitcoms like Friends and Newsradio. There's an awful lot of lines/interactions that are supposed to be funny but just come off as mean spirited.


ChickWithAnAttitude

Same with Howard's character on Big Bang. So incredibly creepy, not even remotely funny.


happy_guy23

Yeah, but all of everything about BBT was absolutely terrible and misogynistic. P&R was mostly great so it's more jarring when one of the "good guys" is a creep


KFelts910

This is why I get super annoyed now when I watch Family Matters. Maybe it’s the change of the times or maybe because I’m older with more perspective. But I don’t find it endearing to watch a “nerd” constantly pursue someone not interested. The first time it dawned on me was when Urkel said “I’m wearing you down baby, I’m wearing you downnn.” Suddenly the way I’d always watched the show growing up changed and I can’t unsee it.


Luks89

I honestly didn't even find it funny the first time around. I love Parks and Rec but I've always found this character so shitty. He has a few redeeming qualities and some funny lines but most of his actions and words are that of a shitty human being.


th3cr1t1c

>Men are often taught that That's kind of it isn't it... You're not fighting off one man. You're fighting off a culture. As a minority with a disability (I'm a guy), in school I always found my friends in women, LGBTQ, low income kids, and other marginalized people. That's where I felt safe because I don't want every single interaction to be me fighting off the bigoted culture of the Bumblefuck town where I grew up and felt trapped. But there's almost nowhere you can go to, as a woman, that isn't jam packed with douchebag men... funny thing: I used to be told "Why can't you just avoid the bullies"... Uhhh, because they're fucking everywhere and they follow you around.


abhikavi

That last paragraph just hits the nail right on the head.


enternationalist

Fantastic comparison. It's not at all the same, but I identify with that image of the problem. I'm a non-drinker, and it's easy enough to avoid drinking, but the force of drinking culture is a huge annoyance and burden any time I go out. People trying to pressure me into drinking, asking why I don't drink, social events that are more or less entirely dependent on drinking. It sucks, and it doesn't stop sucking just because it's technically avoidable. Thanks for this, I now understand a little better how the overall "male" or "straight" or whatever majority culture could be so horrifically oppressive, even if you try to separate yourself from it.


th3cr1t1c

I like to drink but I took a break from it for a couple of years for health reasons... its funny how you start to notice how insanely pervasive it is. In movies, television, everything. And the way bars do those "girls night" things purposely to draw in men who know the bar will be participating in getting the women drunk... And that had been out of my mind's eye for years because my wife and I haven't been anywhere near the super-toxic bar/club scene in ages, and I am thankful for that... for her. We feel safer in each others presence.


bassicallyfunky

That’s a sales tactic, not a way to impress a woman. 😒


BKowalewski

Doesn't work as a sales tactic with anyone with half a brain either. A pushy salesman always makes me leave immediately and buy something else


Seienchin88

Doesnt work on you but works on enough people. Same goes for pushy men like the one OP met. I had such a friend in high school. Super awful human being (ashamed I overlooked that…) but he regularly took girls home and had a GF he constantly cheated on. Another guy I met as a student but always kept my distance had even more success for being even pushier. He targeted mostly American exchange students since according to him they responded much better than European girls. Pretty nasty asshole. Anyhow, I also almost took a fishy job from a pushy recruiter once… was there to sign already but last minute reconsidered. Being good at rejecting pushy persons is something society needs to teach.


BKowalewski

I guess I was lucky. My parents were serious leftists, who most definately taught me how to reject and not tolerate pushy people and to stand up for myself. Old woman now who is even less tolerant of that shit


Rinas-the-name

From a young age I was often considered “the bitchy one” because I would absolutely (verbally) beat down any guys who were being pushy, negging, or any other overbearing asshattery. Not just for myself but for friends, acquaintances, even strangers who looked like they needed rescue. Men seemed to think that had I not interfered they would have got what they wanted. It’s not a war of attrition! No means no god damnit.


UlteriorMoas

When I was younger, I went the other direction and tried to "let them down easy". Turns out, that's how you get stalkers. *Sigh* I'm much happier being a "bitch."


Hiseworns

Perseverance in the form of "keep working on yourself, keep looking for opportunities" and that kind of thing is fine. Don't stop trying overall is one thing. It does not mean "keep pestering the same person until she gives up". It's hardly a subtle difference, guys


FlayR

That's not the case at all. Name one romantic comedy involving a single women and a single guy that doesn't have the single bachelor exhibit all of the 'keep pestering the same person until she gives up" and be rewarded for it. And flicks like "PS I Love You" don't count.


Yvaelle

Yea I think this is a big part of it - and it's ancient. Before WW2 you look at how relationships are conveyed from any prior romance novel or show - you get a lot of the, "She doesn't like me, but I didn't give up" spirit. You look at the romcom movies that people grew up on in the 80's and 90's, it's all "She fucking hates me, so I became a hilariously obsessed stalker - fighting her other stalkers - to win her affection" story, time and again.


FlayR

Even further to that, look at the way any man who follows the boundaries women set out are portrayed. "I know I told him I was mad, needed space, and the last thing I wanted was to see him until I approached him... but why isn't he here and ignoring the boundaries I set out?! I thought he'd fight for me! I deserve a man that will fight for me!" You even see it in a show like Friends.


12altoids34

I had that happen once..in high achool.. my girlfriend and I were hanging out after school at the school and we got in some minor disagreement about something and she told me " Go ! JUST GO!" So I went home. Then I went out with one of my best friends and got stoned and had a good night. The next day she walks up to me at school and yells at me " where were you ?" "When?" " last night. I waited for you for 3 hours !" Now I'm really confused thinking that we could made plans to do something and I had forgotten about them "You waited for me where ?" " here ! At the school.you never came back." "You told me to leave. I left. You didn't tell me to go away and come back. I. Sorry you waited around but thats not on me." We didn't last much longer...


gecko-chan

It's true. It's not always spoken to us out loud, but it's all over the media that we're brought up on. Just like girls and women are inundated with societal cues that reinforce the 'importance' of being thin and sexy, boys and men are inundated with cues that 'the chase' will be viewed as romantic once you finally win her over. If not taught otherwise, a guy could easily get the impression that any amount of persistence, antics, and manipulation will potentially become just "a cute story you two will tell together". Some women do like to be chased, so yes, we guys do received mixed messages. But even then, if she's interested in you and you just give her some distance, then she'll usually do something to get your attention again. Either way, a woman that a guy approaches in a bar isn't trying to get him to chase her. If she says no, then it means no.


LightIsMyPath

>Some women do like to be chased Here's the thing, we're also socialised to this. You're supposed to "make him sweat it" or You're an easy girl, slutty etc...


gecko-chan

Absolutely. It's a self-reinforcing cycle.


MurmurationProject

A society in which you can’t say “yes” is a society in which you can’t say “no”.


ecp001

Even though most men have not heard "Johnny Get Angry" sung by Joanie Sommers in 1962, they all act as if it portrays a universal paradigm: refusal/rejection means try harder, alpha male.


notsoinsaneguy

If you look at the media that people grew up with, it's no surprise. It's such a common trope that men have to win over women, there are so many character arcs where a man gets rejected but then by proving himself wins the affection of someone. Obviously the real world doesn't work like this, but until somewhat recently this is basically how any romance arc in any story would unfold. Fortunately it seems like children's media is often much better written these days and doesn't seem to include this trope as much, but there's a still a lot of work to be done.


InsignificantOne13

It's sickeningly common. And when you give in they are counting on you giving in so um, don't give in.


Land-Cucumber

Less "kinda" gross; more "completely" gross.


Hiseworns

"Shoot your shot". Singular. As in one. Flirting is not like firing an assault rifle


XmissXanthropyX

Fuck I wish I could award this. Brilliant


DEADdrop_

Don’t worry I got you. Wholeheartedly agree with it.


XmissXanthropyX

Thank you! I ended up having the comment because it was fantastic


adrikklassen

I blame Hollywood for that. A lot of romantic movies are about men harassing women until they can't resist anymore.


Byizo

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No… Ok Fine. HoW rOManTiC!


stolenshortsword

wow this analogy is hilarious. 'attempts at flirting is a glock, not an AK-47' ^and ^the ^glock ^only ^has ^one ^round ^of ^ammunition


Sensational_Al

Flirting is a flintlock? A farrier pistol?


funnylookingbear

Flintlock. Definatly. Takes time to load, prime, settle your charge, and steady your aim. You only have one chance to hit and if you do, then you have the luxory of time to reload, breath a little, take stock of the situation and see if its worth letting of more valuable ammunition and black powder. If you shoot and miss, then its yer own bloody fault and you should have taken better aim. For some men, gross flirtation or pushing a contact is a loss leader. If they try it a hundred times and score a hit with one, its a win for them. Nevermind the 99 women leaving the encounter with a sour taste in their mouths. Thats not a concern fot some men. I wish it wasnt so.


Txaru

When dealing with difficult people, I use the broken record technique. Tell him the same thing, the same way, with no expression on your face, over and over. No matter what he says or asks or how he acts, do not change your answer. Give him as little as posable. He is trying to get a reaction out of you, any reaction. He trying to dominate the interaction. Do not show anger, fear, any hint of any emotion. Give him nothing, You owe him nothing. Be stubborn and be resolute, it might take some time. Stick to the plan, they will go away.


Creative_Cynic

I second this technique. Like anything else it does't work 100% of the time, but its still pretty effective.


aksuurl

Grey rock technique?


AKravr

Reminded me of that too.


Hero_Queen_of_Albion

I call this the NPC technique! Pro tip, it also works for belligerent customers for all you retail slaves out there. Source: used to be a retail slave, felt like an NPC lol


ImBonRurgundy

I used to be a retail slave until I took a barcode scanner to the knee


frognettle

I found myself doing this naturally. It works! Sometimes people just want to argue, but there's nothing to argue about with a brick wall.


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WrangledToads

This is exactly the play. They see much more quickly how insane they are acting. Nobody will talk to someone who is completely ignoring them for more than two minutes AT MOST. You just have to give them absolutely zero. No eye rolls, no muttering. It takes practice, tbh.


CronkleDonker

Broken record also works with people avoiding questions


Dazzling-Ad4701

this has worked beautifully for me as well. i used to program old dos machines. my aim was always to emulate that blinking cursor that is just waiting for you to type Y or N and won't accept anything else. no matter what other methods you try of getting reactions from it, nothing happens.


gowitdaflowx

I like this technique. If I am in public I will also use the “cause a scene” technique and embarrass the fuck out of him so that other people can also see what a creep he is.


space_moron

Yup. I always called this robot mode. Worked with my narcissistic dad (most of the time). You'll hear "what's wrong with you?!" a lot but you just got to keep repeating the same line like a robot until they finally hear it.


smartypants4all

I do this with my ex-husband. I'll talk to him completely normal until he starts taking his shit out on me and then it's Grey rock/broken record/robot mode time. Its actually pretty interesting to hear the various things they say while trying to get a reaction. Really drives home how fucked of a person they are.


ElectrotoxicFox

At that point honestly I think I would just go get the manager and say this person will not leave me alone even though I've told them several times to stop talking to me. He doesn't deserve to stick around and ruin not only your night but most definitely another girl's too. He's going to keep pushing people until he finds a girl that has a hard time saying no. Sexual assault written all over him.


_Z_E_R_O

Yup. Politely tell him you’re not interested, give him a chance to leave, and if he still doesn’t that’s when it’s time to flag down a waiter and say “This man is bothering me…”


piano_keys

That’s exactly what I said in my comment. Tell on his ass! I actually love doing this because people take it seriously and you are actually doing something about it rather than getting basically harassed with no consequence.


crazydaisyme

When I'm approached at a bar/restaurant I usually decline politely but reservedly - at first. Once my friend and I were chatting and enjoying wings and fries. A guy came to our table and starts his spiel, thinking he had game, then grabbed a French fry and slowly brought it to his mouth while looking at us. I went off on him telling him he contaminated the rest of our food while he was stealing a fry and to get lost. He got shocked and pissed off, but he did leave. HE TOUCHED MY FRIES! He's lucky I didn't jab his hand with a fork, you DO NOT mess with a woman's fries!!


esnekonezinu

What the fuck?! Even if I had been interested in the dude - the second he touches the food without permission, he can fuck so far off. You don’t do that. Why would he think it’s a good idea to do that?!


_My_Angry_Account_

I would have reported it loudly to everyone in the restaurant that he just dirtied my food and that he needed to buy me new food then get the fuck out or I'm calling the cops. Not that the cops would do anything about it but you might get a new plate of food and the asshat will get banned from the restaurant. Don't fuck with other peoples food!


Steel_Town

I have, myself, LOUDLY protested when a man tries this shit. That actually does work, too. He doesn't like everyone turning to stare at his tomfoolery. One time, on the dance floor, a guy took it upon himself to grab my ass. I immediately turned, and shoved him away. He ended up sliding across the floor on his ass. His buddies got a kick out of it, and I heard things like "She told you!" and "Serves you right!" I will forever be proud of that moment, and I would do it again.


cynplaycity

I did a similar thing when a man in a crowded space in New Orleans thought it was okay to grab my ass. I turned around and grabbed his ass-I saw the man who did it and he was still looking at me proudly after his groping-and he’s like “wtf is wrong with you bitch.” I said “oh YOU don’t like being grabbed eh? You fucking piece of shit go fuck your self”


Amidormi

Right, I would have slapped his hand probably without even thinking about it first. Geez


throwingwater14

With the fork. stab that hand.


tinypurplepotato

Was about to type that. No one but me touches my food, I will fuck you up


AbortionFixsMistakes

It was about violating your boundaries


Dazzling-Ad4701

apart from how hard i'm laughing at his idea of what would look 'sexy' to you . . . fucking hell.


Plus-Kaleidoscope900

LMAO I unfortunately believe he was trying to Cher Horowitz you but instead he just wrecked your fries.


tomboyfancy

I just don't understand why a simple no is not enough. I'm a bisexual woman. I have asked out women and been rejected plenty of times. And it wasn't weird or uncomfortable. I expressed interest, they did not reciprocate, and guess what? I accepted their response! In some cases we became friends and kept hanging out with zero awkwardness. I still think they're beautiful, but it doesn't make me unable to be around them in a non romantic capacity AT ALL. I agree with OP...Shoot your shot, give it a try. But ffs, respect the human being in front of you enough to accept their choice!


ActonofMAM

Some men seem to hunt for, er, female contact with the same devotion that zombies feel for brains. And weirdly, some of them also seem to think that's an attractive trait to the women.


Grieie

So now I’m picturing some dudes, arms out straight, slowly staggering around a bar going “vagggggiiiinnnnaaaa”


RedCascadian

Like those guys eat vagina.


Grieie

Ok, that was awesome


RedCascadian

Thank you, I'm here all week!


whyliepornaccount

I just spit my coffee out laughing. Good work


RedCascadian

Mission accomplished 🥸


Realia

I'm upset I can't upvote you more than once.


Sweedish_Fid

I did it for you. :)


Gorillaman1991

It's a thing that needs to end, but if you go back and watch rom coms and TV shows from the early 2000s and before, being a total creep and borderline stalker is apparently how you "get" women. Of course, irl the behavior is incredibly creepy and threatening, but It doesn't suprise me that many guys act this way. Of course, actually following through with this behavior in real life is pretty insane to me, like I can't believe the guy isn't getting negative vibes from someone who is clearly disinterested. To push through that is a little nuts to me


coolbuttbro

For real, it is such a thing in media. Anytime I hear/see guys acting like this and just the whole chase and pushiness thing, I think of Adam Sandler


SaffronBurke

I used to know a guy, who when the idea of having standards was discussed, said that he only has two: "has a vagina and can fog a mirror" 🤢 Dude. Please. Have actual standards, that level of desperation is repulsive.


Dazzling-Ad4701

that's not desperation. it is contempt.


DollopOfLazy

To add on, it seems like most men only develop close relationships with women because they hope that they'll eventually be able to get into her pants. I know I'm not the only woman that's been "fuck-zoned." I don't know any lady that hasn't been. And it fucking hurts. Imagine having a close emotional bond to someone who only saw value in the fact that you had a vagina.


sfcnmone

I just keep thinking: if he's this uncaring and insensitive to your feelings, why does he think you would want to ever go to bed with him?


_My_Angry_Account_

Narcissism. He doesn't actually care about OP or her feelings. He just wants a win.


dal_Helyg

Men need to understand "No thank you." is a complete position statement. We've all run into this kind of guy. I just turn my back on them after the second "No thank you." As long as I don't respond, they rarely last more than 2 - 3 minutes. It's an annoying few minutes though.


Antique_Damage_9520

I just never understand these guys because I’ve never known a single woman who’s said “no thank you” and then was eventually CONVINCED by the guy to go out with them! I mean, maybe it happens, but I haven’t seen it.


dal_Helyg

But he worked so hard to train the dog to put its head in your lap. I admire the creativity, but the execution leaves a lot to be desired. Like most of these approaches, they're just so annoying.


Antique_Damage_9520

Oh, and the bartender (a woman) also came up to us after he left and said she was his friend, apologized for him, and said he’s “really a nice guy when you get to know him.” I told her I understood her intentions were good, but maybe she should relay to her friend that no means no.


blbd

Sounds like the bartender was a proximate cause of the bad behavior he was getting away with in that bar and customers should avoid doing business with them if that's the sort of conduct they allow there.


MourkaCat

Man I hate that bullshit of "Once you get to know them" Seriously fuck off with that. I don't OWE him that, and if he hasn't interested me in the first impression then he needs to leave. Nice "once I get to know him" or not. And if your personality sucks so bad you have to beg and nag people just to 'get to know you' you're not actually that nice. Like that's like saying "The food doesn't taste that bad once you get used to it" if you send back a dish to the kitchen because it's cooked badly. Like no. Take it back.


fotomoose

That's like someone saying you should keep watching a TV show you hate cos it get's better in season 2.


ninyabruja

They understand but they don't care.


dal_Helyg

What is more important than what they want, right? /s


OkBoomerJesus

Deadass stare at him and tell him "i am not interested in you sexually. And your social abilities fall below my standards. Learn to listen to others and try to be less creepy."


IdentifiableBurden

I know some guys (and probably myself when I was younger tbh) that would just flip this around into hounding you for advice instead. Or be fascinated by the fact that you articulated their deficiency and see your display of intelligence as a turn on. We're awful.


SoontobeSam

At least the lesbian line worked... I am one and it frequently just leads to the whole "you just haven't had the right dick yet" approach. Like seriously, wtf guys, why would anyone ever think that approach works.


my-coffee-needs-me

The best answer to "You haven't had the right dick yet" is "Neither have you."


SoontobeSam

Depending on the setting and mood I've given "nah, but my girlfriend loves mine". Again settings important, I'm not looking to get myself murdered.


Crinklytoes

I tried the "I'm a Lesbian" tactic once, the response was to ask if he could join. Huge tactile FAIL on my part ...


SoontobeSam

Yeah... You'd think it'd be a pretty foolproof "I'm not interested, you have no chance." That makes the failure not a personal affront like men tend to assume any rebuttal is, but nope. If porn has taught them anything it's that lesbians are only into each other til a dick enters the scene.


Dazzling-Ad4701

a lot of men do think lesbianism only exists to make life more exciting for them. seriously.


coreopsidaisies

Has informing the dude that then obviously he's only straight because he also hasn't 'met the right dick yet' ever been useful?


treesandraves

I went on a trip because I had time off recently. I went by myself but I chose well populated and safe hikes and places to go for safety. I went to a brewery and a guy at another table of 6 or so noticed me. He kept trying to get my attention but I avoided it for awhile until I accidentally made eye contact with a joint he had (legal in Canada). At first I thought this was one of those cringe moments you think back on but now I think it was a #niceguy moment. So I am a 5'2 ish woman by herself in what is essentially a bar. He slides into the seat opposite me and shoots his shot. I'm not interested, I was just enjoying my dinner and drinks but I am polite because he seems nice enough. Then he asks me where I am staying (I assume to "walk me home" and its a small tourist town so prob not from there) and I immediately ask why he wants to know. He gets a little pushy but I say something like "don't ask a woman by herself where she is staying, it is kind of creepy ha ha." This guy got SO offended. Went on a rant about how he has never been accused of being creepy in his life, its not a weird question blahblahblah. I said "women have to be careful about this stuff. People do get murdered ykno." And then this set off another rant about how this is Canada and safe and how dare I suggest he could murder me etc. He eventually decided I was too rigid to take home or something so he went back to his own table and gave me annoyed looks until I left. I took the long way back to make sure he didn't follow me. Just in case.


XenaTakeTheWheel

Totally understand straight women saying they're gay in this situation but as a lesbian I avoid saying it because it can make the situation worse. I usually say I have a boyfriend and try not to look too disgusted but it feels gross :/ You really can't win. . .


SaffronBurke

Yep, nobody drops it when I say I'm a lesbian. Either they straight up don't believe me, or they think that their dick is just so magical that I'll change my mind. I've had some dude randomly approach me at the bus station, and refuse to believe my matter-of-fact "I'm a lesbian" and kept pushing the matter. I stood up from the bench and stomped off further down the platform, with a bunch of people between us. I was in absolute agony because of a weird infection at the moment, and just didn't have the energy to fucking deal with that. Also, read your context clues, dude. It's 86F and I'm wearing long sleeves, long pants, and workboots. I'm probably gay.


Dazzling-Ad4701

someone close to me says she gave up that ploy once she realised how many men just see it as some kind of 'threesome!' jackpot.


SaffronBurke

Yep, some dudes just aren't capable of seeing us as people, they see us as a source of pussy, and to them, any form of rejection is just a puzzle on how to unlock the pussy.


tinypurplepotato

Dead on. I think I claimed to be a lesbian twice, neither time worked because, "my dick can change/fix you." Long before I was with husband I would wear a plain silver band on my left hand, whenever a man would badger me I'd brush the hair from my face with my left hand. The amount of men stumbling over themselves to apologize because I was "married" was astounding, so many pushy men respect some dude they've never met more that the woman they're speaking to. Pro-tip: I've found that wearing the wedding ring without without my engagement ring is less effective than only wearing my engagement ring. More men leave me be when I'm only wearing the engagement ring than if I have no ring or if I'm wearing my wedding band. Do with that terrible piece of information what you will.


OpinionatedNonsense

I started doing this at work when I was a cashier. It's sad but it helped a lot.


MakeitM

Or my personal favourite: when I'm on a date with my girlfriend and mouthbreather thinks this is finally his chance to have a threesome.


XenaTakeTheWheel

Ah yes the classic. My personal favourite was a group who were openly staring and then just started taking pictures (of nothing, literally just sitting next to each other trying to finish our food and leave but they saw we were holding hands when we walked in -_- )


MourkaCat

And on the flip side saying I have a boyfriend (Which I actually do) often doesn't deter them either. They don't care, "i don't see a ring" "Is he here right now?" etc, or even "what does he have to offer you that I don't" (ALL lines I've been fed by creeps.) They all seem to think their dick is God's gift to women, no matter their sexual orientation or status. Maybe I need to start telling them I've got a dick...??? Completely scare them off with their own homophobia/transphobia? (Except of course I'd be risking all new kinds of violence possibly if they took me seriously.)


LWrayBay

Sorry you had to go through this, I've never understood this mentality whereby someone would want to be with someone who didn't reciprocate those feelings. I've had friends who've said, "she's just playing hard to get". Really? Tell me what are the differences then between a woman who is "playing hard to get" and a woman who is giving you the cold shoulder because they are genuinely disinterested? I'm starting to think that there is a larger contingency of men when with this mentality than I ever thought, and it makes the rest of us - who pick up on normal social cues - look bad.


Antique_Damage_9520

I think there’s a lot to the “if they’re into it, you’ll know” mindset. Sure, shy women exist, but honestly if there’s a question, you should probably take the hint. You’ve indicated your interest; if the other person wants to reciprocate, let them! Yeah, I know a lot of perfectly decent dudes who are afraid to approach women because they’re afraid of looking like, well, this guy. People like this guy ruin it for everyone.


chocolatekitkat14

I'm one of those shy women. I would still rather a dude leave me alone if I get too anxious to outwardly accept his advances even if I want to vs pressuring me.


TinyFriend

Or when you say you've got a partner and then he starts asking 'well are they here? Where are they then'? Like we need them present in order for the guy to not have a shot. FFS, that isn't "confidence" it's creepy, rude, arrogant and predatory.


Antique_Damage_9520

Exactly — “he’s not here with you? You deserve better” or “you feel like cheating on him?”


PM_ME_YO_KNITTING

I grew up in a town near a military base and those guys were the absolute worst for this. If your boyfriend wasn’t there, it was “Well where is he? Doesn’t he worry about you being out all on your own? Anything could happen, wink wink.” Or if he was there they’d insult him and try to start a fight. Once I was walking downtown with my boyfriend and a group of marines in the back of a pick up truck started cat calling me. One of them screamed, “Hey baby, why don’t you ditch that zero and get with a hero?” It was so fucking obnoxious. Nothing about that is attractive.


_My_Angry_Account_

Get the license plate number and report them to their base for sexual harassment. Military doesn't like getting complaints from the public about soldier behavior.


rubywpnmaster

Had a friend post something about her dog on an app called whisper, which allows people to anonymously post questions and talk about shit in a geographical area. She sends me screenshots sometimes of the “best” comments and the “r u single” and “why u post if u not looking 4 good time” show up repeatedly regardless of the topic. Apparently women talking is an invitation to fucktown for a lot of men.


InsignificantOne13

According to a former counselor of mine, giving them any attention if often an invite so I guess it's back to resting bitch face forever.


SaffronBurke

Or "well, I don't care", as if the only thing stopping me from cheating was that the dude hitting on me might be bothered by it, and not the fact that.... I don't want to fucking cheat on my partner, and am absolutely not interested in the random dude on the bus who's trying to get into my pants.


Lady-Jenna

I knew the guy was a creep when he let his dogs wander around a bar off leash.


Steel_Town

I cannot tell people enough how politely declining advances DOES NOT WORK. People always ask "why didn't you just tell him you weren't interested?" Because A.) OP's post is reason number one, or B.) the guy calls me terrible names and insults me because of being rejected, or C.) the guy waits outside to accost me again once I am out of the club, or D.) the guy genuinely accepts defeat (RARE AF). I've resorted to being just plain mean. It is THE ONLY WAY to avoid situations like this 100%. I also have to add in asking someone to escort me out to my car when I leave, notifying the bartenders/waiters about said person and telling them I am fearful, and leaving with an extremely watchful eye, from somewhere other than the location. It is THAT BAD.


Land-Cucumber

r/whenwomenrefuse.


momofeveryone5

I'm going from "I can't believe we have a sub for this! They're really is a sub for everything!" And "Holy fuck there's a sub for this and I cannot believe this shit is still going"


Land-Cucumber

Yep :/


Steel_Town

Damn. I didn't know about that sub.


Land-Cucumber

I wish I didn't know it because I wish there was no need for it to exist in the first place.


ObsidianEther

This happens at work a lot even though I'm currently very obviously pregnant. It's gone down some but not a lot *and* my rings are in plain view. I respond with a simple "No" as I'm often just asked for my number or social page. When they ask why not? "Because I said no." It helps that I'm in a position that allows me to just walk away.


ftf9417

This is far beyond shooting one's shot. He did not care about your feelings or comfort.


karenw

I used to be super codependent and didn't stick up for myself. Through therapy (and maybe just getting older) I've learned a lot about conflict and confrontation. There's one guy locally who has an axe to grind with me FOUR YEARS after something went down (totally his fault). I've ignored him and/or left the area many times, but I'm at the point that I'm ready to say "LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE" the next time it happens. I'm not allowing someone else's bad behavior to ruin my night anymore. Fuck that.


Minkiemink

The last time this happened after firmly saying no multiple times. I stood up and practically screamed: What about leave us the FUCK alone do you NOT understand?! That got the bartender and the bouncer over stat. Asshole was 86'd. I'm 65 years old. I stopped being polite or making up lies to stop that shit many many years ago....and yes. it still happens. Even at my age. UGH.


MadamRorschach

Guy came up to me while I was playing pool. He had been LEERING at my friend and I. I saw him grab his junk at one point. No… not grab… he rubbed it. So when he inevitably came over to be gross I straight up yelled “get the fuck away from me!!” He left me alone, but tattled to the bartender. She came and asked us if we wanted more beer. I’m 4’10” so I think I scared/surprised half the hall with how loud I was. Funny thing, another guy came up and asked if we wanted to go to another bar or whatever and I politely declined. He left me alone. Definitely shoot your shot, but don’t be gross, and listen to our no.


lunemereresident

this is why im thankful my mom is the loudmouth mom friend who taught me to literally yell in their faces if they wont take no for an answer. “i already told you to fuck off bozo, leave before security or management is called on you.”


amphibious-dolphin

Yikes. It shouldn’t take 10 times of saying no to get someone to stop. Read the room!


InsignificantOne13

Read my fucking face, would be more like it lol. I'm not smiling so fuck off, eh?


ss10t

What kind of asshole lets their dogs offleash in a public place that isn’t the dog park? That says a lot about his personality


LoxoscelesR

From the description, I feel like it may be a tactic. Train your dogs to be super friendly to ladies, use it as an excuse to talk to them. But perhaps I'm just feeling pessimistic. Could just be like many dog owners I've seen and just wildly irresponsible.


jenso29

What if we looked at them and said, “The Matriarchy does not allow this type of behavior from you.” Let’s just stop being actors in their play.


Frantic_Mantid

Having off-leash dogs in public (not at a dog park) is a big red flag, shows he doesn't care about public health or laws or really other people. If it happens to be some sort of officially off-leash-dog-allowed brewery never mind. But on the face of it this asshole's opening move is "I don't give a fuck about your personal space my dog is more important than you".


AceofToons

Jeez I really don't get it, like at one point does "I am not interested" sound like "I might be interested if you keep disrespecting me and pushing, and ignoring my requests. That's so hot!" ?!?! It makes no fucking sense to me


Fortherealtalk

I hate this shit so much. Sometimes you’re just a human being who isn’t interested in another human being. Some dudes seem to take it as a measure of their own quality, or even a personal insult if a woman simply isn’t interested in them. Like…you know that it’s okay if you’re just…not someone’s cup of tea. But all the toxic bullshit seems to teach some men that a woman is an achievement and if they are rejected by any woman it’s some kind of stain on their character or something. It’s entirely asinine and it’s very frustrating to be used as part of Harry Potter and the Audacity of That Bullshit


EpikUserzz

Wither you broke your rule or not he would have been a creep there’s zero blame on u, it’s only on him for being a creepy weirdo


vaniwazhere

His fragile ego was punctured when you rejected him.


SweetPeaRiaing

I’m surprised that line worked, I am a lesbian and try to avoid telling men that because it’s always followed with bullshit.


Steel_Town

Yep, not a lesbian, but I've seen it. Telling them you are a lesbian invites a whole new set of issues. "Oh yeah? Let's see you two kiss!" or "You just haven't had a real man!" PFFFFT.


fernshanks

> “I’ve tried to be polite, but this is frankly getting frustrating. I’m not interested at all, please leave us alone.” I’m not smiling, not laughing. He STILL KEEPS PUSHING. This is the point where I think I would have gone to the bar and told the bartender that this man is harrassing me and that I'm starting to grow concerned for my safety as he's not leaving me alone.


janglebo36

If that’s how pushy he is in the first interaction….. Dodged a bullet there my friend


piano_keys

Yeah… so that’s annoying. I work at a bar and that owner in particular would shut that down immediately. Next time tell the bar staff on his ass. Yes it sucks you have to do this, but alas. I have hope that there are good people who don’t tolerate that type of harassment coming from my experience :) Especially in potentially dangerous places like bars. And if that dude frequents the place the staff can be aware he’s potentially dangerous or at least going to annoy other women.


Magic8Ballalala

Female bartender was his buddy and apologized for him afterwards and said he wasn’t a bad guy when you got to know him. So obviously the staff is not going to protect anybody in that bar.


Saassy11

Once I had to actually threaten violence to a man at a bar. I yelled out “I will Fing cut you” because the situation escalated into him thinking showing me a dick pic on his phone was appropriate. Fun part was, I was WITH MY HUSBAND. He didn’t believe me, so bam - out came the pic…like THAT was going to convince me. Men are wild.


teejmonster

This dude sounds like walking sexual assault.


MsChrissi

Despicable for how he treated both of you AND having an unleashed dog in public.


InsignificantOne13

It's not wrong to lie when you're trying to save yourself some extra grief. Men like that don't take no for an answer and he pretty much showed you that right from start. Just take this as a lesson. I'm sure it's not you feeling bad to lie and just wish you could be honest but unfortunately it doesn't work on everyone. Be observant and watch for patterns and eventually the right response will become natural and reflexive.


sigdiff

I had to do the "I'm lesbian" line once when I was out with my sister! It was very awkward when I had to actually put my arm around her and say "Come on honey we're leaving." I swear, the shit we go through.


catsasss

First clue he was an arsehole was having two dogs off leash in a business establishment.


Positivistdino

Pushiness is instant turn-off.


JordanOsr

>The guy in the table next to ours had a couple of big dogs off-leash who kept coming over to us. I guess I made the mistake of petting one when he literally put his head in my lap, and his owner decided that was an invitation to come and hit on us. >He asks if he can test out a pickup line on us. This **screams** PUA bullshit


MathPerson

This male behavior is exactly why some men cannot understand WHY they are charged with rape: **They have not learned, and maybe can NEVER learn "*****NO means NO!*****"**


CanidaeVulpini

I find "you are harassing me" as an effective tool, might be useful for you.


__Kaari__

Yea, and that's the reason why a lot of times when a man tries to talk (not even flirt or what) with a woman, he's met with super cold stares and agressive responses. Because what would you do, if you're a woman, and this happens constantly, you would just become super rude, and that's totally understandable. Really screw all these invasive and stupid guys. Honestly, I am now trying to interject when I see something like this and just tell to the guy "Hey, she's not interested, you're disrupting me as well, just leave her alone please.". But I don't know sometimes I'm thinking it would be invasive as well embarrassing for the woman, apart from the fact that she could also feel "why do I need another man to get rid of that one", so I don't do it... Pretty hard as a man to be helping a woman which has a problem with another man, without being patronizing...


darkwingdibbs88

You can’t ignore him because he won’t leave. You can’t be rude to him because he’ll call you a bitch. You can’t tell him his looks and personality are a turn-off or he’s “not my type” because he could get offended and go on a “nice guy” rant. You can’t express your anger and call him names or…god knows what he could do to you physically. So you be as polite as possible and just tell him no…and of course that doesn’t fucking work either. I’m sorry you had to deal with this, actually I’m sorry you *have to* deal with this. No one should have to justify their lack of interest or make up covers.