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Trinidad & Tobagao Has Confirmed They Have No Record of Nicki Minaj's Cousin's Friend's Swollen Balls

Trinidad & Tobagao Has Confirmed They Have No Record of Nicki Minaj's Cousin's Friend's Swollen Balls

Angie_114

What a title!


suburban_hyena

r/nottheonion


Falcrist

This headline is absolutely 100% /r/nottheonion material. It ranks pretty highly on the list of headlines I didn't think I'd ever read.


oldcreaker

*Dark Helmet: I am your father’s brother’s nephew’s cousin’s former roommate.* *Lone Star: So what does that make us?* *Dark Helmet: Absolutely nothing.*


Frunnik469

A dark helmet? Is that another side-effect?


PseudorandomNoise

In an of itself, it's nothing to worry about. However you should immediately seek medical attention if you find yourself surrounded by assholes.


NaughtyCheffie

WE AIN'T FOUND SHIT!!


eairy

Thanks Tuvok.


the_blackfish

YO!


thedude37

I knew it, I'm surrounded by Assholes. Keep firing, Assholes!


duadhe_mahdi-in

It's about as likely as your Schwartz going limp...


FamilyJewels85

Trinidad and Tobago: We ain't found shit!


tapsongbong

We’ve gone far past ludicrous speed


Santa_Hates_You

No sir! i didn’t see you playing with your dolls again!


spaceballsrules

I see your Schwartz is as big as mine!


Allhailthepugofdoom

I knew it, I'm surrounded by assholes...


ststeveg

Go past that scene. In fact, never show me that scene again!


BoaHancock01

LOVE that movie. *Spaceballs the Flamethrower!*


futurehobo300

The kids love it


reggiecide

"Just wait, you guys, 2021's gonna be so much better!"


1Eternallylost

It'll have electrolytes.


BoltonSauce

ITS WHAT PLANTS CRAVE


TeamRedundancyTeam

The fuck kind of titles are we gonna have in '22?


hazeldazeI

It’s worked out really good for her though, hardly anyone is talking about her husband being a sex offender anymore.


slim_scsi

I read about her husband being a sex offender in every single Minaj comment thread this week. Think that scheme has backfired on her.


Muzzledpet

This is how I found out her husband is a sex offender, so I appreciate her cousin's friend's fake swollen balls for this reason


Berkinstockz

I can’t believe how well her pr team played this


TwoBirdsEnter

It’s my new favorite curse. *stubs toe* “Ow! Nicki Minaj’s cousin’s friend’s swollen balls!”


GershBinglander

"For the love of Nikki Minage's Cousin's Friend's Swollen Balls, I told you to pick up that lego an hour ago!"


early_birdy

What a time to be alive!


PikaAbeille

r/brandnewsentence r/nottheonion


iamoverrated

What a mouthful!


SauceQue

She has to distract everyone from knowing about her husband raping a 16 year old and how they both harassed the girl to drop charges. It seems to be working.


violetsandviolas

Joke’s on her. I didn’t even know about her husband before this nonsense hit the news.


ryguygoesawry

I had no idea until this very comment chain.


LePoopsmith

I... don't know about any of this Nicki Minaj stuff and now I think it's too late to ask.


probably-fake-news

I am literally in the dark on 100% of this brother


wellherewegofolks

speaking of her brother, he’s *also* a pedophile she defended


WampaJr

Same, but now that know I’ll be sure to spread it.


snsv

Streisand effect now known as swollen balls effect


TwoBionicknees

PS, that dude did 7 years in jail for a fucking murder. Murderer and rapist.


sammysummer

Her brother is also a rapist pedophile.


AVerySpecialAsshole

That’s exactly what she’s doing, she is changing teams


Gaflonzelschmerno

The ol' Candace Owens


superman853

Every title about her should start with, “To distract the public from her husband raping a 16 year, Nikki now has said “


AdorableTumbleweed60

Sort of like the rapist Brock Turner?


JonBenet_BeanieBaby

Exactly like Brock Turner the rapist!


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MSeanF

Just needs Huey narrating all the nonsense.


TheBirminghamBear

What's most interesting is that she's citing someone else's *swollen testicles* as the reason she doesn't want the vaccine. Can someone alert her to the fact that, aside from that being an imagined symptom, it's also not one she personally would have to worry about.


TheOneTonWanton

Maybe she thinks it'll fuck up her ladygrapes. Either way it's dumb.


amandapandab

Several of my coworkers think it’ll affect fertility. I genuinely don’t know where they got this, so I just don’t know what to say.


faesmooched

Being dead or disabled is worse for fertility.


account_not_valid

Not true! You could have your dead body composted, that would increase soil fertility.


Xy13

Ironically, Covid, and Ivermectin even moreso, have both been shows to affect fertility, and the vaccines, have not.


gayfrogscientologist

One of my *distant* relatives wont take it because she's worried about fertility concerns. She's had a hysterectomy... No really, I'm being serious.


beautifulsouth00

I'm wondering what they've heard about kids' fertility if they CATCH the coronavirus. Like with rheumatic fever, is there a risk of cardiac damage and murmurs, sudden death in young adulthood from undiagnosed cardiomyopathies? Or is there a possible risk for neurological or hematologic abnormalities? Like are females who have had covid more at risk of developing blood clots and therefore should avoid oral contraceptives, but we won't know that until they start having massive strokes at 19 and have to be spoon fed for the rest of their lives due to the paralysis? The problems that adults have are one thing. The thing about viruses that are insidious are the invisible complications they leave to strike at a later date. Think Zika virus and the women who gave birth to children with, what was it, craniomegaly? Microcephaly? Skull atresias? I forget what the actual diagnosis was but malformed brains and skulls in their fetuses that were fatal in most instances. That was when women who were pregnant became infected with Zika. I'm not afraid by any stretch of the imagination. I AM concerned for the health of the children who caught and recovered from covid. And THEIR children. If there's some huge health problems common among them later in life, we may not know for a decade or two. That's more worrisome to me than threatened fertility. Threat to current life trumps threat to theoretical life in my book. But that's a can of worms I shouldn't open.


Nosebrow

And Mumps which has been proven to cause male infertility.


beautifulsouth00

Yeah there's tons of examples, but I'm already wordy as fuck and my microbiology/epidemiology/other pre-reqs for nursing school were in the 90's. I forgot a lot of the "historical" stuff. Since we have vaccinations, that it caused infertility was probably not as emphesized. No ones gonna NOT get vaccinated, right?!?! Lol


Nosebrow

Well that's the big issue. Younger generations don't remember these things. I remember queuing for the Polio vaccine when I was four years old and we were all excited to be getting it. I had measles, german measles and chicken pox. Some people didn't recover and it was scary. I asked some teenagers I knew to stop spitting a few years ago and had to explain TB to them because they didn't understand why they shouldn't. It's a problem of complacency really.


eggtasticness

I had a friend who would play games with me. One late night we were talking about her job at a surgery clinic. I was saying how I couldn't wait to be vaccinated so hopefully life could get better and I wouldn't be stuck in the house. She started spouting off some infertility nonsense and I laughed into my headset "you don't actually believe that do you?" She hasn't been on (from what I can see) and she hasn't said a single word to me since then. While I know obviously it's fine that we no longer talk if she is into conspiracy stuff and not about obtaining actual facts, it's hard to find other girls to play online with.


reebellious

I remember reading an article that was recommended on twitter about women complaining about their periods after getting the jab which then made me realise that my periods were abnormally painful this month vs any other time while other women complained about the cycle being messed up. The article also stated that the effect of vaccines on menstrual cycles weren't studied but I still don't think that's a good enough reason to not vaccinate.


Wiseduck5

Honestly, I think someone misunderstood what sterilizing immunity meant.


pack_of_macs

A history of research that ignores women. See: crash testing of vehicles.


Substantial_Fail

it has to be a distraction from her husband’s sex offender registry, right?


Sinthe741

I got downvoted for saying this in the conspiracy sub, she's their new mascot.


Gaflonzelschmerno

They can have her, tho I thought they hated pedophiles and enablers?


HavocReigns

That depends entirely on who best aligns with the conspiracy of the week.


Sinthe741

Probably for the same reason they're up Clinton and Biden's asses, but not Trump's.


TooOldForThis---

I followed an anti vaxxer there recently and was amazed by the faith those folks have in the most outlandish sources. And you see the same usernames come up in threads on so many different conspiracy theories. I mean, I can see how something could lead an otherwise reasonable person to maybe believe that Marilyn Monroe could have been murdered by Joe Kennedy, Sr but they seem to be equal opportunity nut jobs over there and believe them all. It is so bizarre.


Sinthe741

It's insane. The post I was on was of supposed CNN journalists harassing Minaj's family in Trinidad. Only, none of them were from CNN. Also, everyone just believed in the provenance of the posted screenshots - people who questioned them got dogpiled.


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Jetionary

The anti vaccine statements being released right as that news story about her husband dropped is not a coincidence


littleoysterz

not even a tiny bit, her husband will not be able to drop their child off at school


LostWoodsInTheField

And yet I probably wouldn't have known about her husband if it hadn't been for the COVID comments.


GhostofMarat

The only say the stuff about celebrities staying out of politics because most celebrities don't agree with them. The second they find one token celebrity on their side then tout them constantly.


mrjonesv2

Rumor has it Aaron Mcgruder (or however you spell it) is coming back and they’re doing another season!


currybeef

Holy shit that’s great! It won’t be the same without Grandad tho.


TheProdigalMaverick

Not a rumour - was supposed to drop Q4 this year but delayed to '22 due to Covid.


Prysorra2

Nicki fcking Minaj just alerted the whole world this one guy has the clap. What’s next, Lady Gaga announcing someone random bloke has herpes?


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aipom45

People guess it's because her husband is a rapist who just moved to avoid prison and doxxed the victim. She is just trying to move the attention away from him.


heizzzman

Don’t forget her brother!


RhapsodyInRude

Stop the planet. I want to get off.


DragonSided-D

No! *We’re* not the ones who should have to vacate the mothership.


cringycalf

Can we just throw away these useless celebrities who contribute nothing to progress society.


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Why stop at the celebrities


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milfordcubicle

Climate change is going to ravage humanity.


Netprincess

It has gotten pretty much insane hasn't it?


uneducatedexpert

13.8 billion years to get this far and you want us to stop now?


Jayer244

Don't make me turn this planet around and drive home! I will do it!


Now_Wait-4-Last_Year

Aren't we mostly just going in circles, though?


porcupineapplepieces

Well technically if we were to suddenly stop the planet we’d all go flying off it.


X7R3M0

Did he stutter


ElectionAssistance

Eh, a majority would. The others would be smooshed into the ground really fucking hard.


Simmery

*You have a friend request from u/ElonMusk*


calstanfordboy

Just stop giving fucking idiots like Nicki Minaj money. Stop listening to her crap music. When she is poor and not famous no one will listen to her.


p0rty-Boi

Can we get back to discussing her sex offender husband, please.


secretmacaroni

Don't forget the pedophile brother


apollo11341

Don’t forget her continual pedophile music collabs


faesmooched

not gonna lie collabing with only sex offenders for like, a year, then doing the J'Accuse thing, would own really hard.


8Ariadnesthread8

My first instinct was to defend her because I have a criminal relative and it's hard. But what I DID NOT do was write the court asking for leniency. I let justice happen because unfortunately she was guilty as hell and ruined people's lives. So fuck Nikki for trying to help him get back out on the streets. What he did was so terrible I cannot understand what the fuck she was thinking. If that was my brother I would be relieved he was in prison.


rythmicbread

Oh shit this ones new to me


TwoBionicknees

Murderer, he murdered someone and did time for it. People keep missing that as it's older news. He took a gun, drove to a guys place and shot him three times, he was id'd by the victim before he died. He did 7 years in jail as they plead down to manslaughter despite it being obviously murder (and that was the original charge). He's a convicted murderer who is also a rapist. Her brother is a rapist and she is paying to defend, her and her murdering rapist husband also intimidated the (I'm a little unclear, the woman who was raped or a witness to it). Absolute scumbags.


EpicLegendX

If she didn’t say some dumb shit I bet there’d be less people aware of this.


DeadPrecedentt

Anecdotally, I didn’t know anything about it until she said this dumb shit and everyone was pointing out how it was a diversion. Bad move if that’s what she was going for.


EpicLegendX

I'm in the same boat. Streisand Effect in full swing.


MonsterMike42

Somewhat amusingly, I only know about her husband and brother being sex offenders because she had to open her mouth, getting people to talk about her, and how her husband and brother are rapists. Hello, Streisand Effect.


Malevolance1934

This should be the top comment. Not enough people know about it.


SuperGoliath

With awesome details like that, seems like we're gonna go on not knowing.


tacticalcraptical

I mean, I didn't really even know anything about her other than she was some musician until this whole thing came up. I still know nothing about her music but I now know all about her husband and brother sex offender and her nonsensical anti-vaccination statement.


cmurph666

Do tell.


King-Mugs

He offended sexually


JimNasium123

Exactly! She posted this stupid bullshit as a distraction and everyone fell for it line and sinker


bamkribby

It's all just a smoke screen, she is trying to keep media attention away from her husband who is facing jail time for not registering as a sexoffender


pinche_Mari

I cannot get over her procreating with a known sex offender


Worth-Enthusiasm-161

Think about all her fans that doesn’t take the vaccine because they believe her. No one is forcing her to get vaccinated, but she could have said she is afraid of needles or something instead of making up fake stories.


beam3475

She’s doing this to deflect from all the bad press she’s receiving related to her husband’s and brother’s sexual assault/molestation allegations. It also gets a bunch of antivax nuts on the internet on her side. It’s a social media play. She might very well be vaccinated.


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Now_Wait-4-Last_Year

> They’ll grasp at anything. Even at this guy's allegedly swollen balls, apparently.


robbiekhan

Tucker loves swolen balls.


Abitconfusde

So did Colbert. I'd rather watch the Colbert interview. Edit: thanks for the image of Tucker Carlson grasping for gonorrhea-swollen balls, though. *barf* *gag*


DDancy

Colbert wants to interview the balls. Not the cousin’s friend.


pikindaguy

I literally only heard about the husband/brother because of this stuff.


SonofaBridge

Streisand effect. Not sure if it 100% applies but it’s similar.


thepoopiestofbutts

Pretty sure that I read that she is vaccinated; required to tour or something. I may edit with source after I get off the toilet Edit: >She tweeted she would get vaccinated by the time she goes on tour next, presumably due to insurance costs spiking to cover an unvaccinated performer. But that was before the whole balls thing, so… -fatwolf4 I still think she got the jab but I'm not going to look into the matter further; this one's like giving birth


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She tweeted she would get vaccinated by the time she goes on tour next, presumably due to insurance costs spiking to cover an unvaccinated performer. But that was before the whole balls thing, so…


The_Rowan

Cause a Twitter frenzy to distract from much worse headlines about you and your family. It is Trump’s playbook


Cleaver2000

The Caribbean, in general, has been very anti-vaxx so this story just reinforced many of their beliefs. A retraction or proof to the contrary doesn't matter. Social media spread disinformation is even more potent in that region. It is going to result in a lot of people dying and its just beginning for many of the islands.


QueenWeiner

So true… My uncle (Guyanese) just lost his wife and unborn child to COVID and he’s now in quarantine… Even now my grandfather refused to get vaccinated.


TheOneWithThePorn12

Meanwhile my entire family jumped at the vaccines as soon as it came out so we could all party again.


SailorSpaghetti

The disinformation is potent unlike Nicki's cousin's friend's balls.


criipi

> Think about all her fans that doesn’t take the vaccine because they believe her. If there are people who'd legitimately listen to Nicki Minaj over health officials then the cause was lost long before the mystery of the swollen balls.


Beardopus

She needed something ridiculous to deflect attention from her rapist husband.


GladAbbreviations632

Exactly. I remember being very terrified of needles as a child. It's not uncommon at all


Sudden_Usual510

If they listen to her, both of her fans will be at risk.


PurplePlan

And so, yet another total bs claim about the COVID vaccine is debunked.


iiJokerzace

Thisbine definitely had me on the fence, thank God. /s


CurseofLono88

I was a little disappointed, everyone loves big balls, and if the covid vaccine grew balls up a size or two I think the world would have really benefitted from it


ThaiMonitorLizard

Yes, completely debunked. Regardless, it will keep making the rounds, and the number of people who heard of the claim will be 20x higher than those aware it was debunked.


pomonamike

I’m a history teacher and I’m mad that 20 years from now I may have to explain this story to students.


shockopod

Coming at the end of the "2016-2021 America triples down on stupid" unit I don't think it will be a big shock to them. Let's just hope the next unit is like "2022-2028 America decides it needs to get it's shit together"


aNiceTribe

What event would even start that


shockopod

Dunno. It would have to be some sort of cataclysm of stupid that served as a wake up call.


MonsterMike42

Maybe enough stupid people will die of Covid, or of increasingly stupid ways to fight Covid that don't work, that we'll just get smarter by default.


9520575

Man, This is the kind of shit that keeps kids into history.


Abitconfusde

Don't worry. Thanks to global warming, in 20 years there will be continual war and refugees. There probably will not be money for such trivial pursuits as history education.


Kallymouse

Wasn't that just a distraction so people won't focus on her husband having to go to jail because he refused to register as a sex offeender. She's going to get vaccinated before she starts her tour


Ndtphoto

She doesn't have balls! /s


sharmanas14

r/NotTheOnion


Kdogg4000

I was about to say that this article belongs there, but you beat me to it!


PapiMeme

Reminder this is just a distraction from her husband being sentenced to jail for being a sex offender


trevdak2

Doesn't matter, the damage is done. several thousand people will never get a COVID shot thanks to Minaj's Cousin's Friend's balls, and of those many will be hospitalized and potentially killed by COVID


PM_ME_UR_RESPECT

THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA DOESNT WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT THE LEFT WANTS TO EXPLODE YOUR BALLS


TuoFox

This is the dumbest timeline


Nico_arki

Nicky Minaj just mistook the vaccine for the implants on her ass


restingbitchface8

She wasn't afraid to get those


sirbruce

Yeah but what does Ja Rule think??? Where is Ja???


jrgman42

Ain’t he laying low because of that whole Fyre Festival bullshit?


Notimeforalice

Someone please get Ja on the phone. I have questions that need answers


PixelationIX

There wasn't much buzz about Nicki before this happened. I wouldn't be surprised she did all of this to promote her new song/album or accessories while doing harm on the way. She intentionally went on a tirade about this even going and saying Twitter [suspended](https://www.forbes.com/sites/joewalsh/2021/09/15/twitter-denies-putting-nicki-minaj-in-twitter-jail-for-spreading-covid-vaccine-rumors/?sh=15203d113000) her when that wasn't the case at all. She is on the spotlight again and it is the best time to drop anything new.


ry_cooder

Is her cousin Randy Marsh? [Randy M](https://imgur.com/t/randy_marsh/KHJQW)


base4yoface

She’s a drug addict that makes poor decisions, defends a pedo brother and is married to a sex offender. Why anyone would look to her for advice is beyond me


SGT-R0CK

An anti-vaxxer lying? What's the world coming to?


ihaterefriedbeans

Cmon Reddit, this had to be the first article I saw in the morning?


Now_Wait-4-Last_Year

It's been that kind of a year.


wytewydow

I'm pretty sure I saw him pass out at 31 flavors last night.


sadsacsac

I wished their Health Minister said, on air, something to the effect of: "we take all reports seriously, if this person did not report his symptoms out of embarrassment, we implore anyone who knows this individual to tell him to come forward" Then her can follow up with, "I do not understand why Nicki is impeding our investigations by not telling us who her cousin is, so we may ask her cousin about this individual's identity"


stillobsessed

Related: "Fauci Responds to Nicki Minaj's Claim That Her Cousin's Friend's Testacles Were Affected By Vaccine" https://www.complex.com/life/fauci-response-nicki-minaj-cousin-friend-vaccine/


babyBear83

There was another post somewhere of a doctor responding saying swollen testicles are a sign of STDs and that’s probably why the wedding was called off for her cousins friend.


Furthur

the reporter feed that was a clip on trevor noah was hilarious. *flat tire* is now in my daily use.


thekeezler

Sadly, I have the same problem. Huge balls. They're just the biggest balls ever.


jaymavs

And in today's episode of "When Cousins become Strangers"...


psufan5

Next, we find out the person doesn't exactly exist.


Kinder_Guardian

I was really hoping this would explain my current predickament... back to the drawing board.


photolove8

I’m sorry, what?


iNNeRKaoS

Nicki should collab with Swollen Members.