T O P
  • By -

MIlkyRawr

I personally would like to die by having all my atoms simultaneously divide


cracker-mf

go out with a bang!


uzumaki_bey

Fast and painless and not.of.old age


slfnflctd

Painless is the main thing. Surprised I had to scroll down this far for a simple answer that's basically that.


DorianGre

I don’t get to choose. Everyone in my family dies of cancer. Every single one. So, do I get to choose my cancer?


Darkmega5

it's like pokemon. after you choose your cancer, the other cancer patient next door challenges you to a cancer battle.


RyanNerd

I have stage 4 cancer and I laughed so hard at this. Thanks for making me smile. BTW: Colon cancer so I choose you poopachu! Edit: Thanks so much everyone for the awards and well wishes. My current treatment (FOLFIRI) is effective (40% cancer cell shrinkage) but I have fatigue and nausea, vomiting, and feel crappy for about 4 days after the infusion. The infusion is every two weeks.


Darkmega5

Poopa poopa i guess Glad one of my unfunny jokes made you smile


tobmom

My mom does, too. Having surgery again on Monday. She’s had so many I don’t remember which number this is. A hearty FUCK CANCER to you and yours.


BwittonRose

I shouldn’t have laughed


Darkmega5

I shouldn’t have made the joke


PigeonFanatic9

No, you get all of them. At the same time, final stage.


DorianGre

Will they cancel each other out and make me immortal? Or perhaps I will just get a nice article in the medical books.


Tall-Nerd-Boi

cancer can actually eat other cancers, but that usually only happens on large organisms like elephants and whales


ChaosS1ayer

you forgot to add your mother to that list


Sparkism

Damn, you sure didn't let /u/Tall-Nerd-Boi choose how to die.


reanu_keevs123

dematerializing out of existence


In_my_worst_timeline

I don't feel too good Mr. Stark


pygmy

For me, falling from a plane onto Rupert Murdoch


Bobalong_Sanchez

Thankyou for your sacrifice.


NippleThief

I wish I randomly explode in blood and guts while on live tv. It becomes number 1 viral video of all times and no one ever figures out why and how NippleThief exploded. I become a legend. One of the worlds greatest mysteries, forever unsolved. The exploding NippleThief. EDIT: Jesus H. Christ, this exploded. Pun intended.


saturnspritr

This one was my favorite read so far.


Kodriin

Eventually your legacy will become a fairy tale told to children to scare them away from stealing nipples.


grombleduke

Nude and of nitrogen asphyxiation.


Sidesicle

"You're born naked, you die naked." "You don't die naked." "You do if you plan it right."


04221970

I was going to say this. Its my preferred route, and only hope that I have the mental fortitude and physical capacity to do it when the time comes. Not so sure about being nude though.....that's just weird.


grombleduke

Nude is about controlling it. I feel like I should be in complete control of such an important part of my life.


04221970

I think I'll try to be laying on a sheet of plastic or in the tub for ease of recovery and cleanup; I'm caring like that.


Lady_badcrumble

Coroner: Homicide? Orderly: Self-determined. Just very considerate. Coroner: Aww, that’s nice


The_BromanEmpire

Please tip your coroners


Lady_badcrumble

Place the cash between the toes and RIP.


Seld-M-Post

This just in /u/04221970 dies nude in a nitrogen tent he believes gives him sexual powers


woolyxx

What this post has shown me is a lot of people are ok with dyeing, as long its "happy "


DammitMeep

It's not death I fear, it's pain.


Oregonguy1954

Both my parents died in 2021. Dad went first. He was transported to a hospice house, a beautiful place in a beautiful forested setting where he was kept comfortable and attended by skilled RNs and a caring doctor until he passed in his sleep. A few months later, my mother went to the same place and died in a room across the hall from where Dad had passed. She too was kept comfortable and drifted away in her sleep. I can only hope that I will have similar circumstances. Both deaths were beautiful in their own way, peaceful and loving. And everyone needs to understand that these hospice houses are covered by Medicare in full if the person is going to die there; there's no charge to spend your final days in these caring places.


EllieVader

Is there like…a time limit on how soon you have to die? Im not looking for hospice *per se*, it’s just the housing market is really harsh rn and I’m already on Medicaid so… Can I stick around for like 70 years? We can call it a miracle if it will help.


Oregonguy1954

Respite care is limited to five days, so yes, there is a time limit UNLESS while you're there they come to the perception that you're going to die soon. My mother went in as a respite patient but once they examined her they said, "she has somewhere between 5 and 14 days to live" they changed her status from respite to EOL (end of life). Five days of respite (non-EOL) care is all that Medicare will pay for. After that it's $375 a day at this particular place. Normally people don't go there unless the end is near.


handshape

My dad's passing was strange that way. The hospice was beautiful, and he had his "rally" the day he arrived, which was a kindness. He was an artist in life, and the hospice was modelled after a little village, with random paintings and frescoes everywhere. We wheeled him around so he could see all the paintings, and one of the last coherent things he ever said was "y'know... I kinda like it here." After he slipped into a coma, he hung around for almost three weeks - the folks that run the hospice remain on my list of "people to whom I owe a round of drinks".


Oregonguy1954

Sounds like a beautiful and appropriate setting for your dad. My condolences for your loss.


ImZaffi

It must be odd to work somewhere where no “customers” come unless they’re expected to die within a month


miladyDW

My aunt was a skilled nurse, and worked in a hospice like this (now she's retired). She says that helping people diyng in a peaceful way when it's meant to be, is not "difficult" thing. A lot better than working with child fighting with cancer, and find an empty bed when you go to work in the morning.


Oregonguy1954

I responded to your questions but for some reason it appeared as a separate post somewhere else in this thread. Short answer: If you're not dying soon, it's called respite care and it's free for five days (with Medicare) but after that it's $375 a day. If while you're there they say you're dying, it's covered until you die. Hope that helps.


EllieVader

Thank you for your serious and thoughtful answer to my question that was neither, you’re a good bean.


TheAngry_Avocado

Riding a shark, with two hundred and fifty pounds of dynamite strapped to my chest, into the mouth of an active volcano.


ilikebreakfastfoods

All that was ever retrieved was a pile of singed chest hair.


Duck-On-Quac

Best part is “They never found the body.” What body would there be?


DrRagnorocktopus

My confusion is, how is that a villainous crime?


AdruinoKamino

I miss read that as “*signed* chest hair”.


PutinTheChimp

I feel like I've heard this somewhere, hmm.. I need my minions to figure it out


Scare_Mac

Macho


Ironic-ionic

Came here looking for this exact scenario.


ChChikk

"IT WAS GLORIOUS!"


Utilitarian_Proxy

Eaten by time-travelling space lizards, after first having my consciousness uploaded into their ship's computer for future holographic appearances on their homeworld.


Translationerr0r

Oddly specific.


Utilitarian_Proxy

Well, just in case they were logged on and saw the comment, so they'd not make too hasty a meal of me.


jco91595

I want to be hunted, you gotta earn my death


thorscope

Just be aware I’m a terrible shot and you’ll be bleeding out in the jungle from a lower leg wound for a few days.


Castells

Mmmm sepsis


Crochitting

The main ingredient of Pepsi


23x3

The most dangerous game. I’ve already purchased [this](https://images.halloweencostumes.ca/products/39725/1-1/safari-hunter-plus-size-mens-costume.jpg) for the occasion. Keep me posted!


MattRazz

be still my beating heart


SuperiorXIII

Yeah, that's the idea.


PwningPineapple

Wingsuiting, high on morphine, with no parachute. A glorious glide into death. Edit: Guess this was a popular answer haha, for all those saying I could do this, that’s the plan. Just when I’m old and on my way out anyways.


RandomSplitter

With a T-shirt that days 'splat'


Pumps74

What did you day?


rdardi123

I daid the shirt should day splat


Pake1000

Never thought about the morphine part, but the rest has been my go to method when telling friends.


EJohn7045

In my sleep when I’m 100. Hopefully having lived a good life.


takethepain-igniteit

My fiance's grandmother just died at 102, peacefully in her sleep. Her health had been slowly declining and she had just been put on hospice, but overall her death was peaceful after having lived such a long, enriched life.


Ishidan01

Do a Betty White. Become so epic that everyone is looking forward to your 100, then get to 99.9. Blue ball em all.


DoomsdayRabbit

Technically if you're rounding to the first decimal place she died at 100. She was 99.95.


greenmachine41590

If we include time spent gestating in the womb, her heart was technically beating for more than 100 years


Omega-Black-999

Fun fact, some Asian cultures consider the birth of the child to be their first birthday, or as one year old as of birth.


MisterFistYourSister

"In my own bed, at the age of 80, with a belly full of wine and a girl's mouth around my cock" \-Tyrion Lannister


DrunkNPlatypus

Gloriously in battle. How else am I supposed to get into Valhalla?


sstrand1

In a warm place with a pretty view and someone holding my hand as I go Edit: Thank you all for the upvotes and awards! This comment has a lot of meaning for me. Someone very important to me made a choice to leave while he was alone in a cold and dark place. I don't wish that on anyone. So I wanted to take this moment during one of my most upvoted reddit comments to remind everyone that there is nothing wrong with needing help sometimes and please be kind to yourself!


GroundbreakingEar270

this reminds me of that scene from “the good place”


valeriolo

Dude don't mention the good place. I'm too busy today to spend an hour crying.


wagon_ear

Yeah, what the fork.


theredheaddiva

Picture a wave. In the ocean.


Russian_lover1

You gotta be shirting me right now


XfinityHomeWifi

Last episode just needed to make me want to cry multiple times


[deleted]

Being given an orgasm so powerful my soul leaves my body


PMyourTastefulNudes

I too, pick snu-snu.


beluuuuuuga

You'd go down a legend and once a month on Reddit someone will post your epic story to r/interestingasfuck


Icy_Mc_Spicy

“TIFU by cumming to death”


straycanoe

My lifeless corpse collapsed onto my wife, suffocating her. AITA?


Azigol

NTA . Your wife was clearly using suffocation as a smoke screen to hide the affair she's been having. Get divorced from that bitch IMMEDIATELY.


QahnaarinDovah

Every relationship advice sub on Reddit


teddyone

the mind is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised


Bumpermann

Okay so hear me out. There is this liquid that female dolphins secret during sex that is supposed to give the male dolphins super hard orgasms. Scientists collected some and tested it on a monkey. The monkey immediately started to beat his meat with this liquid on it. He came so hard he died.


Roberto_V_M

I'll have the same as the monkey


[deleted]

Where do I get this magical dolphin pussy liquid?


CherryBoard

Smucker's sells it as Dolphin Pussy Jelly, indistinguishable from the grape variety, so you have to look hard


[deleted]

To look hard, or *look* hard?


b-hizz

The elusive whore-crux.


InannasPocket

I choose my grandpa's death: slipping away quietly in my sleep after meeting my goals of making it to my 95th birthday bash and meeting my 2 newest great-grandchildren, with a last meal of homemade beef stew and a nightcap of really good scotch.


[deleted]

Similarities to my Grandmothers…..old Italian woman at 85. She was always in the kitchen making something good to eat. One day she was deboning chicken sitting at the table for chicken noodle soup. she passed right there doing what she had done a million times and enjoyed. No pain, no cries out just fell asleep sitting in her chair at her table. Myself if I can’t go like that then a giant fireball would be my next wish. *******Update for all who wanted to know about what we did with the soup: We buried it with her in a mason jar including her favorite utensils and mixing bowl.


Interesting_Force691

Wait. Sorry for your loss but what happened to the food


Bart_The_Chonk

Asking the important questions here


CM_DO

I too, choose this guy's grandpa's death.


249ba36000029bbe9749

I thought their comment was leading into the old Will Rogers quip: >When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.


Muldrotha69

I’ve been wondering who said this for years thank you


iammaline

I heard that joke 20 years ago it’s an old y but a goody over on r/jokes I think it’s number 348


negativeyoda

I like the wholesome uno reverse of this in-joke


BrazenRaizen

Im going selfish yet selfless...hear me out. Im 115yrs old, expecting to pass away in 20minutes....happy life....able to say goodbye to everyone. All of a sudden.....a grenade rolls into the room. I jump on it...heroic as shit.....save everyone in the room.


JoocyJ

You’re not going to be doing any jumping at 115


cursed_chaos

# **YOU SAID I COULD CHOOSE**


BigJerichool222

Crushed between the thiccest of thighs, naturally


Lady_badcrumble

How much do you think you’d pay for this service? I’ve been looking for a new line of work.


BigJerichool222

Well considering I'd be dead, you can have it all


PureSmoulder

All 42 dollars and 21 cents.


bcoftheimplication7

Just like my grandad. I want to spend my last days in my house, independent as always, have a normal sunny Saturday, and just head on out with a quick heart attack (which he thought was a burp that needed to be let out lol). I miss that old man, he was so creative, hilarious, and intelligent.


RazeSpear

> which he thought was a burp that needed to be let out lol Maybe we just all have a limited amount of burps and when we reach that number we go.


bcoftheimplication7

Maybe so. He was 82 so he spaced his out nicely.


marousha_n

In my sleep


MaynardJ222

Granted. You fall asleep after being tortured for several days.


beluuuuuuga

So peaceful ʘ‿ʘ


H4lloM8

Oh my god that face is mega cursed


MaynardJ222

Sky diving. If I ever get a terminal illness, that's how I want to go out. Just staring into the sky until the end. The thing is, I want to fake my death a week before. That way, I can time my landing to be at my funeral. It might take some practice, but might be able to land right in the grave as everyone is standing around. Edit : Uuhhh...I just got a "helpful" award. I'm not sure what that is, but it sounds like somebody wants to do this. I strongly suggest reconsidering...or live streaming.


incredibleinkpen

I thought this was fucked up until I saw that you wanted to land inside the grave, therefore not bloodying anyone's suit or dress. Quite selfless of you.


MaynardJ222

I forgot to mention the grave would have a trampoline.


virgilreality

...aaaaand *there's* the payoff...


DiamondPup

Don't listen to him! If he skydived into a trampoline, he'd just bounce back up into the plane. Thus, making his whole story irrelevant to this thread. He's a fraud and you're all giving him awards for it!


Poem_for_your_sprog

When Uncle Charlie slipped away (Or rather, hit the floor), We all *already* knew that day. He'd "died" the week before. We'd gathered 'round his grave a while To weep and mourn and frown - And shared a sad, lamenting smile, While Charlie hurtled down. He'd picked the spot and dropped between His six-foot plot with skill. And landed on a trampoline. They say he's bouncing still.


CatsTrustNoOne

Sprog! 😃 I'd like a Sprog poem on my headstone. ✍🪦


rhynoplaz

Do the fake death skydive trampoline thing, and I'll personally make sure the matching Sprog is on your headstone AND pay for it. All I'm going to need is an invitation to the funeral.


Bimlouhay83

In true Maynard fashion.


-Jambie-

Least he didn't shit the bed


Ishidan01

I think he still underestimates splatter.


Northman67

Nothing a deep enough hole wouldn't fix.... Accuracy might be an issue though.


Supply-Slut

Goddamnit now I’m imagining this fella skydiving towards his funeral, but unfortunately a gust of wind throws him off course and he crashes into *someone else’s* funeral… only this time there’s no hole deep enough, and the casket has some other poor bloke’s body and the utterly distraught widow gets slapped in the face by OP’s dismembered arm as it flys past her.


Jedi_Outcast

And *that* person had died from a sky diving suicide who fell on him.


DocDavreil

My dad has told me that the way he would like to die is when he turns past 72 and goes sky diving without a parachute or "forget" to pull the chord. Its one of his wishes as he says he never wants to be hooked up to a machine which I find respectful.


Forty-plus-two

72? My parents are pushing 70 and I hope they’ll be around for another decade or so, especially for the sake of their grandchildren.


DocDavreil

My dad says that "anything above 72 is a blessing" because it was his way of saying that he can still live life without it being him breaking down physically, almost as if it hurts to be alive


Grimsnot

Exactly. My dad died at age 70 in 1995. At the time, it seemed to me he had a decently long life. Now I'm nearly 60 and my siblings are 65, 70 and 73. I don't look at any of us as particularly old. Oh and my mom is 94 and still quite with it.


MaynardJ222

Only problem is someone has to clean up a mess with the skydiving method. Maybe I can skydive into a volcano? I want to be cremated anyways. Or just throw me in the trash


GlorifiedBurito

Eh just land out in the middle of nowhere. Nature will clean you up. Although skydiving into a volcano is pretty sweet. I’d imagine the updraft might make it tougher than expected though


PM-ME-YOUR-HANDBRA

Now I'm imagining someone trying desperately to pencil dive into magma but the updraft is just suspending them in midair.


jarrenboyd

Burning you Alive 100 yards above the volcano


getthephenom

Nothing hosing down won't clean.


icecoaster1319

Just hit the ocean or a lake. Fish will take care of it.


AnUglyGinger

Unfortunately (fortunately?) there’s a small piece of tech inside parachutes that will auto deploy below a certain altitude. Prevents an accident or medical issue from being able to get you on the ground safely. Source - licensed skydiver


RashyGodford

That's pretty sweet, so if I just jumped out of a plane with no training and a parachute on my back I'd survive? (assuming I don't land on some power lines or a busy motorway or something)


AnUglyGinger

Yep, it's called an AAD ([Automatic Activation Device](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Automatic_activation_device)). Sometimes you'll hear it as "Dead man's switch" for slang. It's also helpful in the rare chance that there's a mid-air collision, you can get to the ground safely whether you get knocked out, or not. Without it, you'd be Earth's newest pancake.


BallisticBeaver03

This reminds of that old ad about Doritos or Xbox or something where the kid is born and just screams through the air until he's old and then falls out of the sky and bodies his casket like a strike missile EDIT: here it is- [https://youtu.be/TrVTH5R-INw](https://youtu.be/TrVTH5R-INw)


BadMoodDude

This reminds me of Bill Burr's helicopter story: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S9ZSzuj1UpA


retina99

One of my 90 year old patients always say his wish is to be shot by a jealous husband while climbing out of his bedroom window.


OttemanEmperor

Nuclear Explosion. It's instantaneous and you are vaporized before your nervous system even has time to react. Sounds like a great way to go if you're lucky.


FruitCat32

Not so great for everyone else though


theredditforwork

I think it would depend on if you had prior warning. If there was a 10 minute alert before the missiles hit I think the anxiety would be very unpleasant.


[deleted]

Who said anything about missiles? I think the OP was talking about standing next to a nuke out in the middle of nowhere.


komodosaggins

When I’m 12,000 and death is a choice. I have literally seen and done everything and decide it’s time to pass on


Sapphiretulip32

I wish euthanasia was an option. Like choose when you’re ready


jonnyredshorts

A bunch of European countries already have this option…I think The Netherlands, Denmark and Switzerland have been doing it for years.


Sapphiretulip32

Yes but I don’t think people should have to fly to other countries. It should just be a universal right to go out with dignity


isnotaac

i believe we're moving towards euthanasia becoming legalised in more countries. here's hoping. honestly it seems most people who are critical of euthanasia (VAD \[voluntary assisted dying\] don't realise how difficult it actually is to access. throughout the process there are a lot of hoops to jump through, a lot of medical reviews to be had, a lot of signatures needed to say yes, this person does meet all of the necessary criteria - and you can very well still miss your window even if you have been approved (e.g. if there is a steep decline in cognition, if your condition otherwise changes, etc.). that being said, i work in palliative care and definitely notice a difference between my and my older colleagues' attitudes towards VAD. i've heard a few times that it's the "easy way out". it's interesting because we can all agree that people deserve to retain their dignity, which encompasses choosing how you are cared for, but there are still many who vehemently disagree with VAD. in any case, i personally don't think there is any "easy way out" when it comes to dying; whether you suicide, access euthanasia or even if you die naturally and peacefully. whether you know you're dying or not. if it's not you who finds it difficult, someone close to you will, no matter how you go.


Delfinoferoce

Whilst laying in bed reading a reddit when i stumble upon a rib tickling post and my phone falls on my frontal lobe


SkipperFab

Im old, in a warm bed in a house filled with memories and photos of my children and grandchildren. Its winter time. I wake up slowly I can smell the pine trees and feel the cold night air. I realize my wife has passed painlessly in her sleep. I hold her close, let out a single tear then shut my eyes and let go of this world.


cutieshibe

ow ow owowowowow owwie


Misspennylane69

Death by Snu-Snu!


Savitribaii

It’s actually quite common in real life, usually with elderly people who have heart conditions.


MisterMakerXD

You just made me imagine something that i will never forget…


lilsparky82

Wait until the rigor mortis sets in.


fozzyboy

That's round 2


Bekenel

D: :D D: :D


Brain_lessV2

YEEEEEAAAAAHHH


HybridWookiee89

I'll take a crushed pelvis, with an overdose of dopamine and I don't care if it lasts longer than 4 hours


phluke-

The mind is willing but the body is flabby and bruised


The_Alternate_Eye

Hugged by the opposite gender


TheVoicesBeScreamin

My neck squeezed between thighs until my head pops off. Truly a gentleman’s death


Mallettjt

With a throbbing erection and a tractor supply catalogue in my hand. I want people to talk about it for years.


DocDavreil

In my sleep, but I would want my corpse disposed of how the vikings did with theirs. Being sent down on a boat to Valhala whilst being set a flame by the arrows of my closest family and friends.


Gongaloon

Yeah, but you don't end up in Valhalla if you die in your sleep. You go to Helheim, which I've heard isn't bad but it's not drinkin' million-year-old mead and tumblin' with the Valkyries.


DocDavreil

You're right. Gotta die the right way


Gongaloon

Which is why every hospital should have at least one doctor or nurse on every shift who's prepared to engage in single combat with any patient at any time.


Omega-Black-999

Now, you have ideas... I like it.


dm80x86

In the ICU: Why does the patient have a sword and shield. To fight death himself of course.


KittenMaster9

By being sacrificed to turn into a death godess in a successful ritual


[deleted]

[удалено]


outdoorsexxx

Countless centuries into the future surrounded by family and friends after I successfully helped humans become a multi-galaxy race.


Dogman_Howel

I want a bomb implant that I can program the date and time to go off inside my skull


Chaos_Moon0000

Switzerland newly legalized death chambers


soulgardening

Switzerland has been offering [this service](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dignitas_(Swiss_non-profit_organisation) since at least 1998. According to many European opinion polls it's considered a humane option for those in terrible pain and who are suffering from incurable illness.


ThePfeiff

Heat death of the universe. I want to be the last thing to die.


_wetmath_

you would have to live the majority of your life lonely in vast emptiness of space. like kars in jojo. not a good way to go at all.


hosbi

I say, finally some goddamn peace and quiet


ItzViking

Drive off the edge of a canyon in a classic mustang filled to the brim with fireworks and explosives blaring "My hero" by the foo fighters


Doreorge

In bed, with lasagna and its raining outside. Or, if my husband is dying before me, I'll go out any way to catch up with that cutie in the afterlife.


howlingcomputer

In my bed, at the age of eighty with a belly full of wine and a woman's mouth around my cock.


Aperture_Kubi

I prefer the blooper >In my bed, at the age of eighty with a belly full of wine *and a woman's cock in my mouth.*


Wilhelm_Amenbreak

To each their own


CasualFire1

Freezing to death doesn't actually sound so bad. Like, say you're walking through a forest during winter. You're cold, and you're tired. So very tired. And you decide to just lay down, just for a moment... close your eyes... and rest. And you just drift off. Something about that seems nice to me. Like you don't have to keep trying, you can just give in and let go. Sounds kinda freeing. And finally being able to go to sleep when you're really tired is one of the best feelings out there, so if that's the last thing I ever feel, I'll be okay with that. Edit: I have been informed (a couple times, by now) that it actually hurts *a lot*, right up until it doesn't hurt at all, at which point it becomes peaceful and cozy like I was thinking. So... yeah.


SeanTsu_

Ironically, before you slip away, you would feel very warm, like being in your bed and falling asleep


ericsparrow22

That’s how drowning supposedly is as well, my mother nearly drowned when she was younger and said it was the most peaceful thing she’s ever experienced


cookedcatfish

I misread that as 'my mother nearly drowned me when she was younger and said it was the most peaceful thing she’s ever experienced'


Kita-Ryu

Gun shot


DCARDAR

Edit: "Direct" Gun Shot "through my cerebral cortex" maybe? [email protected] it. In my sleep, preferably during REM.