Trinidad & Tobagao Has Confirmed They Have No Record of Nicki Minaj's Cousin's Friend's Swollen Balls
By - PurplePlan
What a title!
This headline is absolutely 100% /r/nottheonion material.
It ranks pretty highly on the list of headlines I didn't think I'd ever read.
*Dark Helmet: I am your father’s brother’s nephew’s cousin’s former roommate.*
*Lone Star: So what does that make us?*
*Dark Helmet: Absolutely nothing.*
A dark helmet? Is that another side-effect?
In an of itself, it's nothing to worry about. However you should immediately seek medical attention if you find yourself surrounded by assholes.
WE AIN'T FOUND SHIT!!
I knew it, I'm surrounded by Assholes. Keep firing, Assholes!
It's about as likely as your Schwartz going limp...
Trinidad and Tobago: We ain't found shit!
We’ve gone far past ludicrous speed
No sir! i didn’t see you playing with your dolls again!
I see your Schwartz is as big as mine!
I knew it, I'm surrounded by assholes...
Go past that scene. In fact, never show me that scene again!
LOVE that movie. *Spaceballs the Flamethrower!*
The kids love it
"Just wait, you guys, 2021's gonna be so much better!"
It'll have electrolytes.
ITS WHAT PLANTS CRAVE
The fuck kind of titles are we gonna have in '22?
It’s worked out really good for her though, hardly anyone is talking about her husband being a sex offender anymore.
I read about her husband being a sex offender in every single Minaj comment thread this week. Think that scheme has backfired on her.
This is how I found out her husband is a sex offender, so I appreciate her cousin's friend's fake swollen balls for this reason
I can’t believe how well her pr team played this
It’s my new favorite curse.
*stubs toe* “Ow! Nicki Minaj’s cousin’s friend’s swollen balls!”
"For the love of Nikki Minage's Cousin's Friend's Swollen Balls, I told you to pick up that lego an hour ago!"
What a time to be alive!
What a mouthful!
She has to distract everyone from knowing about her husband raping a 16 year old and how they both harassed the girl to drop charges. It seems to be working.
Joke’s on her. I didn’t even know about her husband before this nonsense hit the news.
I had no idea until this very comment chain.
I... don't know about any of this Nicki Minaj stuff and now I think it's too late to ask.
I am literally in the dark on 100% of this brother
speaking of her brother, he’s *also* a pedophile she defended
Same, but now that know I’ll be sure to spread it.
Streisand effect now known as swollen balls effect
PS, that dude did 7 years in jail for a fucking murder. Murderer and rapist.
Her brother is also a rapist pedophile.
That’s exactly what she’s doing, she is changing teams
The ol' Candace Owens
Every title about her should start with, “To distract the public from her husband raping a 16 year, Nikki now has said “
Sort of like the rapist Brock Turner?
Exactly like Brock Turner the rapist!
Just needs Huey narrating all the nonsense.
What's most interesting is that she's citing someone else's *swollen testicles* as the reason she doesn't want the vaccine.
Can someone alert her to the fact that, aside from that being an imagined symptom, it's also not one she personally would have to worry about.
Maybe she thinks it'll fuck up her ladygrapes. Either way it's dumb.
Several of my coworkers think it’ll affect fertility. I genuinely don’t know where they got this, so I just don’t know what to say.
Being dead or disabled is worse for fertility.
Not true! You could have your dead body composted, that would increase soil fertility.
Ironically, Covid, and Ivermectin even moreso, have both been shows to affect fertility, and the vaccines, have not.
One of my *distant* relatives wont take it because she's worried about fertility concerns.
She's had a hysterectomy... No really, I'm being serious.
I'm wondering what they've heard about kids' fertility if they CATCH the coronavirus. Like with rheumatic fever, is there a risk of cardiac damage and murmurs, sudden death in young adulthood from undiagnosed cardiomyopathies? Or is there a possible risk for neurological or hematologic abnormalities? Like are females who have had covid more at risk of developing blood clots and therefore should avoid oral contraceptives, but we won't know that until they start having massive strokes at 19 and have to be spoon fed for the rest of their lives due to the paralysis?
The problems that adults have are one thing. The thing about viruses that are insidious are the invisible complications they leave to strike at a later date. Think Zika virus and the women who gave birth to children with, what was it, craniomegaly? Microcephaly? Skull atresias? I forget what the actual diagnosis was but malformed brains and skulls in their fetuses that were fatal in most instances. That was when women who were pregnant became infected with Zika.
I'm not afraid by any stretch of the imagination. I AM concerned for the health of the children who caught and recovered from covid. And THEIR children. If there's some huge health problems common among them later in life, we may not know for a decade or two. That's more worrisome to me than threatened fertility. Threat to current life trumps threat to theoretical life in my book. But that's a can of worms I shouldn't open.
And Mumps which has been proven to cause male infertility.
Yeah there's tons of examples, but I'm already wordy as fuck and my microbiology/epidemiology/other pre-reqs for nursing school were in the 90's. I forgot a lot of the "historical" stuff. Since we have vaccinations, that it caused infertility was probably not as emphesized. No ones gonna NOT get vaccinated, right?!?! Lol
Well that's the big issue. Younger generations don't remember these things. I remember queuing for the Polio vaccine when I was four years old and we were all excited to be getting it. I had measles, german measles and chicken pox. Some people didn't recover and it was scary. I asked some teenagers I knew to stop spitting a few years ago and had to explain TB to them because they didn't understand why they shouldn't. It's a problem of complacency really.
I had a friend who would play games with me. One late night we were talking about her job at a surgery clinic. I was saying how I couldn't wait to be vaccinated so hopefully life could get better and I wouldn't be stuck in the house. She started spouting off some infertility nonsense and I laughed into my headset "you don't actually believe that do you?" She hasn't been on (from what I can see) and she hasn't said a single word to me since then. While I know obviously it's fine that we no longer talk if she is into conspiracy stuff and not about obtaining actual facts, it's hard to find other girls to play online with.
I remember reading an article that was recommended on twitter about women complaining about their periods after getting the jab which then made me realise that my periods were abnormally painful this month vs any other time while other women complained about the cycle being messed up. The article also stated that the effect of vaccines on menstrual cycles weren't studied but I still don't think that's a good enough reason to not vaccinate.
Honestly, I think someone misunderstood what sterilizing immunity meant.
A history of research that ignores women.
See: crash testing of vehicles.
it has to be a distraction from her husband’s sex offender registry, right?
I got downvoted for saying this in the conspiracy sub, she's their new mascot.
They can have her, tho I thought they hated pedophiles and enablers?
That depends entirely on who best aligns with the conspiracy of the week.
Probably for the same reason they're up Clinton and Biden's asses, but not Trump's.
I followed an anti vaxxer there recently and was amazed by the faith those folks have in the most outlandish sources. And you see the same usernames come up in threads on so many different conspiracy theories. I mean, I can see how something could lead an otherwise reasonable person to maybe believe that Marilyn Monroe could have been murdered by Joe Kennedy, Sr but they seem to be equal opportunity nut jobs over there and believe them all. It is so bizarre.
It's insane. The post I was on was of supposed CNN journalists harassing Minaj's family in Trinidad. Only, none of them were from CNN. Also, everyone just believed in the provenance of the posted screenshots - people who questioned them got dogpiled.
The anti vaccine statements being released right as that news story about her husband dropped is not a coincidence
not even a tiny bit, her husband will not be able to drop their child off at school
And yet I probably wouldn't have known about her husband if it hadn't been for the COVID comments.
The only say the stuff about celebrities staying out of politics because most celebrities don't agree with them. The second they find one token celebrity on their side then tout them constantly.
Rumor has it Aaron Mcgruder (or however you spell it) is coming back and they’re doing another season!
Holy shit that’s great! It won’t be the same without Grandad tho.
Not a rumour - was supposed to drop Q4 this year but delayed to '22 due to Covid.
Nicki fcking Minaj just alerted the whole world this one guy has the clap. What’s next, Lady Gaga announcing someone random bloke has herpes?
People guess it's because her husband is a rapist who just moved to avoid prison and doxxed the victim. She is just trying to move the attention away from him.
Don’t forget her brother!
Stop the planet. I want to get off.
No! *We’re* not the ones who should have to vacate the mothership.
Can we just throw away these useless celebrities who contribute nothing to progress society.
Why stop at the celebrities
Climate change is going to ravage humanity.
It has gotten pretty much insane hasn't it?
13.8 billion years to get this far and you want us to stop now?
Don't make me turn this planet around and drive home! I will do it!
Aren't we mostly just going in circles, though?
Well technically if we were to suddenly stop the planet we’d all go flying off it.
Did he stutter
Eh, a majority would. The others would be smooshed into the ground really fucking hard.
*You have a friend request from u/ElonMusk*
Just stop giving fucking idiots like Nicki Minaj money. Stop listening to her crap music. When she is poor and not famous no one will listen to her.
Can we get back to discussing her sex offender husband, please.
Don't forget the pedophile brother
Don’t forget her continual pedophile music collabs
not gonna lie collabing with only sex offenders for like, a year, then doing the J'Accuse thing, would own really hard.
My first instinct was to defend her because I have a criminal relative and it's hard. But what I DID NOT do was write the court asking for leniency. I let justice happen because unfortunately she was guilty as hell and ruined people's lives. So fuck Nikki for trying to help him get back out on the streets. What he did was so terrible I cannot understand what the fuck she was thinking. If that was my brother I would be relieved he was in prison.
Oh shit this ones new to me
Murderer, he murdered someone and did time for it. People keep missing that as it's older news. He took a gun, drove to a guys place and shot him three times, he was id'd by the victim before he died. He did 7 years in jail as they plead down to manslaughter despite it being obviously murder (and that was the original charge).
He's a convicted murderer who is also a rapist. Her brother is a rapist and she is paying to defend, her and her murdering rapist husband also intimidated the (I'm a little unclear, the woman who was raped or a witness to it).
If she didn’t say some dumb shit I bet there’d be less people aware of this.
Anecdotally, I didn’t know anything about it until she said this dumb shit and everyone was pointing out how it was a diversion. Bad move if that’s what she was going for.
I'm in the same boat. Streisand Effect in full swing.
Somewhat amusingly, I only know about her husband and brother being sex offenders because she had to open her mouth, getting people to talk about her, and how her husband and brother are rapists. Hello, Streisand Effect.
This should be the top comment. Not enough people know about it.
With awesome details like that, seems like we're gonna go on not knowing.
I mean, I didn't really even know anything about her other than she was some musician until this whole thing came up. I still know nothing about her music but I now know all about her husband and brother sex offender and her nonsensical anti-vaccination statement.
He offended sexually
Exactly! She posted this stupid bullshit as a distraction and everyone fell for it line and sinker
It's all just a smoke screen, she is trying to keep media attention away from her husband who is facing jail time for not registering as a sexoffender
I cannot get over her procreating with a known sex offender
Think about all her fans that doesn’t take the vaccine because they believe her. No one is forcing her to get vaccinated, but she could have said she is afraid of needles or something instead of making up fake stories.
She’s doing this to deflect from all the bad press she’s receiving related to her husband’s and brother’s sexual assault/molestation allegations. It also gets a bunch of antivax nuts on the internet on her side. It’s a social media play. She might very well be vaccinated.
> They’ll grasp at anything.
Even at this guy's allegedly swollen balls, apparently.
Tucker loves swolen balls.
So did Colbert. I'd rather watch the Colbert interview.
Edit: thanks for the image of Tucker Carlson grasping for gonorrhea-swollen balls, though. *barf* *gag*
Colbert wants to interview the balls. Not the cousin’s friend.
I literally only heard about the husband/brother because of this stuff.
Streisand effect. Not sure if it 100% applies but it’s similar.
Pretty sure that I read that she is vaccinated; required to tour or something. I may edit with source after I get off the toilet
>She tweeted she would get vaccinated by the time she goes on tour next, presumably due to insurance costs spiking to cover an unvaccinated performer. But that was before the whole balls thing, so…
I still think she got the jab but I'm not going to look into the matter further; this one's like giving birth
She tweeted she would get vaccinated by the time she goes on tour next, presumably due to insurance costs spiking to cover an unvaccinated performer. But that was before the whole balls thing, so…
Cause a Twitter frenzy to distract from much worse headlines about you and your family. It is Trump’s playbook
The Caribbean, in general, has been very anti-vaxx so this story just reinforced many of their beliefs. A retraction or proof to the contrary doesn't matter. Social media spread disinformation is even more potent in that region. It is going to result in a lot of people dying and its just beginning for many of the islands.
So true… My uncle (Guyanese) just lost his wife and unborn child to COVID and he’s now in quarantine… Even now my grandfather refused to get vaccinated.
Meanwhile my entire family jumped at the vaccines as soon as it came out so we could all party again.
The disinformation is potent unlike Nicki's cousin's friend's balls.
> Think about all her fans that doesn’t take the vaccine because they believe her.
If there are people who'd legitimately listen to Nicki Minaj over health officials then the cause was lost long before the mystery of the swollen balls.
She needed something ridiculous to deflect attention from her rapist husband.
Exactly. I remember being very terrified of needles as a child. It's not uncommon at all
If they listen to her, both of her fans will be at risk.
And so, yet another total bs claim about the COVID vaccine is debunked.
Thisbine definitely had me on the fence, thank God.
I was a little disappointed, everyone loves big balls, and if the covid vaccine grew balls up a size or two I think the world would have really benefitted from it
Yes, completely debunked. Regardless, it will keep making the rounds, and the number of people who heard of the claim will be 20x higher than those aware it was debunked.
I’m a history teacher and I’m mad that 20 years from now I may have to explain this story to students.
Coming at the end of the "2016-2021 America triples down on stupid" unit I don't think it will be a big shock to them. Let's just hope the next unit is like "2022-2028 America decides it needs to get it's shit together"
What event would even start that
Dunno. It would have to be some sort of cataclysm of stupid that served as a wake up call.
Maybe enough stupid people will die of Covid, or of increasingly stupid ways to fight Covid that don't work, that we'll just get smarter by default.
Man, This is the kind of shit that keeps kids into history.
Don't worry. Thanks to global warming, in 20 years there will be continual war and refugees. There probably will not be money for such trivial pursuits as history education.
Wasn't that just a distraction so people won't focus on her husband having to go to jail because he refused to register as a sex offeender. She's going to get vaccinated before she starts her tour
She doesn't have balls! /s
I was about to say that this article belongs there, but you beat me to it!
Reminder this is just a distraction from her husband being sentenced to jail for being a sex offender
Doesn't matter, the damage is done. several thousand people will never get a COVID shot thanks to Minaj's Cousin's Friend's balls, and of those many will be hospitalized and potentially killed by COVID
THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA DOESNT WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT THE LEFT WANTS TO EXPLODE YOUR BALLS
This is the dumbest timeline
Nicky Minaj just mistook the vaccine for the implants on her ass
She wasn't afraid to get those
Yeah but what does Ja Rule think??? Where is Ja???
Ain’t he laying low because of that whole Fyre Festival bullshit?
Someone please get Ja on the phone. I have questions that need answers
There wasn't much buzz about Nicki before this happened. I wouldn't be surprised she did all of this to promote her new song/album or accessories while doing harm on the way. She intentionally went on a tirade about this even going and saying Twitter [suspended](https://www.forbes.com/sites/joewalsh/2021/09/15/twitter-denies-putting-nicki-minaj-in-twitter-jail-for-spreading-covid-vaccine-rumors/?sh=15203d113000) her when that wasn't the case at all. She is on the spotlight again and it is the best time to drop anything new.
Is her cousin Randy Marsh?
She’s a drug addict that makes poor decisions, defends a pedo brother and is married to a sex offender. Why anyone would look to her for advice is beyond me
An anti-vaxxer lying? What's the world coming to?
Cmon Reddit, this had to be the first article I saw in the morning?
It's been that kind of a year.
I'm pretty sure I saw him pass out at 31 flavors last night.
I wished their Health Minister said, on air, something to the effect of:
"we take all reports seriously, if this person did not report his symptoms out of embarrassment, we implore anyone who knows this individual to tell him to come forward"
Then her can follow up with, "I do not understand why Nicki is impeding our investigations by not telling us who her cousin is, so we may ask her cousin about this individual's identity"
Related: "Fauci Responds to Nicki Minaj's Claim That Her Cousin's Friend's Testacles Were Affected By Vaccine"
There was another post somewhere of a doctor responding saying swollen testicles are a sign of STDs and that’s probably why the wedding was called off for her cousins friend.
the reporter feed that was a clip on trevor noah was hilarious. *flat tire* is now in my daily use.
Sadly, I have the same problem. Huge balls. They're just the biggest balls ever.
And in today's episode of "When Cousins become Strangers"...
Next, we find out the person doesn't exactly exist.
I was really hoping this would explain my current predickament... back to the drawing board.
I’m sorry, what?
Nicki should collab with Swollen Members.